Getting Kids interested in music

[scott sinner]

Don't try to push your kids into what YOU like. Let them find their own ways, and support the @#&_@ out of them if it is something positive. Down the road they will appreciate it, work harder at what they choose, and don't worry, you will find things in common.

Yeah, I've been there ...

My parents and grandparents pushed me into music. Several folks in the family were gigging musicians and/or teachers.
I could read music when I was 5 or 6. Strum basic guitar chords, play chords on piano, knew basic theory.

But the thing was, they were really only feeding me their old music. I thought of music as stuff for old people. It wasn't until I was a little older and got assertive and asked about newer music and my grandpa put on Black Sabbath! Wasn't stuff he listened to but he got it to learn it for some students.

I was in bands not too long after.

My son has a sea of instruments he'd been able to play on, he is only really into making beats with Ableton.

 

[Slevage]

No problem.
I don’t know how to play hockey or baseball.
I’ve enjoyed playing bass for over 50 years.

 

[Bruiser Stone]

I’ve got 4 of them, ages 13, 12, and 10 year old twins. The oldest doesn’t seem to hold much interest for music, but the other 3 have taken a keen interest in cello, violin, and piano. If I had a drum set, I bet at least one would mess around on it. Over a year ago, I introduced them to Green Onions from Booker T & The MG’s. Their interest seemed to catapult from that moment forward to the present.

 

[mrperkolator]

Full disclosure - I'm figuring this out as I go myself. What I do know, is that every kid is different. My oldest does not seem to be drawn to music. My younger two are. My Mom was a music teacher, so I was pushed into things I didn't like as a kid. So my approach early on was to have instruments available and let it take hold. This helped but not fully.

What clicked for me is what Victor Wooten said. I'm praising him as a musician in this, and not a bass player. "Music is an experience." I decided to get my kids out more to see more live music, and my daughter decided to join orchestra. That was the best. Now she's having an experience with her peers. We sat with my brother over winter break and did improv over a 4 chords. She loved it. Despite it being some weird mixture of blues/rock/jazz (not her style) from guitar/bass/cello players. She didn't perceive she was being taught in that moment. She was having fun jamming.

That's when it really clicked for me. To get people of any age involved in music, we should focus on how one experiences music. My kids weren't interested in another experience of dad's teaching - no matter the subject. Reframe that content into something enjoyable.

There is a delicate balance between forcing practice and just saying "whatever." The other reason she's doing good on cello is we told her it was expensive, and she had to practice. She chose the instrument, we pushed. It's working with her, but I dont think it would work with my son.

IDK what works with all kids. But with mine, focusing on the experience instead of content seems to help. Get them loving it first, content comes later.

 

[BarqsBitMe]

Throw away video games.

Destroying your kid's stuff isn't a great way to get them to be interested in your interests.

 

[arbiterusa]

I don't know what to do

You do nothing. A surefire way to get a kid to hate playing music is to push it on them. They're either interested or they aren't.

 

[Robscott]

Guys - I'm sad.
My daughter is 9, going on 10 - and nothing I can do seems to get her interested in music outside of jumping around the house and singing out of tune.
I've tried to teach her a little bass. guitar, uke, piano.
She's not interested in anything she has to work at for more than 60 seconds.

By this age, I was already playing elementary school recitals.
I don't expect her to be a prodigy. But I know that there's certain musical literacy if you don't pick it up at a young age is very hard to replicate later.

I don't know what to do

Maybe it's just all people screaming at the camera on youtube or TikTok from here on out.

Just tell her on no account is she to learn music

 

[DirtDog]

I had my daughter in piano for a few years and she was getting pretty good. But she didn’t like it at all. Oh well. She then got involved in musical theatre, she’s a decent singer, but all that got curtailed by the pandemic and now she’s aged out of that program. Hoping she can get involved at her university when things start to open up. She and I have recorded some of her favourite songs. Her on vox and me on everything else. What she really likes to do is draw. She’ll spend hours a day doing that and her work is really good. She’s spent years developing her style. She does it just for herself. I’ve tried to commission her to do artwork for the band (in her style) and she’s just not interested in creating something to someone else’s brief.

As long as she’s happy, I’m happy. If she ever gets the guitar bug she knows she can grab any of my instruments and have a go at it.

 

[burgerdj]

We seeded music with our kids (now 9 and 6) by having instruments readily available at a very early age - piano, percussion, ukulele, etc. I also encourage them to listen to music while they clean their room and play. I talk with them about music all the time and ask them what they like and describe why they like it.

One of the biggest influences on them was seeing live music - especially young women playing instruments they are familiar with -violin, cello, bass, guitar, etc. - and having a great time doing it!

our oldest is beginning to understand that to become proficient takes time and effort but the pay off is limitless fun, new friends and great experiences. She’s playing violin and wants to join chorus. Our youngest may follow suite as she can disappear from the world with her headphones on, hammering out various noises in a keyboard. I hope they stick with it.

 

[bolophonic]

I have wrestled with this for a long time. My kids (8 and 10) have just started showing an interest in creating music. Not a profound interest, but enough to show. Obviously, as a musician, I’m going to reach out with music to make connections, so it stung a little when they would refuse to participate when they were younger, but I just kept doing what I do and now they are evolving, too. My oldest son was the most resolute about it, but now he asks me to play my own band’s albums in the car and we scat along to the music together. Good luck!

 

[mrcbass]

I don't have kids so just my opinion. All you can do is expose them to things. If they have interest they'll pursue it, if they don't it'd be nothing but a struggle to try to force them.

As a child, I was exposed to music through my parents. Dad was often noodling around on his acoustic as early as I can remember and I must have been interested in that, because I got my first guitar when I was 7. Mom had a greater musical background and started giving me piano lessons at around 10. I don't remember caring much for that (it felt like a chore), but it was a great introduction to reading music for me. When I entered Jr High, we all got tested for musical aptitude (at least I did) and I was allowed into introductory band. I don't recall specifically wanting that, but didn't hate it.

It wasn't until deep into high school - once I finally got to a point of higher understanding and was good enough to make pleasant noises - that making music was an important part of my life. I went on to major in music in University.

My story takes a different turn at this point, but I suppose my point is: I was supported but not pushed. Had I been pushed, there's no telling how my relationship with music would have caromed.

 

[lfmn16]

I don't know what to do

Quit bugging her and let her do her own thing. The only thing you'll teach her by forcing the issue is to hate music.

You've got your life, let her have hers.

 

[Deleted member 365158]

Of course the knee jerk reaction is to want your kids to do/like what you do. It don’t work that way though.
I have 2 sons. 13 and 15.
They do play and have some natural talent. Both argued in the past that they didn’t want to play guitar or drums or bass or piano or cello or viola or violin.
We said fine to most of that but made them stick with viola and cello as a compromise. My wife and I didn’t want to force certain things on them but they both picked up the cello/viola quickly and I personally wanted them to learn more theory than me, for their own good.
Now, they still play cello/viola are are still taking lessons.
My oldest plays drums and piano a bit... actually he can figure songs out on his own!!
My youngest plays guitar and bass.
Im glad we made them stick with lessons, i think they see how that helps.
Im pretty sure they wouldn’t be playing the other instruments if we would have forced those on them too.

oh, and they still play video games.

 

[BassBrass]

did 3 semesters at music college, which turned out to be toxic and damaging. He's resetting, but still makes music

Great post neighbor. I'm curious, was it something particular about the music college as well as his personal struggle at that age (which I certainly shared and needed a reset, a few...) I know a great artistic kid who suffered at a prestigious art school age 18 partly because he didn't fit the uniform version of art school cool. It was like going from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds. This kid taught me the word "dystopian", which has become an important word, it's what 1/2 the TV shows are. and Disturbed 's Sound Of Silence video.

 

[sporadic29414]

... So my approach early on was to have instruments available and let it take hold. ...

This has been my approach as well. The oldest is into Soccer (she'll be playing in College next year) and the youngest is into dance (wants to have her own studio one day). For myself, I was never into sports at all as I kid. Was a computer geek and have made my living in the tech field. I enjoy music and it's a hobby for me. We have 0 shared interests, but have been fully supportive of theirs (leading booster clubs, building props for dance, announcing games at high school, etc...). The youngest, being into dance, seems to enjoy music more and is a big fan of Stevie Nicks thanks to her mother She saw Fleetwood Mac at 10 and has done dance solos at competitions to their music. I've told them that I'd support whatever musical interests they have, whether they want to self learn or take lessons. For me, it's about fun. Every now and then, they'll get on the e-drums and make some noise. I'd bought a Mikro Bass and Rumble 25 (now drum amp) for the youngest and she dabbled with it for about a month or so, then decided she wanted it out of her room. Every now and then though, they'll want to play something so I make sure everything is always available. There's a keyboard as well that she learned a few things on by herself. The best thing you can do IMO is make music available. If it's forced, you won't want to do it. Happened to me with piano and sax as a kid, when all I wanted to play was guitar and drums. Eventually, picked up bass and that's where my heart is. Now 48, bought my first kit (e-kit) last year. I do regret knocking off piano, but I think the formality of it is what killed my interest as a kid. I'm a big fan of budget / bang for buck instruments so the kids are welcome to play this whenever they want.

 

[hotrodjohn]

They are not going to do what you wish they would do. They are much more influenced by peer pressure. If their friends are interested in music, they will become interested. Hopefully they will start mingling with the music crowd.
There was a window of opportunity years ago with the Rock Band video games to get some of the digital age kids to be exposed to some decent music, but that window seems to have closed.

 

[mattj1stc]

Part of the issue might be finding an instrument or situation that fits what your daughter wants to do. The hard part may be figuring out what she wants to do.

My daughter is 14 and we started her on piano (supposedly the best gateway instrument) when she was around 5. She has musical ability, so she took to it and did pretty well, but by the time she was 10, she was done with it. Piano, at a certain level of proficiency, becomes very individual performance driven, with competitions being the main thing. My daughter liked learning new things on piano, but she didn't have the drive or interest to push herself to go from being good at it to being great at it.

Luckily, her school had mandatory band participation in 5th and 6th grade, so she took up the flute. Because she has musical ability and she had the piano background, she did really well at playing flute. However, playing flute, especially once the pandemic hit, quickly moved from learning the instrument and playing as part of the band to again, demonstrating individual proficiency. My daughter really liked learning the flute and playing in the band, but once again once it became all about perfecting an individual performance, she lost interest. FWIW, she only likes playing team sports, not individual ones, and she continues to play 3 sports reasonably well (at school with her friends) rather than locking in on one club sport and playing it all year-round. In other words, there's kind of a person preference being expressed here.

During the pandemic, she saw a video on the internet of someone playing a ukulele and singing. She got a ukulele, taught herself how to play it as well as sing along. In the end, we should have channeled the piano more into having her accompany herself while she sang rather than becoming perfect at piano. We also could have maybe tried acoustic guitar, which might have been better than ukulele in terms of accompanying herself while she sings. As a postscript, she has followed the singing and is having a blast in musical theater. Will it carry on? Who knows?

Anyway, I don't regret all of the exposure to music that we've provided, even if it doesn't turn into a life-long interest - it's made her more well-rounded. Part of our missteps were not understanding her interests/preferences, but part of it is also how the system is set up (music and sports). There's such a drive to create individual excellence at an early age, that it ends up discouraging kids at a really early age.

Really, it's so very different today from my experience. I picked up bass guitar at 12 (self-taught) when some friends were forming a band and asked me to play bass because I was the tallest. I also only started to play football in high school but went on to play in college. Today, I would probably have to have started on both things at 5 years old with professional instruction, otherwise, I would probably have been weeded out.

 

[bigthemat]

10 is not too old to start. Being around music, listening, playing, there is so much that they are subconsciously picking up without it being a formal music lesson.

I can't find the article, but remember in my college days they did a study comparing the progress of piano students that started at ages 5 through 10, and by like age 15 or whatever they were all about the same level of competence. The ones that started earlier progressed slower, so the older kids were able to make up lost time and it all balances out at the end.

Also in college, we helped with a senior citizen community orchestra. It was for people that either played strings as a kid and want to play again, or for brand new players that always wanted to play, and now that they're retired they have time to learn the viola or whatever. It's never too late to start learning and having fun.

My oldest is very musical. She loves to sing, makes up songs, she stole my ol harmonica and actually sounded good on it. I can tell she has some natural talent like her daddy, but I'm not going to force anythign on her yet. She's 7, and I think that's still too young for formal lessons (especially with her adhd.... focus is a hard thing right now). She has expressed interest in learning an instrument, but gonna wait till she's at least 10 or so.

 

[truand85]

Guys - I'm sad.
My daughter is 9, going on 10 - and nothing I can do seems to get her interested in music outside of jumping around the house and singing out of tune.
I've tried to teach her a little bass. guitar, uke, piano.
She's not interested in anything she has to work at for more than 60 seconds.

By this age, I was already playing elementary school recitals.
I don't expect her to be a prodigy. But I know that there's certain musical literacy if you don't pick it up at a young age is very hard to replicate later.

I don't know what to do

Maybe it's just all people screaming at the camera on youtube or TikTok from here on out.

Show no interest, or urge her not to show any interest because it's "lame".

 

[TreySonagras]

I teach jazz band and guitar class at a public school. The guitar class is cool because the kids never even think about their phones while the guitar is in their hands.