Forgiveness = Freedom

[JLY]

If they were, it wouldn't be forgiveness. Either they would have made up for whatever they did, paid their debt so that any further rancor against them was unjust and no forgiveness was needed, or one would agree to overlook something because their value in some other sphere outweighs the offense in question. Actual forgiveness means there was a genuine offense but the forgiver chooses not to demand just consequences for it, to swallow the debt and restore the relationship simply because it is their wish to do so.

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Hrod
I agree with you-all except the last part....sometimes it is just not healthy to re-enter a relationship with someone that wronged you-you forgive them but not with the intent to restore the relationship. ....sometimes there was no relationship to start with...when a stranger wrongs you
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Forgiveness is on the opposite side of making amends (perspective of the person who wronged another) but both work towards the same general goals....the other side does not have to accept the amends/forgiveness however it definitely benefits the one who is making the amends/or attempting to forgive
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As a person in recovery-both are essential
IMO

 

[eyeballkid]

I can stop being angry at someone for their wrongs, and I think alot of people believe that is "forgiveness". I dont think it is. True Forgiveness is something I can only do for someone I care about. If I dont care about you significantly, I am pretty unable to actually "forgive". I may give up the urge to break your teeth out, but youre still "that *******" to me.

 

[slobake]

I can stop being angry at someone for their wrongs, and I think alot of people believe that is "forgiveness". I dont think it is. True Forgiveness is something I can only do for someone I care about. If I dont care about you significantly, I am pretty unable to actually "forgive". I may give up the urge to break your teeth out, but youre still "that *******" to me.

I hear what you are saying. Sometimes things come up for me again and again and again. I think I have forgiven someone but I find myself getting worked up again over nothing but a bad memory.
Forgiveness is about being free. If you react to someone every time you see them you have given that person power over you. A lot of people think unforgiveness makes them strong but it really makes them weak. Sometimes the person that we have not forgiven may not even be aware of it and we fill obliged to react every time we are around them. They may have power over where we can go, what we can say even what we think. You might think "I'm not going to that party because that dirty son of a biscuit is going to be there." They get to go the the party and have a good time while we sit home and stew. Or we get angry when we see them and they don't know or don't care. We are angry and they are going about their business and enjoying their life. We might think we are getting back at them somehow but all we are doing is hurting ourselves.
Someone said early on in this thread that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

 

[nashvillebill]

When someone wrongs you, always walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, you'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have their shoes!

 

[fhm555]

Wifey endured a horrible early childhood at the hands of one of her older brothers. Without going into detail, suffice it to say it was some of the most heinous **** you could imagine a 17 year old boy could visit on a 10 year old girl, and it continued for several years, until he left to join the army at 20. To her credit she moved on and had a fairly normal live as an adult, but when her brother grew ill and it became apparent he was dying, she began to withdraw into herself. We talked about it at length one night and I told her I thought if she would just go see him and forgive him for what he'd done to her it might help. She had avoided him all her adult life, but after some serious soul searching on her part, we drove the 20 miles to his house and she had a brief, private conversation with him. I never asked what they talked about but she told me some time later she finally was able to put all the horror in it's place and still find room in her heart for her brother.

And people wonder why I feel so lucky to have her.

 

[slobake]

Wifey endured a horrible early childhood at the hands of one of her older brothers. Without going into detail, suffice it to say it was some of the most heinous **** you could imagine a 17 year old boy could visit on a 10 year old girl, and it continued for several years, until he left to join the army at 20. To her credit she moved on and had a fairly normal live as an adult, but when her brother grew ill and it became apparent he was dying, she began to withdraw into herself. We talked about it at length one night and I told her I thought if she would just go see him and forgive him for what he'd done to her it might help. She had avoided him all her adult life, but after some serious soul searching on her part, we drove the 20 miles to his house and she had a brief, private conversation with him. I never asked what they talked about but she told me some time later she finally was able to put all the horror in it's place and still find room in her heart for her brother.

And people wonder why I feel so lucky to have her.

Wow! That is great fhm555. She is also lucky to have a husband who knows when to encourage her and when to back off and not ask questions. I am glad she got some closure and freedom from her past