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How to quit the band

#41
I'm getting ready to quit one myself... and I'd like to make a speech about why, because it definitely bears mentioning when you quit a band after 20+ years, but even if I did it wouldn't be well received.

I'll probably just play out a notice and bow out as gracefully as possible.
 
#43
It happens.

Since you've already made your decision - and your decision is non-negotiable - don't get into elaborate explanations or justifications. Because that can sometimes create the impression that you might be persuaded to stay if certain things changed. So don't let that happen. Because few things are more uncomfortable to witness than seeing somebody desperately trying to salvage a situation that's isn't salvageable.

The earlier suggestions of simply saying you've lost interest in what you're doing, want to do other things, now, and have decided to quit should be sufficient.

Losing their free rehearsal space may annoy some of them, but that's the breaks. And not your problem.

Interests change, things happen, "life gets in the way," players leave their bands - or quit the field entirely. It's an old story in the music world. And if anybody in your old band hasn't heard that tale yet…well…it looks like they're about to.

Good luck!
 
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#44
Question: If this shark got moving again, would you be interested in sticking with it? If so, it seems like it would be worth exploring that option first. Have an honest sit-down with everyone and explain that if the band is going to just continue drifting aimlessly, you're ready to bow out and do other things -- but if everyone is motivated to start getting serious about working up new material, etc., you'd be up interested in keeping it going. That is, give them the opportunity to decide whether they'd rather lose you or whether they'd rather change their ways. If they say nah, they're not interested in getting serious, then fine; no reason you can't leave on good terms. But who knows -- others might be feeling the same way you do, and just raising the issue could get things moving again. You won't know unless you ask.
 
#45
hbarcat said:
What's all this honesty garbage? No one wants to be told the truth. It offends people.
Click to expand...

Hillarious! And a bit true. I think the key is to be honest, but not overshare.

It's honest to say that you're not interested/fulfilled/etc and you want to move on. It's not dishonest to keep your personal distaste and frustrations to yourself. It's really none of their business if you decide not to make it so.

I think in this age of selfies and constant social media updates, people sometimes feel that they should share every detail of how they're feeling about every situation and in many/most cases, that's just not the case.
 
#48
My sincere thanks to all for the responses here, ranging from the helpful to hilarious to the potentially legally actionable.
Answers to the above questions:
--No, I don't think I'd be more inclined to stay if my song suggestions were taken up.
--I might be inclined to stay if the shark got moving again, but only if I saw actual movement and forward progress.
--Giving notice isn't really an option, as I am almost positive that if/when I walk, the whole thing would just quietly die. Have no gigs scheduled, and likely would not for some time to come. We don't have enough material for that, and likely won't for some time.

This is a big part of my dissatisfaction.
 
#49
So here's the thing.....

I was in a similar situation......very similar......

It took me a few months of pondering how to quit,to actually quit. During those coupla months, I kept going over my reasons in my head (similar to your reasons). Finally..... I verbally listed my reasons to the guys and I officially quit. We all remained friends and their band stumbled through the next 6 months. Then I got a call to go out to dinner and talk as a group. At the talk, they all agreed to concede to my "complaints", I agreed to stop doing a few things that annoyed other members and we collectively agreed to play together again.

So here I am......4 months after rejoining....... And I'm contemplating quitting again. I keep telling myself that I'm just not feeling it, but I think it's something more. I'm pretty sure those coupla months of going over my reasons in my head really changed the way I perceive these guys as musicians and the project as a whole. It kinda talked me into (for lack of a better term) not digging them anymore. Now that I'm back, the relationship just isn't the same.

The point I'm trying to make is, Don't drag this out. State your case and move on.....especially if you're friends!
 
#52
Back in October, I dropped a stupid acoustic project after working with a couple for 9 months and no shows. It ended in fireball chaos. I tried to be civil and straightforward, and the guitarist's ego got the best of him. Initially I wanted to be friends, but the way he responded to me bringing up quitting, forced me to not want anything to do with him.

The whole thing really bothered me at first, but I got hired as a bass for a cover band and I make really good money now.

Bottom line: don't let anything stand in your way.
 

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