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How to approach a touchy subject

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L

lowgun

May 18, 2013
91
0
Maryland
#1
Let me start by saying I'm not trying to offend anybody with this thread. I need serious input.

My band played a gig on saturday night. We packed the venue, everybody had a great time, the energy was the best its ever been.... maybe the energy was just a tad too high...let me explain.

My drummer and I play shirts off, when the venue allows it. My drummer is a 28 yr old Lacross coach, hes in excellent shape and very popular with the ladies. I'm 22, 6'2'', 180 lbs and go to the gym 4 times a week. We both eat right and take care of ourselves physically and it shows.

The two lead singers/guitarists are a different story. Both are fairly overweight, drink alcohol instead of water, and eat at sheetz exclusively. One is extremely hairy. Great musicians, not pretty people....

anyway, back to the energy being too high.....we were all really getting into it, and those two decided they would remove their shirts as well. Thats NEVER happened before except once in the studio. I dont care, i love the two of them and they are free to look any way they want...but it was kinda scary, and turned off some of the crowd. the girls up front dancing stepped back a little, and a few that id never seen before even left.

after the show my drummer comes to me and says "dude, that cant happen..."

I agree with him. How would you guys approach telling your band mates to either hit the gym or leave there shirts on? or are my drummer and i unfounded?

*edit: the hairy one is already a VERY touchy individual, worth noting
 
#3
Did anyone take photos? If so, you could take the passive/aggressive route and have a pic of the two chubsters blown up to poster size and hang it up in the studio. Much like when I record a rehearsal to show a deluded band member how bad the part they are playing is, they figure it out without being told.
 
#4
Sorry, but if that guy is already touchy, then the only way you're going to get away with it is a new rule for the WHOLE BAND. Shirts on all the time. If big fat harry touchy feely guy was a grownup, perhaps you guys could do skins and shirts. But if he gets easily offended you are going to have to make up a BS story about how "the whole band would be better served by nobody getting half naked" or some other it-has-to-be-fair-or-I'm-going-to-cry-and-quit story.
 
#6
Why do you two play shirts off?

Easy answer to the problem is everyone wears shirts. Make up some story about how you saw a cell phone pic of the last gig and have reconsidered the shirtless look.
 
#9
Here's what you do - the band as a whole needs to agree to keep their clothes on. It's emasculating and hurtful to the hairy trolls if you and the drummer can do it, but they can't. Make the decision over some beers and get off the subject. Swing in, get consensus, get out. Don’t linger Then have another beer and move on.
 
#11
He took his shirt off and scared off some chicks? HA HA, I love the big fat hairy bastard already.

I think you and your drummer might be taking things a bit too seriously. Are you out to be in a band and make music and put on a show or is it all just a front to pick up chicks?
 
#12
This was a great show and nobody got hurt:


68773636.jpg


I had a gas, but it's not like it became my usual schtick. I wouldn't say anything if I were you unless it becomes a habit. Goofing off and having a good time once in a while isn't any reason for you to get offended. If they start wearing spandex and going shirtless at every show, that'd be the time to broach the subject.
 
#14
from a 16 year olds POV, keep your shirt on. it's annoying regardless of how "in shape" you think you are. to be honest, i'm sure most people would rather have a confident fat guy with his shirt off as opposed to a douchy ripped guy. but hey, that's just me. make a new rule to where all you guys keep your shirts on, it's really no big deal.
 
#15
good feedback guys!

i dont find anything wrong with playing shirts off...its not for chicks, i have a son with a girl ive been with and been faithful to for 2 years. its more comfortable, its fun, it gets really hot on stage, and we get a good crowd response from it.

i learned that when i ask for advice, i cant decide what advice im going to get.... so if its everybody keeps shirts on than so be it. or if its all shirts off so be it.

maybe we are taking it too seriously

keep em coming guys!
 
#17
Phalex said:
I had a gas, but it's not like it became my usual schtick. I wouldn't say anything if I were you unless it becomes a habit. Goofing off and having a good time once in a while isn't any reason for you to get offended. If they start wearing spandex and going shirtless at every show, that'd be the time to broach the subject.
Click to expand...
+1 on this. I actually wouldn't even talk about it -- just start wearing your shirt at shows and keep it on throughout.
 
#18
Nev375 said:
Are you out to be in a band and make music and put on a show or is it all just a front to pick up chicks?
Click to expand...

This.

Sounds like you're more worried about your image's (yours and the drummer's) being tainted in front of "the ladies." IMHO, it's narcissistic to be playing shows with your shirt off anyway but the disdain you're showing your band mates ups the ante on that. You don't take into account how your other "shirted" band members feel and show no appreciation for the fact that they've allowed to run around the stage half naked with out (apparently) saying anything...Like previous posters have said your attitude is emasculating, conceited, and annoying. If I were one of your fat, hairy band mates and you approached me about keeping my shirt on after a high energy gig where I just thought we were all letting our hair down and having a blast, I'd probably quit on the spot.

On the other hand, I realize that I could be reading a lot into this and that you're actually a really laid back, down-to-earth guy that wants what is best for the band...In that case, an all shirts, all the time policy would look like the best option to me. Especially since it sounds like you guys have a good thing going...It'd be a shame to ruin that because you'd rather not play with a shirt on. All IMHO, FWIW, etc.

:D:hiding:
 
#19
two fingers said:
Sorry, but if that guy is already touchy, then the only way you're going to get away with it is a new rule for the WHOLE BAND. Shirts on all the time. If big fat harry touchy feely guy was a grownup, perhaps you guys could do skins and shirts. But if he gets easily offended you are going to have to make up a BS story about how "the whole band would be better served by nobody getting half naked" or some other it-has-to-be-fair-or-I'm-going-to-cry-and-quit story.
Click to expand...

i think your right
 
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