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having time for music and a relationship

#121
Well, it's been a couple of weeks and I think I'd feel differently about my priorities if I'd been with someone who "gets" it. This guy was just not the right one for me. He really was very needy and would call me many times a day just to "check in." That's just not how I am....I get anxious when other people constantly try to track my every thought or move, because I spend a lot of time kinda in my own world and in my own head. Heck, I've been in BANDS where the lead singer would do that, and it drove me nuts even in that situation!

When I think about it, it seems to me that my parents have the ideal relationship...they spend quite a bit of time apart, but somehow it's made them into this solid unit of awesome that I think subconsciously, I hold up in my head as some sort of ideal. They have some similar interests (they both went to art school for grad school and went to the same college and to this day, they both enjoy painting) and some different ones (my dad likes golf and my mom likes running). They have this innate ability to each do their own thing without it being this huge home-wrecking crisis. Our family grew up that way...we always respected each other's "me time." It was okay to sit in your room with the door closed, as long as we sat at dinner together. It was just a really natural relationship. I didn't realize until this point in my life, how much that has shaped the qualities I value in others. But there you have it!

Anyway, there are A LOT OF CUTE BOYS IN NEW YORK. So I think I'll be okay. ;)
 
#123
My passion for music comes as part of me. I make that clear up front in any relationship situation. The most depressing thought for me is having the average American life consisting of the cookie cutter house with a white picket fence, a little barky dog and 1.5 children. I like excitement, and that just isn't it. Music is exciting for me. That will never change.
 
#124
Lownote38 said:
My passion for music comes as part of me. I make that clear up front in any relationship situation. The most depressing thought for me is having the average American life consisting of the cookie cutter house with a white picket fence, a little barky dog and 1.5 children. I like excitement, and that just isn't it. Music is exciting for me. That will never change.
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ARGH... I even have a white picket fence in my back yard! DAMMIT! :p I'm screwed!!

For the most part my cookie cutter life makes me very happy, wife and kids are great. It just seems that in this life there is no room for a weekend warrior who just wants to play with some guys (edit: or girls, should that be the case) to have a good time. Because the schedules of the other band members have to line up too, and it's a pain.
 
#125
ChrisB2 said:
Nothing trumps family and relationships. When you're old and near the end do you want to be surrounded by your large family of children and grandchildren or your basses?
:eek: :D
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No, Not at all.
There are already too many people on this planet.
You are advocating for "breed till it's overrun" mentality.
I am not on that page even a little bit.
Besides, I believe that someone who truly loves you wouldn't expect you to choose between them and an art or vocation that you love.
Selfishness isn't a component of love.
 
#127
OP, maybe "cute boy(s)" is the clue, never was i cute or even close, i had to work so hard and do much more than the good looking blokes, in order to compete for the female eye ( half the reason i played in bands ). Good looking blokes do not have to try all that hard, ditto the female whom is not so attractive as the "ideal", often you see those gals working real hard all the time, guess which one has the best relationship potential....

Watch the good looking lads, and keep both eyes open for the not so good looking lads, there be a reason why you may find the eye sees one thing and the hard reality is in the other eye.
 
#128
Hey Hern, no worries...

Unless your big on kids... let it go. It's not easy raising a todler in your 50's, I have many friends that can vouch for it. I ran hard in my younger days, even doing some touring as a roadie - unfortunately my skills are limited so I had to keep my day job and play for fun. My point - when I hit 40 and friends woudl ask what will I do when I get old and lonely - "I'll by a cat..." was my basic response.

Out of the blue I met Ms. Right, we're going on 19 great years, I had even quit playing regular when we met. When she saw I still had gear and played she was all for me joining a band... So it can work. The only thing I will say is that if your music career hasn't made it by 40, paying the bill (not rock stardom) be looking at a plan B.

Playing catchup in your 40's is a lot of work, I'm finishing my last credits for my BS at 57, graduating at 58. Lifes good and the road was a great teacher... just something to think about. I'll tell you, dogs are way easier than kids...

Cheers...
 
#129
Threads like this make me jealous of those who are growing up in the internet age. I would have been much happier during most of my life if I had not been limited to the very small circle of negative influences (alcoholic parents, neighborhood bullies, ultraconservative prudish teachers and racist authority figures). People who knew and "cared" about me all gave the worst guidance; here, there's a group of strangers behind a screen name offering up unfiltered truth- inspirational and otherwise. I could have really used that.
 
#130
Often the case, out of the bad comes the good, hard concept to grasp when young or in the middle of hell on earth. Then you met people whom know what you have been through, and actually have concise life experiences, to help in a perspective, upon what a life imagined, should be and what actually transpires. Expectations are a powerful emotion. Regards to all.
 
#131
avvie said:
Threads like this make me jealous of those who are growing up in the internet age. I would have been much happier during most of my life if I had not been limited to the very small circle of negative influences (alcoholic parents, neighborhood bullies, ultraconservative prudish teachers and racist authority figures). People who knew and "cared" about me all gave the worst guidance; here, there's a group of strangers behind a screen name offering up unfiltered truth- inspirational and otherwise. I could have really used that.
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+1
Strange how people not directly related within your life can actually be much more honest with you that some of your "friends".
I still believe in the old school friendship tho
 
#132
avvie said:
Threads like this make me jealous of those who are growing up in the internet age. I would have been much happier during most of my life if I had not been limited to the very small circle of negative influences (alcoholic parents, neighborhood bullies, ultraconservative prudish teachers and racist authority figures). People who knew and "cared" about me all gave the worst guidance; here, there's a group of strangers behind a screen name offering up unfiltered truth- inspirational and otherwise. I could have really used that.
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Wow, that's a really eye-opening way to look at it. I'm sorry things weren't easier for you and thank you for knocking a sense of perspective into me.

Well, I think I'm in a good spot right now. I don't want kids, I'm not interested in marriage, I have a day job that offers me skills to have in my back pocket (Apple certifications and computer chops in general), and now I can devote that much more energy to playing bass. :bassist:
 
#133
Music won't budge.. That's good but what about your day job.. What's more important your current economic level of life style, or time with your boy. If he's not worth taking off 10 hours a week from your job and refinancing accordingly then you know what you have to do.

When my significant other complains about bass playing I'm able to explain that because it takes less steady hours away from me I'm able to spend more time with her. Maybe you could explain to him that your investing in yourself so that you can do that in the future.
 
#138
hernameisrio said:
Moot point, we broke up and surprise surprise, I'm much happier! ;)
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Sounds like you learned a lot. Eventually someone else will pop into your life. Like anything else in life, moderation and balance are key. Someone that has to call you constantly has maturity and control issues. For the next significant other type person you get involved with.....I would recommend setting aside a few days/nights each week that are specifically "date nights". The rest of the time is yours for work, family, friends, chill time and music.
 

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