Funny CL post - Drummer and Bass looking

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by oldrocker, Sep 23, 2022.

  1. A drummer I know is looking to find players for us to join and form a band.

    This is what he posts - the formatting is as it was listed. Would anyone in their right mind actually read all the way through it and respond? I couldn't get all the way through it and in involves me :woot::


    THE 'insert band name here' is a band for seasoned PEOPLE. We are both excellent musicians. We are a drummer and a bassist rhythm section who just want to continue to perform featuring you. We are looking to perform once or twice a month or less and the money is not the object. We grew up listing to and playing southern rock, classic rock, blues, Beatles, Almond Brothers, Lynyrd Skynyrd, line dance and lite cover tune favorites too numerous to mention. Similar to the music played on the Dove radio. We want to provide music for the pleasure of senior dancers and the listeners. We want to stay in the same musical circles we have been playing in all of our lives. We do not play or rehearse just for fun. We do not play endless rehearsals either. We look to accommodate each and everyone in the band and that means if the song comes easily to all players then we keep it and if it does not then we drop it and move on. We are a rhythm section that supports the front man with dynamics to make sure the vocals come through in the mix. We look for a long-term relationship. We can and we are willing to accommodate you as long as your material is material that we are used to working with. Know your music well enough to perform it. Send me a list of songs with the keys you play them in. We may be familiar with some songs on your list that I have not mentioned here in this posting. Ideally we are looking for one or two additional players however we are not limiting the size of the group. We are interviewing for a good working entertainment package whether it's a trio or additional. We have no PA system. We are working out of Port Richey. We are looking for a front man or woman with a PA system and four sets of music. Then you are what we are looking for. You can have an instant ready-made band to back you up for those engagements that a single just won't do. We want to stick to the same music we've been working with all these years and not start over with something new. We can and want you to be able to use loud and soft volume changes to show case the voice. We have excellent timing. We know where ONE is. Do not be copycats of the original music. Improvise. Please play it your own style. Do not copy cat the original song. We will do the same. The dynamics we use drives the passion. We believe that we are artists ready to stitch together a tapestry of sound with you that the audience would enjoy hearing. Be a people pleaser and a circus with a purpose. To quote Pink Floyd's drummer Nick Mason, “ A band is essentially a drummer and a bassist plus assorted novelty acts." You are welcome to email me to interview each other at this drug free and alcohol free environment.
     
  2. Oddly

    Oddly

    Jan 17, 2014
    Dublin, Ireland.
    That's quite the manifesto. Some valid points, but, my god, it's way too long.
     
  3. I love the Almond Brothers!
     
  4. swink

    swink

    Jan 10, 2019
    It lacks a bit of structure, but it is clear.
    I hope you don't have to pay for every word used, like in the olden days.
     
    bertthebassist and Rip Van Dan like this.
  5. jad

    jad

    Aug 29, 2002
    Pittsburgh, PA
    I guess the music is its own reward?
    It would be nice to clarify what kind of PEOPLE you're looking for. You know, singer, guitars, keys, whatever. Don't put the drummer in charge of social media.
     
  6. I grew up listing song too.
     
    design, whero, CBRXJ and 4 others like this.
  7. bfields

    bfields

    Apr 9, 2015
    Ann Arbor, MI
    Yeah, if it was organized into sections with paragraph breaks, it would be easier to scan and wouldn't feel so long.

    ("Influences", "who we are", "what we're looking for", "how to contact us", etc.).
     
  8. Then you should see my tribute group The Almond Milkers.


    Bring a poncho, but not a Sears poncho.
     
  9. dadglasser

    dadglasser

    Oct 11, 2009
    upload_2022-9-24_7-47-5.png
     
  10. RichSnyder

    RichSnyder Columbia, MD Supporting Member

    Jun 19, 2003
    Any chance of legit replies to that? Probably not.
     
    Marley's Ghost and oldrocker like this.
  11. ardgedee

    ardgedee

    May 13, 2018
    If I'm used to playing leads on stage I'm not sure if I'd apply for a gig with a rhythm section that told me I wasn't as important as them.
     
    Calebmundy, ELG60, ToneMonkey and 4 others like this.
  12. GeorgesEric

    GeorgesEric

    Mar 24, 2021
    I think he will get replies. Writing is not the greatest but the message is sincere.
     
    Robert Booker, BSatt and oldrocker like this.
  13. ebo

    ebo

    Jul 15, 2012
    Bay Area, Ca
    I grew up listing to them as well!
     
    5StringBlues likes this.
  14. ebo

    ebo

    Jul 15, 2012
    Bay Area, Ca
    If the drummer was hired to be social media marketing director, well, you know the three word mantra….
     
    bassically_eli, oldrocker and klejst like this.
  15. Well, they were originally called " The Allman Joys".
    I wonder...
    When the brothers left that band, did they change their name to " The Mounds"?
    Cause, sometimes you feel like a nut..:laugh:
     
  16. klejst

    klejst Guest

    Oct 5, 2010
    Paragraphs are friends.
     
  17. cchorney

    cchorney

    Oct 21, 2010
    Meriden, CT
    "We want to stick to the same music we've been working with all these years and not start over with something new. "

    That's kind of a huge ask from a rhythm section in search of a band. I'm a bassist and I would hate to join a new band and have it be all the stuff I already know. Where is the fun in that?
     
    bassplace, gln1955, Dega60 and 5 others like this.
  18. aprod

    aprod

    Mar 11, 2008
    I stopped reading after Almond brothers. You all sound clueless. I would never respond to such a poorly written ad.
     
  19. swink

    swink

    Jan 10, 2019
    Why should you, they already have a bassist? :thumbsup:
     
  20. Who let the drummer out?