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Guy we fired playing across the street

#43
Phalex said:
So, apparently, there's at least one person that I'm aware of that really doesn't like me.
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Don't sell yourself short! There are probably more! ;)

Let it sink in. He may think on it a while. People who truly like each other and enjoy each other's company usually let this stuff go. It just takes longer for some people- and I would be one of those people. He may bring you a shot some time.
 
#47
Good advice is never burn your bridges. I took a sabbatical from playing music for many years and when I returned, I ran into most of the same people that were heavy into the scene back in the day. Most of us are going to be into music and playing in bands for the rest of our lives. I would stop in and say "hey... heard you were playing and wanted to stop in a say Hi." Start the healing process and a little good karma will go a long way. I would stay away from the shots however in case the booze triggers some emotional skeletons in the closet.
 
#49
Phalex said:
...So, apparently, there's at least one person that I'm aware of that really doesn't like me.
Click to expand...
Well, at least you know that person isn't really worth it. Honestly, bro, he sounds like a petty, immature baby. He's a grown @$$ man and he can't talk through a problem? The dude showed that he can't even sit down and have a man to man with you. I think you've done your part. The guy isn't worth the respect he demands. Oh well.

'sides...everyone around here likes you! :D
screw 'em!
 
#50
If after two years he is still bent it has nothing to do with you, he only thinks it does. It is on him, there is something in his head that is out of wack. He is just not fully grown (and I don't mean physically).

You did the right thing and its as simple as that. He is only hurting himself by.holding a grudge against you.
 
#52
Although I mostly agree with the comments here, and certainly applaud the OP for reaching out a friendly hand, one other little perspective:

Some people don't deal well with surprises. OP knew the guy was playing, thought in advance what he would or would not do or say, talked it over here, and kind of walked into the venue expecting to see his old bandmate. The drummer, on the other hand, may have been caught by surprise. Maybe not - he may have known about the proximity, and if so, probably knew of the habit of checking out bands across the street.

But if he was caught by surprise, his reaction might not be what it would be if he had had the chance to pick the time and place, or at least know about it, like the OP did. It's something to think about if one is ever planning something to seem more or less like an accidental or casual encounter. If the chance to think about what you'll say and do matters to you, give the other person the same chance. That's definitely true in dating situations, but I think it applies in situations like this, too.

There may still be a chance down the road to mend fences. I wouldn't write the guy off based on this.
 
#53
On the first break he could be surprised. But from there in he had the rest if the evening to not be surprised. We aren't in HS here. Plus, if this guy holds a grudge for two years? He knew the bar across the street had bands and moreover he most likely knew what band it was.

He got up and walked out w/o a word to make a statement.... unfortunately, that statement turned out to be: "Yes I'm still angry that band chose someone other than me two years ago even though I found a band that wants to play with me."
 
#55
He's a drummer. He was fired because he tried to be a frontman and didn't have the stage presence. Actually, that doesn't really speak too poorly of him if you think about that fact that he'd spent his time sitting behind a kit and never really had much of a chance to develop any stage presence for who knows how many years.

Keeping that in mind, he really shouldn't be all that bent out of shape over it--especially after 2 years! So, in my opinion, the guy's just immature.
 
#56
Rebecca said:
Although I mostly agree with the comments here, and certainly applaud the OP for reaching out a friendly hand, one other little perspective:

Some people don't deal well with surprises. OP knew the guy was playing, thought in advance what he would or would not do or say, talked it over here, and kind of walked into the venue expecting to see his old bandmate. The drummer, on the other hand, may have been caught by surprise. Maybe not - he may have known about the proximity, and if so, probably knew of the habit of checking out bands across the street.

But if he was caught by surprise, his reaction might not be what it would be if he had had the chance to pick the time and place, or at least know about it, like the OP did. It's something to think about if one is ever planning something to seem more or less like an accidental or casual encounter. If the chance to think about what you'll say and do matters to you, give the other person the same chance. That's definitely true in dating situations, but I think it applies in situations like this, too.

There may still be a chance down the road to mend fences. I wouldn't write the guy off based on this.
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No, phalex told jill over facebook he was coming and I'd be surprised if jill didn't tell brent. We all knew how it bothered him, so for her not to tell him... And brent is really nice but an introvert, not ideal for a frontman.
 
#57
I'm just kind of bummed about the whole thing. I felt really bad when we let him go, and given how much it stung him, I guess that was about the right thing for me to feel. I knew he took it hard, but he's held onto it for a good long time.

I really do wish him and the new band well. I just guess I shouldn't try to tell him that........
 

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