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Guitarist asks for "hiatus."

Not another guitard story!

Well, anyway, it's a sad story. My cover band has been together for about a year as a five-piece, but we've only played out twice. I've been a bit of a stickler about learning 30+ songs because most of the venues here (Tallahassee) ask that you rock face for 2-3 hours a night, although I personally don't think it should have taken us a year (practicing twice a week!) to learn 30 songs, but that's neither here nor there at this point. We cover '80s glam metal tunes, so there are more than enough. The issue is with our 30-year old lead guitarist.

When I first met him about a year ago, he was separated from his wife and was living with his uncle. Fine. A few months after that, he then got booted from his uncle's house for raiding his uncle's wine cabinet without asking. He then moved into his friend's house before finally getting his own run-down apartment. He was then fired from his job as a repair tech. He starts a relationships, of sorts, with a 48-year old woman. She is actually really, really cool. The interesting side of this is that she doesn't work - she's independently wealthy and just paints all day. But our guitarist decides that he doesn't want anything to do with that, so he essentially steals the wife of one of his friends. These two start living together in his apartment. About two-three weeks ago, she woke up one morning and said she needed to run errands -- except she never came back. She got on a plane and flew to Miami to stay with her grandmother. She left a cryptic note with her mother saying that she still loved the guy but needed to sort things out. The following night, his nephew, who was driving his car, got into a car accident (not his fault) and totalled it. So, our guitarist is without car, without job, and without woman. He then calls me and asks for a hiatus.

Now, I need to interject here that this guitarist is actually a really good guy, all things considered and wife-stealing tendencies notwithstanding! He's also a damn fine guitarist. His motivation is a bit suspect, however. Common sense? Enh... not so much.

My issue here is that we just finished recording our demo. It still needs to be mixed/mastered, but the recording process is finished nonetheless. We also know (to various levels of completeness) 29 of the 31 songs I had chosen for this endeavour. We are really just that close to being fully ready to play out, and all this happens. I don't want to pile on, because obviously he's had a rough go, especially in the past few weeks. I called him Sunday night to check up on him, but he didn't call back. Last I spoke to him, about a week ago, he said he had essentially gotten a job and his dad, who lives in Utah, was going to help him get a new car.

So my question is... how long do I give him? I realize I probably shouldn't've let it get to this point, but there were other factors at work here. I figured I'd give him about another week to call me back (the other guitarist is defending his M.S. thesis in... well, about 75 minutes, so it's not like everybody else is free) before I deliver an ultimatum.
 
I don't think you should give him an ultimatum. It sounds like, regardless of recent history, that the two of you are good friends. If that's the case, he probably needs you to be a good, supportive friend right now more than anything. The band will still be there. You can still practice as a 4-piece, couldn't you? At least until the other guitarist makes up his mind about what his priorities are?

I'll probably get flamed for my response, but that's how I feel.
 
a year? do these guys not learn the songs on thier own? sounds to me like there's more problems than just the guitar player.

Yeah, that seem's pretty weird.

Music needs to be fun or it isn't worth it but you still need to work at it so you sound good.

However, practice is the 'work' part and playing out is the 'fun' part. Without the 'fun' part it's all 'work' and not worth it.

Maybe these guys are just having their 'fun' playing together? Nothing wrong with that.

:D

Joe.
 
80's hair rock is serious business...


z7shysterical.gif
 
I don't think you should give him an ultimatum. It sounds like, regardless of recent history, that the two of you are good friends. If that's the case, he probably needs you to be a good, supportive friend right now more than anything. The band will still be there. You can still practice as a 4-piece, couldn't you? At least until the other guitarist makes up his mind about what his priorities are?

I'll probably get flamed for my response, but that's how I feel.

I completely feel you in this regard. I'm having a hard time right now finding a space between being a good friend and being the bandleader. I did ask him, when I spoke to him a week ago, if he wanted to quit the band, and he assured me that he still wanted to continue. He said that he's in a mental state where he doesn't practice at all... he just mopes. If this guy were a jerk and I didn't like hanging out with him outside of practice (we've hung out on a multitude of occasions), then yeah, it'd be no big deal and I'd find a new guitarist. I suppose I'm giving him a bit of time because our singer leaves on Thursday for 10-ish days for Cancun (tough life!) and our drummer is gone for a week right after that, so it's not like we're that pressed for time at the moment.

And this wouldn't be a true '80s hair metal (cover) band if one of our members didn't have issues... enough issues for like five bands.

And Melrose Place!? Heather Locklear?! Way to date yourselves, you old fogies! :D Aren't the kids watching garbage like The Hills these days?
 
Yeah, that seem's pretty weird.

Music needs to be fun or it isn't worth it but you still need to work at it so you sound good.

However, practice is the 'work' part and playing out is the 'fun' part. Without the 'fun' part it's all 'work' and not worth it.

Maybe these guys are just having their 'fun' playing together? Nothing wrong with that.

:D

Joe.

There is definitely element of fun when we play together, so I wouldn't consider it a total waste. The issue at hand is that I think I'm the only one in the band with any real, serious previous band experience. I played some difficult progressive technical thrash metal a few years ago, so this music is actually a lot easier than what I'm used to. I've sat through a lot of growing pains from all the other members of the band, and the reason I've stuck by them for so long is because they are such good guys and we have such a great time playing together. Seeing them make progress does bring me gratification in that I went all nitpicking perfectionist on them in the beginning (especially the drummer and the rhythm guitarist), but I can see and hear the results. That makes me proud.
 
This guy must have some good qualities that you haven't described, but to the casual reader he seems like a major loser. If you want to do anything other than play in the garage, it is time to find another guitarist.

Since you want to go about this nicely, I would start auditioning for a fill in guitarist. That can usually take a few months anyway. By then, you should know if he is coming back.

But I still think you will be better off in the future with a more reliable guitarist.
 
There is definitely element of fun when we play together, so I wouldn't consider it a total waste. The issue at hand is that I think I'm the only one in the band with any real, serious previous band experience. I played some difficult progressive technical thrash metal a few years ago, so this music is actually a lot easier than what I'm used to. I've sat through a lot of growing pains from all the other members of the band, and the reason I've stuck by them for so long is because they are such good guys and we have such a great time playing together. Seeing them make progress does bring me gratification in that I went all nitpicking perfectionist on them in the beginning (especially the drummer and the rhythm guitarist), but I can see and hear the results. That makes me proud.

Cool. I understand your situation then, having gone through something very similar in one of my current bands.

Honestly, it all depends on how long you are willing to wait.

It sounds like you have no gigs coming up (yet) so finish the demo first. Hopefully something good will happen with his situation in the meantime.

After that, in all fairness to everyone else, start looking for someone else.

:D

Joe.
 
If he's not been motivated to learn material in any form of an acceptable fashion in the past, and is not motivated to practice now... well...


The biggest predictor of future action is past action.


I wouldn't expect a life changing event and the guy to become miraculously motivated. Either he drags you down, or you move on.
 
just another example of how much more than pure musicianship needs to be factored in considering band mates...

if you are loosing money/gigs, you ought to replace him. If you aren't gigging yet because of him, then ask yourself how ready everybody else is , consider playing with 1 less guitarist or replacing him. - I can't imagine a guitarist who know a lot of 80's hair metal is hard to find.

I myself went thru a spell of unemployment and singleness and at the time my band was the only steady thing in my life...but i never bailed on a band commitment during the time.

+1 to a year being too long for 30 songs...esp covers...
 
have you got the number of the independently wealthy artist lady??? :)

Haha. Unfortunately, no. She's quite pretty for a 48-year old woman, too (I'm 25, to put that into perspective). Our drummer has her phone number. When you call her voicemail, you get, "This line is for rockers only!"

Anyway, the guitarist finally called me back today. He has a new job starting Monday and he should have a car by the end of this week. He said that if he's not at practice tomorrow, he'll definitely be there Monday. I honestly hafta say he hasn't sounded that chipper since... well, basically since this all began.

If he doesn't show up to practice next week, well... I'll totally accept the itoldyousos.
 

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