1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  

Ghost builds?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Nobody, Feb 13, 2016.

  1. Nobody

    Nobody Banned

    Jul 14, 2004
    I recently read(skimmed through) a thread about top highly skilled artists having instruments custom built to look like the one they are known for but with better quality, features, craftsmanship, and yada yada yada than they can get from a major manufacturer. I'm not sure if this is true or not nor do I care. The concept does give me an idea for a possible solution for a problem I've been having for years though. I have not been able to find a bass that is equal to my skill level. Perhaps I should try one of these custom shops and see if they can do it. I mean.... I have literally tried them all.... SX.... Rogue.... Ibanez GIO..... First Act..... Starcaster by Fendre...... Wishbass..... I cannot find a bass that is not too good for my skill level! What does a person have to do to get a bass bad enough around here? Before you ask... Yes, I have tried to do a poor set-up and the cheapest strings I could find. I've sanded down the fretboard edges so the frets stick out more but it's still not enough. I've removed the string height adjustment screws so the saddles sit directly on the bridge plate and it is still too good for me. The truss rod is as tight as I can get it without stripping it out. The strings fret out on every single note no matter where I play but I still feel that the instruments far exceed my musical ability. What do you all think? Should I keep trying decent instruments and try to get them to suck as bad as I do or should I get a custom built? What suggestions do you have to make a bass worse? What kind of features should I ask for if I decide to go custom?
    Thanks for the help everyone.
  2. kcole4001


    Oct 7, 2009
    Nova Scotia
    You need a time machine to travel back to the 1970s to find some really impressive cheap instruments!
    Many of those will be equal or below your level.

    (Un)fortunately, most have been burned or carefully fitted to appropriately sized landfills many years ago, so without time travel they are hard to recreate.
    Nobody likes this.
  3. fhm555

    fhm555 So FOS my eyes are brown Supporting Member

    Feb 16, 2011
    Soak you bass for 96 hours in a solution of 50% mineral oil, 25% rendered lard, and 25% real butter.

    Prepare the mixture in a vessel large enough to completely submerge the bass (an old bathtub works well for this), then heat the mixture until all the semi viscous components are throughly melted, then stir to throughly combine.

    Once you vat is prepared, dunk your bass and completely submerge it. Since your bass is most likely constructed of wood, a couple of concrete blocks to hold it down may be in order.

    *DISCLAIMER* by mentioning you bass may be made of wood should in no way be construed as an endorsement, official or personal, for the use of wood as the best choice of material to be used in the construction of electric bass guitars. There are many alternative materials which would render a decidedly inferior instrument, but that is not to imply these materials cannot be used in the construction of electric bass guitars, that the vast majority are made of wood serves as it's own endorsement for the obvious superiority of wood as the best material for bass.

    Once your bass has soaked for 96 hours, remove it and hang it up over the vat so any excess solution drains back into the vat. Allow to dry for one week, or 168 hours, whichever comes first. Wipe everything down with rags saturated in denatured alcohol to remove any remaining excess dip and you now have a bass that is slicker than snot on a doorknob, fatter sounding than a big boar hog, and plays like butter.

    Oh wait...you wanted your bass to suck more...never mind.
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
    McG, mj_ and Nobody like this.
  4. Old Blastard

    Old Blastard

    Aug 18, 2013
    When I was a kid I made a bass out of a toilet seat, some plywood and an2x4 but I threw it away because I knew nobody would want it. Little did I know how right I was.
    mj_, Old Garage-Bander and Nobody like this.
  5. Slimer can make what you desire.
    Give him a call.

    Old Garage-Bander and Nobody like this.
  6. And how many of us got rid of an old crappy bass only to find that decades later it's worth some good coin?
    My hand is raised.
    Blueinred likes this.
  7. Assuming you have strings with the round ferrules at the end...
    1. Remove the strings.
    2. Put masking tape on the body along the bottom of the bridge.
    3. Mark the location of the string ferrules on the tape.
    4. Remove the bridge. DO NOT FILL THE SCREW HOLES!
    5. Break a #2 yellow pencil in half. Save it for later.
    6. Put nails thru the ferrules and hammer them into the bass on the marks you made.
    7. Load the strings into the tuners and tighten but not too tight.
    8. Get a one inch diameter plastic Rx bottle.
    9. Cut the bottle in half lengthwise.
    10. Place the half bottle, round side up, under the strings at about the proper scale length for your bass.
    11. Tighten strings to tune.
    12. Adjust the angle and position of the pill bottle for best intonation.
    13. Leave the masking tape on. This, along with the bridge holes are as close to mojo as you're going to get.
    14. Get the broken pencil that you previously put aside.
    15. Ask yourself, "What the eff... why did I break the pencil?
    16. Once you are over questioning the pencil thing, you will be in the right frame of mind to start playing.
    17. Enjoy having a great excuse for crappy play.
    Nobody and S-Bigbottom like this.
  8. Form my Mate and I,

    Happy Valentines Day.


    Now we will retire into our Love Camber.
    For those of you that are into this sort of thing, the door will be open, come on in.
    Nobody likes this.
  9. Iamthelampshade


    Aug 7, 2014
    I've always heard rumors of these things like how Slash from GNR's Gibson isn't actually a Gibson. It seems interesting and if there ever had to be a conspiracy theory in the world of instrument it seems like this would be the ultimate one. Until we find that Leo Fender was actually a shape shifting reptilian that controlled what music we listened to. Then it would be topped.
    Nobody likes this.
  10. whatizitman


    Sep 9, 2014
    I've always had the dream of getting paid to do a Pete Townsend. Please send me a bass with cash (you pay shipping), and I shall have my wish. I can send it back when I'm done for you for testing (you pay shipping).

    Ok? Ok.
    Nobody likes this.
  11. rogerbmiller

    rogerbmiller Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 16, 2003
    Try putting Bartolinis in your SX. That should take it down a notch.
    S-Bigbottom and Nobody like this.
  12. Nobody

    Nobody Banned

    Jul 14, 2004
    I haven't tried Bartolinis but I have tried Tortolinis.
    rogerbmiller and MYLOWFREQ like this.
  13. rogerbmiller

    rogerbmiller Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 16, 2003
    they sound better than Bartolini's.
    Nobody and MYLOWFREQ like this.
  14. Taste better too.
    S-Bigbottom, Nobody and MYLOWFREQ like this.

    MYLOWFREQ Supporting Member

    May 13, 2011
    New York
    you don't need to replace the pickups. just boil them twice a year.
    S-Bigbottom, rogerbmiller and Nobody like this.

    MYLOWFREQ Supporting Member

    May 13, 2011
    New York
    especially when they're boiled.
    rogerbmiller, S-Bigbottom and Nobody like this.
  17. rogerbmiller

    rogerbmiller Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 16, 2003
    Oh right I Tooootaly forgot!
    Nobody and MYLOWFREQ like this.
  18. Blueinred


    Mar 12, 2009
    Greater Cincy
    Man, don't I know it. I couldn't get rid of my very first bass, a '73 Olympic white Precision, that I paid $200 for in early '77. I learned on that bass but it had, literally, one tone. The tone knob did very little, if anything. I traded it to a local music store for a used Travis Bean (aluminum neck). If I had kept it I could sell it now and buy a sweet used Sadowsky or Roscoe. Damn. Who knew?
    Nobody likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.