How many bands before you found one you could stay with ?

[pepj]

Another way to do it is get asked to 'join' or help out.
I commit to the short term, which might be 1 to 3 dates. In that time, I've sussed the band and whether I'll do more.

I tell them this and then let them know asap.

I'm wary if I don't know anyone in the band or know anyone who knows them. Thats a good indicator as to whether it will be what works for me.

I avoid leaving on bad terms if at all possible.

 

[EddiePlaysBass]

True, but I would rot in hell before I ever tried to kiss any bandmate I've ever had....

I have one exception to that rule. But only one

A band is a job.

For some it is this ^^

Playing music should be fun - that's why it's called "playing."

For others, it's this ^^

I am firmly in the latter camp. Someone said that people sometimes stay in a band because it is convenient. Heck yes, currently this is my situation. Totally not sure what will happen two weeks from now, when we get together for the first time in a year. But I'm not holding my breath.

My focus right now is on myself: I do ear training by learning ZZ Top and Uriah Heep songs that I will likely never play with this or any other band. I play the ukulele cos it makes me smile. And for my current band, I will brush up on the songs and see where it goes. I tried putting effort into it, it wasn't appreciated. Now I don't put effort in it, and the singer doesn't appreciate it Tough cookies.

 

[bobba66]

Getting fired has kept me from achieving any real long term success. Maybe I'll try again after I retire.

 

[Griendrr]

Il

I do this for my enjoyment and I will not take crap.

That about sums it up for me. I make sacrifices as I only assume everyone else does, but it's not a hassle for a worthy cause. I just don't see any room for

Just to be clear, you have a drummer who admits to having anger issues with no plans to change, and 2 of the other members would not even give you their phone number? Sounds like you should run, not walk, away.

That's just the way it was from the first practice. I'd already been in contact/spoke to the drummer months before and come to think of it I never moved forward with him because he was raising small flags. I've been in bands and played gigs with ppeople who wouldn't disclose their last names if the email thing sounds strange...

IDK some people, more than I'd expect, are hesitant to give out their full info...I'm not sure why but this isn't the first.

 

[Griendrr]

Just four bands in over forty years. Pretty weird, in retrospect.

I think the best opportunity to deal with bad behavior is immediately as it's happening. I don't want to stew over anything, so an immediate, verbal slap (acknowledgment), spotlighting what just went down, is my way.

If we can't deal with our emotions like adults, then it's not the team for me, and I tell them. No emails, no lengthy explanations, no ghosting.

I've been told by my handler (my wife) I can be too direct, but I don't have time to waste on high school drama.

This is not to say there's zero drama, we fight and flake-out occasionally, like brothers do, but we don't go away mad.

I've considered the immediate call out, I tend to not respond (freeze), look it over, give the person a chance to defend/respond/explain, then make my decision from there. In this case the drummer acted like an idiot (towards me) first time since meeting and about 7-8 weeks of one practice a week.

Next day I gave him a chance to express anything I was doing to provoke it (I knew I wasn't but you never really know) When he said no I wasn't, he's sorry, he can't help it, I picked up my stuff, then quit within a week (morning of next practice) I think it was short and sweet. I'm the new guy, It's the drummers practice space and buddies, I'm the new guy (replaced their last bassist because "his kids started playing soccer")

I don't know, I didn't feel like it was my place to attempt a coup etc. I immediately left. Gave notice, didn't slam anyone, But I'm sure the drummer gets it. The other two guys probably do too.

 

[Griendrr]

I think one big thing that's always helped me is that I focused more finding people to play with one musician at a time instead of looking for a full band that's the right fit. Find that one person you really connect with. Doesn't matter if it's a drummer, guitarist, or singer. For me it happened to be a guitarist. Get a band together even if the rest of the band isn't super talented or the best fit and start playing some shows. Do what you need to do, play well onstage, be friendly with everyone, and as other bands break up the better musicians from those bands will be looking for a good situation to step into. That's how my main project that has lasted over 2 decades now really got together. I think too many people hold out for the perfect band situation that they prevent themselves from getting a lineup together the way we did where it was always me and the same guitar player and the drummer and the singer came from other bands to form a sort of all star local band kind of project. Which I know local all star seems a bit silly but I'm sure someone understands what I mean.

Sound advice. Early this morning I texted my long-term buddy/vocalist rythym guitarist saying maybe we should advertise for a lead guitarist and drummer etc. We have a proper practice spot already....

 

[Griendrr]

My wife keeps a list of all the "bands" I've been in since I started playing about 12 or 13 years ago. It's up in the high teens now I think. I usually try to be involved in more than one music project at a time precisely because they are such fragile things that fall apart so easily. I've had some that only lasted three or four rehearsals before I realized it wasn't going anywhere or wasn't worth the drama. Others... well, others I'm still in.

At this point really it's not "a band," it's a little cluster of maybe a dozen musicians I know and trust who play together in different combinations under different names. Mugshot Monday's guitarist also plays with Granite State Rhythm and, more recently, will be playing with Blues Brothers: TNG. MM's singer is also GSR's first singer, who got fired when we decided to move in a more funk direction whereas she's really a rocker and didn't want to do that. And so on. I like it this way, there's always some people to play with and someone booking a gig.

Haha. My wife is keeping track. I'm in several projects for the same reason. It's not like I have a huge gap in my life to fill just because one didn't work out. This one kinda did hurt because the music was phenominal.

 

[Griendrr]

I sent the email Tuesday Morning Early 8am....

Good Morning Guys,

I won't be attending any more practices.

It's been a pleasure playing with all of you, I really enjoyed myself.

Take Care and Thanks,

That's it. Didn't expect a reply from the drummer didn't get one.

One guitarist replied back saying Good Luck he hopes I'm able to find something closer. (??? ) that was never the issue.

Other guitarist who's buddies with the drummer, and who the drummer supposedly started this band for because the guitarist was voted out of another band gave no response.

I think I did OK. The only possibility in my mind is emailing the 2 guitarists separately and saying look me up if they ever need me. That would spell things out still without slamming anyone or creating drama but honestly at the moment I think it's time to forget it and move on. I'm over this.

 

[JRA]

i'm not sure how to interpret the OP's question. it suggests to me that many are 'hopping around' from one ensemble to another in order to find a 'good fit' based on all the personalities involved. however, many players find good or bad bands (good or bad 'fit') based on the music/musicianship, and the personality stuff is not consequential for the task-at-hand: gigging/money.

IME, the best people (personality stuff) are often the hardest working and/or the most talented. even in bands where there are some real goofy types = the pursuit of music/gigs keeps things from degenerating into petty personality clashes and 'culture wars'.

if you want a good band: "hang" with folks who are serious about the music!

 

[Bunk McNulty]

How many bands before I found one to stay in? I played in a couple bands in high school, one of them was pretty good, but when I went off to college that was that. There, I teamed up with a guitarist, and we had a few bands in different configurations. Then I went back home and got a day job and played with pretty much anyone who'd have me; none of these groups were in any way "serious."

Then I got married to a woman who was getting her degree at the University of Rochester. Found a decent bar band and got into weekend warrior mode. Then I got divorced, ended up in New York City where a friend introduced me to Frank Maya, which got me a fair amount of work and some nice connections. That was fun: A tiny apartment in the East Village; I could walk to most of the gigs: Pyramid Club, Dan Lynch, Bitter End, CBGB, Gerde's Folk City, Limelight, Mudd Club, etc.

I had sort of a day job, writing for a magazine company out of Boston. When they offered me a big bag of money to move up there and work, I took it. Packed up a U-Haul truck, put "Learning To Crawl" on my walkman, shed a few tears, and got on with things. It took a few years, but I eventually met a guitarist at an audition (that band decided to hire both of us). We agreed that what the band was doing was pretty weak tea, so we hired a couple kids out of Berklee (pre-Internet: You put up 3x5 cards in the cafeteria) and got a bar band and a wedding band rolling.

That worked for a couple years, and then some friends invited me to come to Asheville NC to visit, and I ended up living there for 10 years! Played with a lot of cool people. In the end, though, I realized I was never going to be a Southerner, and went back to New England, figuring I'd hang it all up. Instead, through the magic of Craigslist and BandMix (yes! really!) I ended up playing with the crew I'm with now. We're going on 7 years together. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

PS: Since people are mentioning it: I was only fired twice, once in Rochester and once in Asheville. In both cases, I could not disagree that I was just a bad fit.

 

[pepj]

I dont have to know too much about guys in bands I'm subbing for, I might only meet them for the first time on the gig, but I've already established some things with the lead contact and if I didnt like what I heard on those communications, I'm not doing the dates anyway.

Once the gig has gone well, we'll be FB friends and we build from there.
I dont do randoms...someone knows someone and the degrees of kudos in these recommendations pretty much defines the next steps and how far we go.

This is the key to networking. Good solid and appropriate contacts.

 

[bassbully]

I've been thru the ups and downs of band life. Currently I'm in two bands of different musical types. One is an awesome four piece of guys that are amazing players as well as people. We have been together three years and still going strong
The other is a five piece that I've been in for over a year. I'm on the fence with them since we had a few lineup changes. Recently we had the drummer (who asked me to join the band) abruptly quit our band to play with some old friends.
I enjoy playing but anger issues and people own agendas don't fly with me. I also won't stay in a band with revolving members.