how do you motivate someone with stage fright?

[fourfinger]

Ya can't learn how to play tennis by reading a book about it. Ya have to just get out there and start doing it. Her confidence will build with experience.

+1

Stage fright is actually one subtype of agoraphobia.

Folks with stage fright may have real, sometimes terrifying physical symptoms before or during performance (or public speaking) -- sweaty palms at best, heart palpitations and outright panic at worst. It can be mild but it can also be serious.

The treatment for phobias is centered around controlled gradual exposure to what you're in fear of.

I have it. It used to be bad, but now I am okay with it.

For me, successful gradual exposure meant getting into a band that worked a repetitive circuit of "animal" clubs (Moose, Eagles, Owls, Elks etc.) and playing in front of relatively small crowds who were only interested in visiting with their friends, and would have been there no matter who the band was that particular Saturday.

This worked. At first I was ALWAYS too nervous to play my best. Over time I proved to myself that I could be nervous without screwing up the song. And finally it just clicked with me that I could be relaxed in front of people and it was going to be all right.

Years later I found out more about stage fright and discovered that what I had been doing was in fact the right thing to do -- gradual exposure under controlled circumstances.

I find now that my stage fright is only a problem if I attempt to play while not thoroughly prepared.

Your friend, if her condition is really serious, might benefit from an award-winning book called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne. I highly recommend it for anyone with not only stage fright, but depression or anxiety as well.

Oh, and although "bourbon" was recommended -- I can say from a few experiences that's actually a really bad idea, even (and maybe especially) if it "works."

 

[Downunderwonder]

Finding the supportive audience is a good idea and not that hard to do. Open mics are usually frequented by folks who really do appreciate variety and originality over perfection.

But I wouldn't be too sure your friend has actually got "stage fright". It could just as easily be an egotripping dislike of performing anything less than perfection. If that's the case she needs to stop being selfish and give you your day in the sun.

 

[Stumbo]

+1

Stage fright is actually one subtype of agoraphobia.

Folks with stage fright may have real, sometimes terrifying physical symptoms before or during performance (or public speaking) -- sweaty palms at best, heart palpitations and outright panic at worst. It can be mild but it can also be serious.

The treatment for phobias is centered around controlled gradual exposure to what you're in fear of.

I have it. It used to be bad, but now I am okay with it.

For me, successful gradual exposure meant getting into a band that worked a repetitive circuit of "animal" clubs (Moose, Eagles, Owls, Elks etc.) and playing in front of relatively small crowds who were only interested in visiting with their friends, and would have been there no matter who the band was that particular Saturday.

This worked. At first I was ALWAYS too nervous to play my best. Over time I proved to myself that I could be nervous without screwing up the song. And finally it just clicked with me that I could be relaxed in front of people and it was going to be all right.

Years later I found out more about stage fright and discovered that what I had been doing was in fact the right thing to do -- gradual exposure under controlled circumstances.

I find now that my stage fright is only a problem if I attempt to play while not thoroughly prepared.

Your friend, if her condition is really serious, might benefit from an award-winning book called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne. I highly recommend it for anyone with not only stage fright, but depression or anxiety as well.

Oh, and although "bourbon" was recommended -- I can say from a few experiences that's actually a really bad idea, even (and maybe especially) if it "works."

+2

My wife is a human jukebox but does not get involved in music because she knows that people will ask her to perform and she does not like being the center of attention.

Now if I could just get the human jukebox talent transplanted into me.....

 

[s_mcsleazy]

thanks for the sugestions guys (and possable ladys??)

 

[dalkowski]

no one really notices if I flub a note or two

This is SO true! Unless you're playing to Berklee students, audiences will more likely remember things like personality, groove and song choice than chops.

 

[Bassdirty]

ok for the last 7 years me and my best friend have been writing songs together. we have nearly 30. but there in lies the problem. i think we have some really good song ideas that alot of people might like but shes really not confident about the idea of getting on stage. so the real question is how do i motivate/warm up the idea to her. shes normally really confident except when you bring up the idea of playing any kinda gig.

ive even sugested the idea of doing a unplugged set and she says its a neat idea but shes not quite ready yet.

so any sugestions

Alcohol.
Really..I have horrible stage fright and can't go on stage without "loosening up a little"... been playin live for maybe ten yrs.


*My suggestion is Not reccomended for those who are under the legal drinking age.

*YMMV.

 

[s_mcsleazy]

no were both 19

 

[Joe Nerve]

I think a lot depends on her level of stagefright. One thing is certain, she will NOT overcome her stagefright by practicing. The only way stagefright will be overcome is by getting experience on stage. The longer she waits the more intense the fear is going to be, and the harder it's going to get.

If she's absolutely 100% phobic then I think you need to either move on and work with someone else, or she needs to get some sort of help. And it may take time. Any kind of drugs (prescription or otherwise) and alcohol are terrible ideas. I speak from a great deal of experience. With phobias, with solutions to phobias, with the tools I used to overcome them, and with the "tools" others I have known to calm their fears.

If I were in your shoes I'd test the level of her anxiety and simply decide to take action myself. Make a solid decision that the band must move forward, and book a gig. When people are scared they'll 99.9% of the time wait until their backs are completely against the wall before making a move. I think she needs to be forced into either facing it, or getting help.

I did some acting while in college. The level of fear I had was past intense. Something that an acting teacher said though really helped. He said that fear was the greatest gift a performer could have. It's intense energy that can be channeled. When channeled the energy translates on stage to charisma and presence. We should look at it as a wonderful thing, telling us we're fully human, fully alive, and loaded with possibilities to present to an audience. The only way to learn to channel it though is to get out there and do it. Many of the greatest performers of all time had almost crippling degrees of stagefright. There are books written about it - wish I remembered the titles.

Also, at the rist of sounding trite, if she believes in any type of god, prayer may be the simple solution. a prayer asking for release from ego and self, with a request to be there only to serve can work literal miracles.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Want to add a note as to why I say alcohol and drugs are bad ideas. They work, for sure. But they come at a price, and for me the price was and will remain to be way too high. First, you never overcome the fear. I'd rather know I conquered something than need a constant crutch. Second, when alcohol or drugs are used to face fears it often becomes a problem. For the person using them and others around them. Third, I don't want the energy that fear brings numbed by alcohol. I like the intesity of the stage, and as mentioned above I'm certain it adds to my performance. There are countless other reasons, but thems are the main ones and I just felt I should back up my stating that I thought it was a terrible idea.

I don't think it's a big deal if someone has a drink or 2 before or during a gig, but if they're doing it for medicinal purposes (and they have to) then there's a problem.

 

[s_mcsleazy]

I think a lot depends on her level of stagefright. One thing is certain, she will NOT overcome her stagefright by practicing. The only way stagefright will be overcome is by getting experience on stage. The longer she waits the more intense the fear is going to be, and the harder it's going to get.

If she's absolutely 100% phobic then I think you need to either move on and work with someone else, or she needs to get some sort of help. And it may take time. Any kind of drugs (prescription or otherwise) and alcohol are terrible ideas. I speak from a great deal of experience. With phobias, with solutions to phobias, with the tools I used to overcome them, and with the "tools" others I have known to calm their fears.

If I were in your shoes I'd test the level of her anxiety and simply decide to take action myself. Make a solid decision that the band must move forward, and book a gig. When people are scared they'll 99.9% of the time wait until their backs are completely against the wall before making a move. I think she needs to be forced into either facing it, or getting help.

I did some acting while in college. The level of fear I had was past intense. Something that an acting teacher said though really helped. He said that fear was the greatest gift a performer could have. It's intense energy that can be channeled. When channeled the energy translates on stage to charisma and presence. We should look at it as a wonderful thing, telling us we're fully human, fully alive, and loaded with possibilities to present to an audience. The only way to learn to channel it though is to get out there and do it. Many of the greatest performers of all time had almost crippling degrees of stagefright. There are books written about it - wish I remembered the titles.

Also, at the rist of sounding trite, if she believes in any type of god, prayer may be the simple solution. a prayer asking for release from ego and self, with a request to be there only to serve can work literal miracles.

thanks for the solid advice joe

 

[DwaynieAD]

honestly i think it's harder to play when people you know are watching. I feel more at ease playing in front of 300 random people than 3 close friends..

this^^^

also stage lights are so bright you cant see the crowd anyway

 

[dvh]

Finding the supportive audience is a good idea and not that hard to do. Open mics are usually frequented by folks who really do appreciate variety and originality over perfection.

But I wouldn't be too sure your friend has actually got "stage fright". It could just as easily be an egotripping dislike of performing anything less than perfection. If that's the case she needs to stop being selfish and give you your day in the sun.

Shyness itself is selfish, really. It’s the conceit that other people really notice or care about what you’re doing. It’s putting your own fears ahead of recognizing you’re no less or more a person in this world than anyone else… just sayin’

 

[bass.monger]

Try getting inviting ppl over, get everyone tipsy, including her, then suggest the idea of playing the songs. It might work... i kno thats what we do at my family reunions

 

[Yerf Dog]

Is she a singer? Guitarist? Drummer?

Pics of scaredy cat?

 

[s_mcsleazy]

Is she a singer? Guitarist? Drummer?

Pics of scaredy cat?

bit of a singer. bit of guitar player and on one song 2nd drummer

and why do you want pics?

 

[funk generator]

honestly i think it's harder to play when people you know are watching. I feel more at ease playing in front of 300 random people than 3 close friends..

This!!! especially if singing. Iv sung in front of 2k people without a problem at all. Then i did a singing recital in front of 30 of my good friends. I was so nervous i kept getting off time and forgetting words

 

[hrodbert696]

Yeah, don't use alcohol or drugs as a crutch -- short road to habit formation there.

I DO think that practice can help with stage fright, based more on theater experience than music experience. If a performance is thoroughly rehearsed, something like muscle memory can just kick in and carry you through it and you barely even realize the audience is there until it's over.

But as others have said, the real way to treat a phobia is with gradual exposure to the thing feared. If she could do something up on stage hiding at the back of a large group, like a choir - then being toward the front of the group -- then the group is smaller -- eventually she could get comfortable with the idea of stage and audience and be ready to go up solo.

 

[Blah114]

bring people you know.. unbeknownst to person with problem.. have the people you know COMPLIMENT the person between sets.. works everytime.

 

[jnuts1]

man i used to have stage fright & it sucked hard. the first time i got up my right hand froze & i could only play with my thumb & facing away from the audience. but i was determined to do it so i kept at it. & after a few times of getting a bunch of applause you kinda get over it. but what i think really helped me was a bunch of ego freaks, they wanted to be rock stars on stage & they were good at it. so after a time or two with them i learned that everyone in the crowd loves that confidence on stage & they NEVER know if anything is messed up. so now i don't get any stage fright in any form. but it took some time

 

[bluewine]

Want to add a note as to why I say alcohol and drugs are bad ideas.

Outstanding point,

Live performance for me is a control issue.

I want to be in control of everything I do for every second I am on stage.

Once you use drink or drug , you are no longer in control.
blue