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How to tell my parents?

#22
alexwittscheck said:
You're 16 and have a passion for music. I was there. In your exact situation, except maybe not as dedicated as you at the time. Do not do music for the money. I don't. I have gone in with the mindset of, I am going to make this happen. This is what I love. So, I have decided that whatever I do, even if it means not living as comfortably as some, I am going to work in music.

Why? Because it makes me happy. I love it.

If you want to live a comfortable life, music is probably not a good choice, but if you love it and cannot see life without it being your career, do it. That is where I am right now as of 22.

My parents never thought it was a good idea. We fought some battles over it, but I earned a full tuition scholarship to pay for my school, so I chose to major in music. They knew by that point, that I was serious and not going to change my mind. They knew that I would do it even if they didn't want me to. So, they got behind me and supported me.

So, my advice to you (if you do decide to do music) is to keep working hard at it, and show your parents that you are serious. They may be writing it off as a phase. Anyway, let them know that this is what you choose, even if it means doing it yourself without their help.

They may get behind you and support you, or they may not. I don't know. But, if you cannot live life in another career then you do not have a choice.

My dad and I were eating the other day and talking about music. He told me that he was proud of me with tears in his eyes. He said that no matter what he knew I would be doing something I loved. That meant the world to me.

Sorry long story, but hopefully it will give you some encouragement. I don't know if I will ever "make it" in music, but I know that I will be working with it for the rest of my life.

EDIT: PS - Never expect anything to just happen for you. Have initiative. Get out there and make it happen. Blood, sweat, and tears.
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I just want to say that that was by far the most inspirational answer I've gotten so far.
 
#24
As someone who went into college with the mindset that I should do whatever I wanted and then worry about money later, let me say this: don't do that.

I graduated with a BA in Anthropology, and while I feel that it was and is a useful degree for many purposes, the fact remains that the private sector generally has other opinions on the matter.

Music can always be a passion, but making it a primary source of income may be very difficult.

I was lucky in that I had useful skills that I developed as hobbies that I could turn to my advantage, and was in the right place at the right time. Many of my friends who graduated with degrees like mine have been less lucky, and have had to go back to school or settle for jobs they could've gotten with less education.

I'm not trying to tell you you shouldn't do music, but just don't go in with a mindset that your hobbies and passions should be the deciding factor on what you use to gain income or get a degree. Sometimes that's the surest way to burn yourself out of a hobby and make it a chore and a drain where it once was a joy and pleasure.

After graduating and working for a while, I've found a few different career paths that I could be happy with. Ones that I never thought of before going to college.

Working a "normal" job sounds like selling your soul to some people, but just remember that even your dream job would probably often seem mundane and dull unless you're an astronaut or a rock star or something, and even then there's bulls**t to wade through.

The honest-to-god truth on the matter, though, is that many college degrees are not in and of themselves very useful. The key is in how you combine them, and how you market yourself. I highly advise getting a minor, if not a double major, to make whatever it is you end up going for that much more marketable. If that means combining music and marketing, go for it.
 
#25
My dad was Archie Bunker, third-level Black Belt.

He hated my musical aspirations, associations and lifestyle and for years was the single most wettest blanket on me going into it as a career.

Then my getting married, being in the US Navy and then having kids (not necessarily in that order) also imprinted on me that I had to feed several mouths - and the image of a starving artist (getting your hard knocks experience without selling out at The Crossroads) with some starving kids and a wife was well established in me and I dropped out of music for over 45 years.

Before my dad died - he asked me why I didn't continue in music since it was such a wonderful influence in my life - I nearly fell on the floor. This was "The Great Hippie-Music-Unwashed Youth Hater" of all time talking and he wondered why I quit!

I can only send you a mixed bag on things to do, as I prolly didn't do them right anyway.

But life happens and you can still get your music degree after you have a viable form of employment - if there are even any jobs after you get out, that is. Things are tough now and I really don't see them swinging back to where it was before. People are in survival mode right now and they are getting pretty narrow-visioned, if not so minded.

Perhaps we won't need to go busking and plop down a hat and play on street corners. That's sorta romantic - in a 'starving-homeless' way. But I suggest that you find a non service oriented lifestyle and you'll prolly be employed when most others won't be - or will be working 'way under their PHD Sheepskin In Humanities.

Last point: I like what John Lennon said: "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans".
 
#28
If there's one thing I've learned in my 21 years of existence, it's that you do not want to pursue a career in the field you're most passionate about. You want to go into your second-favorite field, especially if you're going to do all of the formal training for it and spend some serious coinage and long hours getting the education.

If the hard work doesn't discourage you, actually becoming a professional musician and living on the bare minimum for the next 10 years might. There's really no money in music, unless you happen to be huge, but it's an extremely saturated market. If you aren't the absolute best or you don't have something that makes you stand out well above the crowd, it'll take many years of struggling to get there.

Furthermore, you'll be relinquishing the artistic, fun side of music to enter the world of consumerism and business music. No better way to kill something you love than to beat it for 50-hours a week, mandatory.

There's always hope, but I'd side with your dad and err toward reality.
 
#29
I'm not saying you "can't" make it... directly the opposite.

The reality is if you accept your parents money, the right thing to do is listen to their input.

My parents were tickled when I'd send home $20 or $50 bills that said "Dream Proof".. they kindly put them quietly aside and gave them to me later.

What do you want to do in music that requires a Berklee degree? Reason I ask is I have a band mate (I can connect you) who has $200k in music loans and is making $1800/month playing... he relies on teaching (they don't require a degree).

He and I make the same (if you don't count the Berklee cost)

Tim
 
#30
When I first went to college, I was heavily into music and seriously thinking about changing my major from Advertising Design (graphic design basically) to music. Ive always been on the cautious side so I had some serious reservations and ultimately decided against it. Im glad I did, I am 16 years into a career as a graphic designer making more money from my full time job and my own business on the side than probably some "signed" musicians.

On the flip side, this is the time in life to go for this as you dont have mouths to feed and arent married. I say do it but have a backup plan like everyone else is saying and you will be fine.
 
#31
NineSpine said:
...My advice is to find a school with a good music program and double major in something more practical. Your chances of succeeding in your musical aspirations will only be ENHANCED by having a more practical career path to go along with it. It will afford you the room in your life to pursue music. You will have money to INVEST into your music career, and you are way more likely to be successful with music if you have the financial stability to support yourself as you build your music career.
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Commit this to memory and go for it.
 
#34
SMILEYSIXX said:
...How do I break it to him that this is what I want to do with my life.
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This is easy - you tell him. But clear you mind of the idea that there's some magical way to phrase it that will suddenly make him say, "Oh, WOW! I never thought of that! Go for it! Let me get my checkbook..."

The only thing you can do is express your desire honestly. If he is not willing to see things the way you do and isn't ready to pony up the $$ for something he feels is not in your or his interest, that's his right as a person and a parent.

SMILEYSIXX said:
...And I know, I'm only 16 and a lot of you are probably thinking that I'm gonna go be a teenager and change my mind tomorrow, but music is something I really want to do forever and would love nothing more than making a living out of it.
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Yes, I do think you are 16 - because that's a fact - and I do think that you honestly believe you want to make a career of music - today, based on your concept of what that means.

I don't know how you'll feel about it in ten years, but I can say for a fact that you'll be 10 years older and 10 years more experienced and it's very likely that you'll develop new passions along the way.

A career in music is not more or less worthwhile than a career in finance or marketing or communications if that's what both makes you happy and supports your lifestyle.

Parents want "the best" for their kids and parents have lived a lot more than their kids and know a lot about life, careers, school that their kids simply can't know. They feel obligated to steer their kids in directions they believe will be 'best' for them in the long run based on all that.

Also, considering the rough financial climate, if your parents are watching their expenditures, the idea that you may be going off half-cocked to an expensive school with the goal of becoming a professional musician isn't in their budget - you have to accept that and find another way to get there (as Jive said).


SMILEYSIXX said:
Any advice on how to deal with trying to get my dad to understand?
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The best advice I can offer is to NOT try to change your dad's mind. The only person you can control is yourself and trying to find the 'phrase that pays' is an exercise in manipulation of others and is futile. You cannot control how he's going to process what you have to say. The only thing you can do is say it as clearly and honestly as you can and hope he hears you. He may still disagree, but you shouldn't be trying to find a way to make him do anything. If his ears are open, speak to him. If he doesn't agree with you then accept that and start figuring out your options.

You may even want to start with your options and include them in what you say. But the bottom line is that you cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do and if he doesn't want to spend his money to send you to Berklee, you have to accept that.
 
#35
Of all the musicians I've played with over the years, the only one that is playing music as their main source of income has a marketing degree. All things considered, I think it's a pretty risky move to get a music degree.

For one you absolutely do not need a music degree to succeed in the music business, honestly you're probably better off with a business or marketing degree. Secondly, having a degree in a non-music field does not mean you can't love and play music constantly - even fill up all your electives with music classes or get a minor, or even a double major.

The problem with a music degree is that it really puts you in a box and limits your career opportunities. With a business degree, you can work in the music business, or if that doesn't work out you can always do something else. Teaching music for a living is the only reason I can see for getting a degree in music - for anything else you're shooting yourself in the foot.
 
#38
ridgeback said:
not being bad mate but its the answer you wanted to hear..do you want people to agree with you or do you want advice..life at 16 is easy..at 22 its a dream but a 40/50 its not so great unless you have a few quid at your back..just a thought..
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Dude, don't pee on my dream, just because you didn't get yours. :D Just kidding.

Who knows, maybe I am dreaming, but I know that music is where I am going to be the rest of my life.

Note that I did not say "being an artist." That dream is the one that is unrealistic. It can happen, and I am trying to make it happen, but if it doesn't, no skin off of my back.

I will work in production be it live or studio, or be an artist manager. I don't really care, as long as it is in and around music. I will be happy with my job, as long as it has to do with music.
 
#39
alexwittscheck said:
Dude, don't pee on my dream, just because you didn't get yours. :D Just kidding.

Who knows, maybe I am dreaming, but I know that music is where I am going to be the rest of my life.

Note that I did not say "being an artist." That dream is the one that is unrealistic. It can happen, and I am trying to make it happen, but if it doesn't, no skin off of my back.

I will work in production be it live or studio, or be an artist manager. I don't really care, as long as it is in and around music. I will be happy with my job, as long as it has to do with music.
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The call of the sincerely passionate. Ah, a lovely call, indeed!

More power to you, but I feel compelled to mention that you've left yourself with a very narrow window for happiness. What if (heaven forbid) your life doesn't take that path. Are you saying you'll not be happy if your JOB isn't directly tied to music?

Remember, you can still have a VERY fulfilling life filled with music - even every day - without it being your job.

Another thing to consider. If you LOVE something like music, making it your JOB will more than likely put music into the 'obligation' column and remove it from the 'passion' column. When the everyday ins and outs of being a pro-musician of some sort become apparent, you'll suddenly find yourself waking up in the morning going, "Damn... I have three jingles I need to finish, two lessons and I still have to get that damn keyboard repaired..." - no different than the working stiff who has a project due or the trucker who's got another long haul...

But keeping music in a 'sacred' place - one that isn't influenced by others like ALL jobs are - can ensure that your passion for music isn't squished by reality.
 
#40
You can totally have a career in music. Use this thread to get motivated. Life has beaten down many a good man, but if you want it bad enough, you're capable of anything.
That said, you don't need a degree to make music for a living. Music schools are great if you want to be a music teacher, but for making a living playing, not so much. High school music directors actually make pretty good money. This whole thing kind of depends on how good you are really. Berkley is insanely competitive... but if you can read Donna Lee at 16, then who am I to say you aren't a good candidate for Berkley?
 

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