I still don't understand why its called forgiveness if it has more to do with me, as the one who was wronged, getting over whatever happened. What am I giving them? Why do I have to give them anything?
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Forgiveness = Freedom
- Thread starter slobake
- Start date
It is a hard concept to wrap your mind around at first, but liberating once you do. It only benefits them if they, too, care about the consequence of what they have done. If they don't care, or even relish in the wrongdoing, you take from them the power to control your feelings over it. In either case, you give them no more than they deserve.
Its a VERY hard concept to wrap my mind around. To me simply getting over something and forgiving someone are two different things. I never dwell on wrongs and I get over things quickly but I forgive at my leisure for their sake (if need be), not mine.
You are already forgiving and don't know it. It is not a "get out of jail free card". The term is used legally as in to "forgive a debt", but that is a misnomer. Here is what Mayo Clinic says about forgiveness and how it relates to your emotional well being.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131/
"What is forgiveness?
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
Healthier relationships
Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
What are the effects of holding a grudge?
If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:
Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you
Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding. "
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131/
"What is forgiveness?
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
Healthier relationships
Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
What are the effects of holding a grudge?
If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:
Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you
Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding. "
You act like a grudge is the only alternative to forgiving someone. Getting even is another way to return a situation to a neutral footing, and it doesn't require letting someone off the hook for their transgressions. Actions should have consequences. Once those consequences come to pass, and everyone is all square on their scorecards, there's no need to maintain a grudge.
I think I prefer my personal definition of forgiveness. It makes the world a bit easier to understand 
.
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This is an old thread but a lot has happened around here and in my personal life since I first posted this. There have been times when I had to remind myself to practice what I preach. Not matter what happens to me forgiveness still = freedom. Very few things I can do are as burrito as forgiveness.
A wise man once told me " your heart is only so big.... The more hate/anger/resentment that is in your heart, the less room for happiness/joy and love.... So what's it going to be?"
As a divorced man, I had to forgive in order to move on.
It doesn't mean that I forgot what happened or will ever trust anything she says or does again, it means that the hate and anger is gone and I am better for it.
IMO
As a divorced man, I had to forgive in order to move on.
It doesn't mean that I forgot what happened or will ever trust anything she says or does again, it means that the hate and anger is gone and I am better for it.
IMO
I can forgive others. That doesn't mean that I am worthy of it.
My apologies, I was messing around and I probably wasn't clear. What I meant to say was that I think you are a decent dude maybe and you deserve to be a free man not all tied down with unforgiveness and bitterness.
If you ever get to the point where you can do that 100% of the time, someone will come along and nail you to a tree.
Hope whatever landed on your plate recently is getting better. Peace.
Thanks U.F. Yup, life comes at you like a pie in the face sometimes. Two incidents that involved yelling
have actually turned into opportunities. Both times I had to swallow my pride, reach out and have good honest talks with people. I waited until tempers died down and then got together.
If they were, it wouldn't be forgiveness. Either they would have made up for whatever they did, paid their debt so that any further rancor against them was unjust and no forgiveness was needed, or one would agree to overlook something because their value in some other sphere outweighs the offense in question. Actual forgiveness means there was a genuine offense but the forgiver chooses not to demand just consequences for it, to swallow the debt and restore the relationship simply because it is their wish to do so.
C'mon. You've lived in San Francisco long enough to know that some folks actually enjoy that kind of thing.
Shhh! You're going to get people all excited.C'mon. You've lived in San Francisco long enough to know that some folks actually enjoy that kind of thing.
