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How to respectfully turn down free drinks
- Thread starter bulldean
- Start date
I don't have any control over what others respect. If they can't take a simple "no thanks" or "pass", not my circus, not my monkeys.
Though end result is still the same as them f'ing right the f off. They were just never on to begin with; I don't know or care about what they do or don't respect.
It is never, ever, under any circumstance a good idea to refuse a drink during a gig.
I certainly understand all reasons the objections, but they are negatted by a couple of facts and the problem can be delt with.
First, if you are playing a gig, your primary function is to sell drinks. Club owners care nothing about music. They judge the band by the content of the cash register. Every drink you accept is money in that cash register. Knowing and understanding this is required.
Second, there are people who are offended when you refuse a drink they offer. That is a bad idea because you will alienate them and eveyone they know. The politest of refusals may not be acceptable.
Now, here is the way you deal with the issue. Nothing says you have to actually drink that drink. I'm neither anti-alcohol or do I have an alcohol problem, but I seldom drink. First, I don't like the feeling of being drunk and I know I don't play my best if I am; however,I always accept the drink and it will likely sit on the table all night.
Remember, gigging is a business. The nature of the business is selling alcohol.
I certainly understand all reasons the objections, but they are negatted by a couple of facts and the problem can be delt with.
First, if you are playing a gig, your primary function is to sell drinks. Club owners care nothing about music. They judge the band by the content of the cash register. Every drink you accept is money in that cash register. Knowing and understanding this is required.
Second, there are people who are offended when you refuse a drink they offer. That is a bad idea because you will alienate them and eveyone they know. The politest of refusals may not be acceptable.
Now, here is the way you deal with the issue. Nothing says you have to actually drink that drink. I'm neither anti-alcohol or do I have an alcohol problem, but I seldom drink. First, I don't like the feeling of being drunk and I know I don't play my best if I am; however,I always accept the drink and it will likely sit on the table all night.
Remember, gigging is a business. The nature of the business is selling alcohol.
Sorry, but, yes you are. If the place you are playing sells drinks then your job as "the entertainment" is to entertain and hold the crowd so they buy more drinks (and food, if they have food). in your mind you can consider yourself a creative soul, and maybe you are, too, but your primary function is to keep those drinks flowing.
Always look on the bright side of life. At least he's not trying to mooch drinks on the band's bar tab
This happened to one of my previous bands. We did drink a lot, so it was hard to tell who had what at the end of the night.
If you want to subordinate yourself to the venue as "the entertainment" in the same way that your dysfunctional band's endless drama is "the entertainment" on this forum, then knock yourself out. My job is to play music; the sale (or not) of drinks is irrelevant to me.
'Thanks, I'll have a diet coke'.
If they want to get you a 'proper drink', 'thanks, a diet coke is fine'.
I am not obliged to give an explanation, been there, done that, gets boring.
If they want to get you a 'proper drink', 'thanks, a diet coke is fine'.
I am not obliged to give an explanation, been there, done that, gets boring.
Very common with most rock acts 70's/80's/90's ->etc. The famous Jimmy Page J.D. drinking shot was a bottle full of coca-cola.
It's a -stage show-. You're working. Some never got the memo.
I still have a couple Jack Daniels "stage bottles", but I, too, preferred filling them with strong iced tea vs cola.
So, OP, say, "Thanks, I'm good." Pick up stage bottle, knock back about half of it.
Rick
It is you trying to take a level of abstraction too far. The bar owner pays you the same way he pays the bar staff, even if only for one night. The people selling drinks aer also in as ymbiotic relationship for all that means.
Try telling the bar owner to get F#$%%D and see how much the audience is going to hire you back. You will very quickly find out how hierarchical your arrangement actually is.
What you are doing may or may not be working, but my above test will make it clear very quickly that whatever you are doing is for the bar owner.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
The venue is in business to make a profit, not support your hobby.
Your job is to make circumstances so the venue will net more money after paying you (and maybe removing seats/tables) that it would have if you weren't playing there. Most venues are not the moneymaker they were 40 years ago. That means you increase alcohol sales, increase food sales, or bring in customers paying a cover.
Why are the Rolling Stones still touring, primarily playing songs recorded before a good portion of the audience was born? Because lots of peo0le will buy all those expensive tickets.
No drinks sold = you're out of gigs. Face reality, my friend.
You have a very high sense of entitlement. There are a few places out there that hire bands, even if it is not a money maker, because they just personally like live music and want to support artists. Those venue are a very small minority. The great majority use music as a draw to sell alcohol. They don't give a rip about your artistic expression unless you fill that roll.
"Thanks, but last time I took a drink, I took my clothes off; No one wants that."
"Thanks, but if I drink, my car won't start and they'll put me back inside to serve the rest of my sentence."
"Thanks, but I'm allergic to drinking; It causes projection hurling; I'll bet I could hit the back tables from here."
"Thanks, but last time I drank, I drove all night and woke up in a Lafayette, Louisiana jail; They told me I tried to rob a gas station with a mic stand."
"Thanks, but if I drink, my car won't start and they'll put me back inside to serve the rest of my sentence."
"Thanks, but I'm allergic to drinking; It causes projection hurling; I'll bet I could hit the back tables from here."
"Thanks, but last time I drank, I drove all night and woke up in a Lafayette, Louisiana jail; They told me I tried to rob a gas station with a mic stand."
Saying you don't drink (when you do) to get out of drinking is disingenuous. It's easy enough to say "Thanks for the kind offer, but no" or just "No" if the dude won't bugger off. You don't owe him an explanation or excuse.
Or tell a bar manager or the wait staff to get the guy to stop. I had to do this at a show when a large, overserved guy sat himself down at a friend's table. We didn't see him again after that. Cheers.
Or tell a bar manager or the wait staff to get the guy to stop. I had to do this at a show when a large, overserved guy sat himself down at a friend's table. We didn't see him again after that. Cheers.
My father worked on a campaign for a candidate who was a recovering alcoholic. Part of my Dad's job was to go in first at any campaign event where drinking was expected and discreetly get a coca-cola in a glass w/ ice and bring it to Gov. Connally. Than, as long as he was holding a mostly-full glass with what appeared to be a mixed drink, he could decline drinks without offending anyone.
At any performance, I try to be as gracious as possible to everyone. First, people tend to remember interactions with performers. You could have a one-minute conversation with someone, and thirty years later they'll still be posting somewhere about what a nice guy you were, or what an a-hole you were.
Second, ultimately the people drinking in a bar provide your payment. No different really than if you were a plumber fixing the toilets. -Or- if you were the artist who carved, hand-painted and artistically arranged the school of wooden fish hanging from the ceiling at the restaurant where I ate last night.
Third, people who are moved by your performance sometimes want to, and can really insist, on rewarding you in some way, and feel rejected and hurt if you refuse. Could be buying drinks, giving you something or just rubbing up against you. (Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Bill Wyman, and Steven Tyler knew more than I about the latter.) The oddest thing that someone ever insisted on giving me after a show was a mouse pad with Bob Marley's pic on it.
{As far as the 'bad reputation' bit - yes, if I believe the person is a member of the mafia or the Bandidos, I'll be extra careful not to offend them. But a registered sex offender can be someone who was 16 and had sex with their 15-year old girlfriend.}
At any performance, I try to be as gracious as possible to everyone. First, people tend to remember interactions with performers. You could have a one-minute conversation with someone, and thirty years later they'll still be posting somewhere about what a nice guy you were, or what an a-hole you were.
Second, ultimately the people drinking in a bar provide your payment. No different really than if you were a plumber fixing the toilets. -Or- if you were the artist who carved, hand-painted and artistically arranged the school of wooden fish hanging from the ceiling at the restaurant where I ate last night.
Third, people who are moved by your performance sometimes want to, and can really insist, on rewarding you in some way, and feel rejected and hurt if you refuse. Could be buying drinks, giving you something or just rubbing up against you. (Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Bill Wyman, and Steven Tyler knew more than I about the latter.) The oddest thing that someone ever insisted on giving me after a show was a mouse pad with Bob Marley's pic on it.
{As far as the 'bad reputation' bit - yes, if I believe the person is a member of the mafia or the Bandidos, I'll be extra careful not to offend them. But a registered sex offender can be someone who was 16 and had sex with their 15-year old girlfriend.}
'Thought about this one a minute before responding:
Yes, gigging is absolutely a business, and the business of a bar-band is to help make that bar profitable by doing what bars do best.
Still, if you're an alcoholic in recovery, it's probably never a good idea to accept a drink or pretend-drink.
So what happens next for the recovering drunk, especially in some venues/scenes/age-groups/cultures where there's an especially strong drinking culture.
First off, in recovery, I see no hypocrisy in helping a bar sell drinks - Just because I was never any good at drinking doesn't apply to others in the bar. In recovery, I've learned the best path is to focus on keeping my own side of the street clean.
What happens next - If someone offers me a drink, my way is to first try to keep it light and joke with whoever offers, trying to make them feel especially appreciated for being there. If they're an a**h*** about it, I try to reclaim the space with calm authority and simply say, "no thanks", then go back to the stage and reclaim the room.
What I won't do is accept a drink. Nor will anyone else I know actively working the program.
Most of the time it's never an issue - I'm a sideman 90% of my gigs. Though on my once-a-month BL gig at a dive/part-biker bar, the drinking culture is strong. There the staff knows I don't drink. Yet my once-a-month slot is usually the second highest-in-drink-sales; The highest selling band has a steady monthly slot; I'm given a choice of whatever remaining Friday that month I'm open from my other band - There's usually one each month.
What's worked for me so far in the bigger, drink-sales picture is engaging the crowd, making them feel like they're an important part of the scene (they are doncha know). We put on a good engaging set & avoiding taking ourselves too seriously. I'll repeatedly remind the crowd to be extra-generous tipping the bar staff; I'll announce drink specials if there are any.
What doesn't work for me is drinking.
Somehow an attitude of let's-have-fun-&-be-real has helped this recovering drunk sell drinks without drinking. Who knew.
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Your's is a special case and I respect that. My position is based on business. If you and your band are doing well, that's great.
I don't feel special. One in ten people over the age of 12 in the US have Alcohol Use Disorder/Alcoholism, according to the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH).
Regardless, I agree that however we do it, our job as musicians is to help the bar sell drinks.
