Honest opinions please... A rant.. Kinda...

[getbent]

Reminded me of the "Fat Elvis letter to band" that was going around years ago:

Post details: An Open Letter To The Band
11/17/05
An Open Letter To The Band

About the Disneyworld Gig
Dear Band,
Please allow me to express my innermost feelings. Know this is meant to be interpreted as a good natured rant from a flawed human being who wants to gently make a point to the ones he loves.

I am facing a 13+ hour drive by myself pulling a trailer for the next two days.

On the way I will eat all meals by myself and stay in some #@$! hotel worrying at all times about the security of our equipment and luggage.

Once I arrive in Orlando, I will have to move the trailer early every morning.

I will be super nice to EVERYONE, funny all the time, do 4-30 minute sets of music for 1000+ people but not repeat any song.

I will pray that 4 people (you guys) don't oversleep or have a problem with your flight on Friday. I will pick you up at the airport and get your room key for you. I make sure you are fed, prepared for the Sunday show, dressed properly, and aware of show times. I will grin and bear the bad sound system, the amateur choir, and any last minute changes the client has. I will do all of this in a well pressed coordinated, stylishly conservative clothing. (If you have ever cared anything about me, read on.) But, this is one of two well paying gigs I have this month and the first one I've had in a few weeks.

AND, I didn't pick the music for the Sunday thing. SO, (finally, the f*cking point) anything you can do to make this easier for me will be appreciated. Including, and especially, keeping all sarcastic and passive aggressive remarks about the Sunday thing to yourself. I didn't pick the music but the wife of the guy with the f*cking check did.

I and the world know you are too good to do this #@$! music. Your refined ear makes it difficult for you to learn and rehearse these songs. I know it eases your pain (but increases mine) for you to approach the undertaking half-heartedly.

I've been lifting weights all summer and I can tell you, it's a lot harder to pick that heavy #@$! up
when you don't really want to pick it up. It's EASIER to have, sorry to sound corny, a positive attitude.

I also know that you are enduring some cruel cosmic joke that causes you to labor in obscurity playing in hack cover bands at Amway conventions while others with half your talent are stars.

I feel your pain.

BUT, it's one thing to be a great musician in a cover band. It's another thing to be a great musician in a cover band but with a #@$! attitude.

Remember, no driving, you're getting paid, your own room, out of town for the weekend, hanging on the Disney property, and, 5-30 minute sets over a three day period. One more thing. I know it's funny to you to make fun of this gig and the crappy Sunday morning songs. It is your way of saying, "I'm too good to do this." Leave the funny #@$! to me. I'm funnier than you will ever be, so don't even try.

Just shut the #@$! up, wear the clothes, do the gig, and get your check.

You can never be as funny as me unless you go back in time and are raised by a paranoid schizophrenic with bi-polar disorder in rural f*cking white trash Alabama with a job picking up trash on construction sights, brown paper sacks that sweaty f*cking hillbillies have #@$! in.

Then, you can spend the weekend at your Uncle's pool with your molesting cousin and half wit brother who beats the f*ck out of you whenever no one is looking. After that, you can go back to your nasty house where the dogs and cats have #@$! all over the place and practice guitar even though no one in your family plays and you have no reason to believe that you can. THEN, after 20 years of struggle, you can support your whole family and spend your free time wiping your Mom's puke from your porch and bathroom. Then, you can go to 13 different f*cking therapists, every twelve step program known to man and be baptized twice.

THEN you can spend your adult life being known as Fat Elvis. Then, after all that you can fly a guy to Disneyworld, carry him around, feed him, and pay him $550.00 to complain about learning some songs.

THEN, you will be as funny as me and you can make humorous remarks for everyone to enjoy about the Sunday show. In short, every day I don't kill myself or someone else is a Goddam miracle. I'm glad to have this gig and I'm glad to be going out of town and I'm thankful to have you as a friend and colleague. I'm a sensitive person who wants to please everyone around me and it makes me feel bad when you seem to be bugged by what I ask you to do. Please shut the f*ck up, wear the clothes, play the songs, and don't make me feel any worse about my life and what I ask you to do than I already do.

We have a lot to be thankful for.

There are a lot of incredible players in Nashville who are working construction...I have their f*cking phone numbers.

I love you guys, see you in Florida.

 

[DWBass]

But I blame myself for putting myself in a situation with amateurs that don’t understand the pro mentality. I needed to realize who I was dealing with, although I believe he went beyond being unprepared.

I'm in a situation now with a keyboardist. We are an opening band for a local Funkfest that is coming up in a couple weeks. The keyboardist is the weak link in the band. He's playing the wrong chords and patches. The BL should have hired someone else instead of him as this is a pretty big deal. Everyone has put in a lot of time and effort and I don't feel he's done the same. I am committed to this gig but once it's over, I doubt I'll ever gig with this guy again. He's a good guy and a friend but he just does not have pro level skills.

 

[DJ Bebop]

IMO too harsh and too personal, especially since they are not pros. There are things people may not understand. All you really need to say is this:

I'm sorry that we had some issues with preparedness the other night. Let's step back and remember that all of us have a responsibility to each other to come to rehearsal knowing the material and ready to play, and that one person who doesn't prepare will embarrass the entire group come showtime.

Some people are under the impression that rehearsals are the same as practice, but that's not really how it works. Practice and learning should happen at home, and we should be coming into rehearsal with parts ready so that we can tighten it up. So let's try to do better.

To that end, since we didn't have a good session last time, we're going to need all of the allotted time for the next rehearsal. As much as I'd like to make everyone happy, I can't justify cutting back our time.

Let's work to make this better and I'll see you all next time. ​

If nothing changes after that, it's time to get harsh.

Cut and paste before you send that other thing, DrayMiles.


Oh you sent it already?

 

[Joe Nerve]

Too harsh, but more importantly, overly dramatic and arrogant. If your goal is to make everyone feel like crap and potentially never want to work with you anymore, send that email. If you don't want to do the gig with these folks, then don't. I'm sure they can find another bass player who would just be happy to have the gig. In fact, PM me their contact info, LOL.

That was my thought. IMO it's completely unnecessary. Especially the arrogance. I'd be out (or looking for a replacement) in a heartbeat if met with that kind of attitude.

 

[Paulabass]

That letter is going to make it’s way around the musical community like Buddy Rich’s used to.
Finding musicians may become difficult in the future.

 

[44me]

Sorry for the long letter. I didn’t have enough time to write a short one. . .

 

[QORC]

I sympathise with the understandable frustration, but a profanity-strewn arrogant unprofessional communication like that won't do any good, for the project or your reputation.

True. The note comes across as very pompous and arrogant. word does get around about folks like that.

I think a simple, "This isn't working for me. The reasons aren't important, but I need to move on from this project" would suffice

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

True. The note comes across as very pompous and arrogant. word does get around about folks like that.

I think a simple, "This isn't working for me. The reasons aren't important, but I need to move on from this project" would suffice

Oh, the pain!

I was at an audition, quite a few years back. I told the initial contact (the singer) it didn't sound like a situation I was looking for (father/son guitar/drummer team, only covers [and ones I'd never heard of, at that]), but the old: "but we need a bass player wah wah wah!"

So, I went ... that night. I had (literally) only even heard two of the songs on the 30 song list.

The singer had that alcoholic stink that 50 showers can't wash away (until they decide to put the plug in the jug). The second guitar player showed up 45 minutes late, couldn't tell his guitar was perpetually out of tune, and insisted a bass line I had never heard was "easy" until I asked him to show it to me so I could reproduce it. That didn't end well.

Then, when we got to the 10th song or so and I just couldn't get a handle on it, I asked for the progression and the (second) guitar player (the one who showed up late and out of tune) said: "It's Gee to Dee (it wasn't)! Can you handle that?!".

I started packing my stuff up and said: "I'll go home and practice and let you know."

Sure enough, the singer called me within 30 minutes and I tried that "the reasons aren't important ..." and he called me every two days for a week, getting the same response.

Then, the first guitar player called me and I finally told him the truth. In that conversation, he asked if I'd like to form a band, starting with him and his son (the drummer). I declined, respectfully and ran into the two of them a couple of years later. They thanked me, profusely and told me the singer had finally gone to rehab and the guitar player was banished.

I tried (for about a week) to go with "the reasons aren't important", but no one would let it die.

I like to think I kind of did them a "favor" (I may have saved the singer's life). Maybe I didn't, but I have zero regrets about the situation.

 

[LBS-bass]

I tried (for about a week) to go with "the reasons aren't important", but no one would let it die.

Had a situation once where I auditioned for a band. They loved me, but I didn't love them. They didn't know the audition material as well as I did. I thought they had potential so I agreed to another rehearsal and specifically said I need to hear how this works once everyone has a little more practice on it. Of course, they knew it no better the next time. But the icing on the cake was that I rode with the drummer who went on a political/racist rant for 45 minutes the whole way home.

So I texted them and told them it wasn't going to work for me, thanks for having me out, whatever. I didn't want to get into the reasons. The guitar player kept emailing me and finally offered to pay me $75 for every rehearsal. I finally told him I was too busy as I'd picked up work with another band and just didn't have the time. He left me alone after that. Some people will just not let a thing go.

 

[El Güero]

They loved me, but I didn't love them.

That gave me the best laugh of the day. Thank you.