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How to quit the band

wraub

wraub

Apr 9, 2004
7,761
10,630
ennui, az
#1
Hey all. I have a dilemma of sorts.

I am in a band that has been together for a couple of years. We are all musically compatible, for the most part. I am from a gigging and recording background, have toured the US, have played some famous stages and major studios. The other guys have similar gigging history, although less so, and no recording experience beyond their own projects. I think of us as friends, and, I believe they feel the same.
Originally envisioned as a cool hang kinda thing, it morphed for a while into a thing with goals, then retreated from that.
Recently, one of the guitarists quit. He was the second guy to fill the spot. We have some original songs, all written by the lead guitarist who also is lead vocals. I have brought in written songs, riffs, and ideas, none of which are ever used or even attempted. Covers have been suggested, then forgotten. Additionally, there is a catalog of tunes from a previous thing the others were in that are usable/re-configurable, but are also unused.
Also additionally, we rehearse in my garage, and I miss having it for garage, storage, and wood working, which I also do.

This has led me to a realization of sorts.You know how a shark has to keep moving, or it dies?
This relationship is a dead shark. (Props to Woody A.)

However, I still would like to get out as nicely and friendly-like as possible. Again, these are friendlies, and bridge burning is best avoided.

Any suggestions on making a clean exit in a nice way?

Please be kind. Thanks.
 
#8
Doesn't sound like they're being too "friendly" when they never take any of your ideas into consideration.
Equal imput & respect toward other members is paramount in any band I'm in original or cover.
I detect a little reservation in your OP. Would it change anything if they considered your suggestions and input?
 
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#9
Just tell them you're leaving the band. With the experience you say they have, they've seen it happen before ... and should be no big deal. Give them a hard and fast date after which you will no longer be their bass player and suggest they find another rehearsal room ASAP. If they push, just tell them you are pursuing other interests (like woodworking ... but call it luthery (grin!)). Business-like ... and there's no need to discuss "what's wrong". Make it about you, not about them, and it'll go easier.
 
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#11
What DO you want to do? Give up serious music, give up originals, or what? I would be honest. Tell them you no longer feel passion for the project, and want to do xxx. This way if they feel the same way, they might agree. If not, it's gonna suck no matter what. Tell them you want to be friends, but they need someone who is into the project.

It sounds like you have no ownership of the tunes - if they are using any of them, decide if you want to hand them over.
 
#17
Look them in the eye and tell them the absolute un-sugarcoated truth about how you feel and what you want and need to do. Maybe you'll all then discuss alternative scenarios. Being straight up about these kinds of situations will make you stronger, and it's the right thing to do especially since you consider them friends.
 
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#19
wraub said:
This has led me to a realization of sorts.You know how a shark has to keep moving, or it dies?
This relationship is a dead shark
Click to expand...

Sounds like you might end up looking for a new shark that does move. If that is they case, make sure they know you might look for a new band. The most hurtful thing for you to do is tell them you don't want to be in a band anymore and then go out and join another band.

They will know if you lie, so be honest. The only why you can be completely honest with them is if you are first honest with yourself. Think hard about what your reasons are before you start trying to spare feelings. Being too nice is the meanest thing you can do sometimes.
 
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#20
engedi1 said:
The only way to make friends is to tell the whole band IN PERSON. Maybe at your next rehearsal just say you need to step down and give 30 days notice. That is classy and they can't fault you and if they find a replacement sooner than that you are golden.
Click to expand...

The notice is good, but if y'all don't have any gigs scheduled, I wouldn't worry about the notice.
 

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