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have you ever smuggled some bass gear into you house?

#161
PastorofMuppets said:
Some of you have some messed up marriages. Communication is key, especially in finances.
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Let me preface this by saying I have a messed up marriage, and that in an ideal world I agree with your premise.

Communication only works when both parties assume the other is on the up and up. My wife is has been operating for some time under the assumption that I am going to ruin her and leave our children destitute (major unresolved daddy issues). We have had one major financial crisis in 14 years and I worked my arse off to get us out of that, and she still believes that I am going to ruin us. How do you communicate with that?
 
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#162
wives are the masters of sinking controlling hooks into their partners, it can be subtle or direct. Its how we as partners manager it within the relationship. Never be seen to be the "bad person" it gives the wife justification to take it further. This is one lesson i have learned in 20 yrs of marriage. I also know that they leave me for dead when it comes to subtle mind games that can make you angry inside, the key is not to over react. I've saved my marriage this way and have got some great music gear to show for it...lol
 
#166
I have tried some times but it never works; I'm a terrible liar and she know every single pice of gear that I own.

Last time I got a used G&L tribute and I asked the seller to send it to me at work and for some reason he send it to me at home so when i got it; i mention the price of what I paid and showed her the price of a usa made so she taught it was de deal of the century.

after I pluged that monster she agreed that it sounded really good so she was not mad anymore.
 
#167
I really dont know. I do know that if a marriage is good there is nothing like it or as fullfilling in the world. If it sucks and there is that level of distrust and fear then it can really suck the life out of the partners.

Being partners is the key. Crisis should pull people together but often times fear drives a wedge. Counseling can help to remove that wedge. Many churches offer it for very cheap or even free.



cheapbasslovin said:
Let me preface this by saying I have a messed up marriage, and that in an ideal world I agree with your premise.

Communication only works when both parties assume the other is on the up and up. My wife is has been operating for some time under the assumption that I am going to ruin her and leave our children destitute (major unresolved daddy issues). We have had one major financial crisis in 14 years and I worked my arse off to get us out of that, and she still believes that I am going to ruin us. How do you communicate with that?
Click to expand...
 
#168
This has certainly been a hilarious thread...

So this is really what "Don't ask...don't tell" is about? Ha, ha, ha, ha!!

Seriously my wife is all about fairness. If the bills are paid and we are not in need..fine. If not, oh well. That isn't to say I don't have GAS all the time. I'm all about window shopping (or usually Ebay lurking just to see what's out there).

But lately I have been trying to sell a bass without any success to buy a bike to go to work in. So, no sale, no bike.

R...
 
#170
PastorofMuppets said:
I really dont know. I do know that if a marriage is good there is nothing like it or as fullfilling in the world. If it sucks and there is that level of distrust and fear then it can really suck the life out of the partners.

Being partners is the key. Crisis should pull people together but often times fear drives a wedge. Counseling can help to remove that wedge. Many churches offer it for very cheap or even free.
Click to expand...

We've been through some counseling, with limited success. After sessions it turned into a game of, 'Did you hear what she said? She said I'm right.' That game sucked. I've pretty much resolved to do what I think is the right thing for my family and myself, let her know what I'm up to and not give a damn if she puts up a fight unless she has a really compelling argument that I hadn't thought of before. That works much better for me than always trying to make her happy (which was impossible anyway). If she wants to come around and work with me, I'm waiting, but no longer at my own expense.

I'm hoping for the best, we'll see.

Icey101 said:
wives are the masters of sinking controlling hooks into their partners, it can be subtle or direct.
Click to expand...

I don't believe this is inherently true, but it can be if you don't recognize what's in your relationship.

Icey101 said:
Never be seen to be the "bad person" it gives the wife justification to take it further. This is one lesson i have learned in 20 yrs of marriage.
Click to expand...
As long as you aren't a bad person, you don't ever need to give someone the satisfaction of having that conversation, that is what I've learned. You do a bad thing, you made a bad decision, I'll talk about that reasonably; as soon as it goes into 'you're a bad person' territory I'm out of that conversation.
Icey101 said:
I also know that they leave me for dead when it comes to subtle mind games that can make you angry inside, the key is not to over react. I've saved my marriage this way and have got some great music gear to show for it...lol
Click to expand...
Learning to recognize the distraction techniques and either steer the conversation the way it was going originally or abandon it altogether has helped me immensely. I always explain why I step out of the conversation, but I will no longer engage in a wild goose chase designed to get me to feel like I need to atone when nothing was actually harmed.

[/derail]
 
#172
Bongolation said:
I'm full of good sense.

People should listen to me more often. ;)
Click to expand...

Very good idea, I do that with both my music gear and gun purchases for the same reason. I curently do not have a girl friend or wife like "Jazz Ad". Just kidding buddy:smug: I do but she don't live with me (live about 80 miles away from each other), she is a guitarist any ways so she is into gear!!

Also I have learned from past mistakes about poor budgeting. Now if I buy any thing all the important stuff get paid first. Also I will save up for big purchase items, even if it takes a while. Doing side work or what ever. Figure it will take me about a year of saving up to get my Cirrus!! So if I do move in with my current girl someday or end up in a diff relationship, I hope this will help my cause (fingers crossed)!
 
#173
This is pretty much how it used to go for 18 years

Wife; What’s that thing, with the blue LEDs and the little
glowing light bulbs, I haven’t seen that before

Me; Oh that....it’s ....a... Carlos Van Dango dance fade
eliminator, with a modified dilithium crystal overdrive.

Wife; When did you get that?

Me; It belongs to Bob.

Wife: Who?

Me; You know....BOB...

Wife; Uh?

Me; BOB.... guitarist BOB..the tall, short, skinny ,fat, bald
bloke with long hair
He wants to sell it, so I’m trying it out.

Wife; Well, give it back to him, we need a new bedroom
suite and it clashes with the curtains.

Me; Ok ,will do, as soon as he gets back from the 5 yr
contract he is doing in Uzbekistan.

But I’m single now, and one whole wall in the lounge looks like a section in the bass centre. :D:hyper:

The Ex and myself get on better now than we did for many years married.
 
#175
The problem with sneaking it in for me would be that my wife is ignorant about gear, but can usually tell from how it looks that it cost a certain amount of money. Her response to my shopping gear is to grab my wallet, grab my card, and go out shopping herself.

Basically if I want to buy $500 worth of gear, I need to have $1000 so she can get equivalent worth-of-money stuff... I tried negotiating that once and got schooled :(
 
#176
All new gear goes straight to the band space.
I learned a while ago that the gf hates going with me to band practice and one day when i was about to buy a new cab and was thinking about how i would explain it to her the sky parted and jesus came down and was like "you know...she never goes to the band space...you could just put it there" and i was like "THX JESUS... Wait jesus are telling me i should hide this from my gf?" Jesus said "Thats how much I love bass"
 

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