I Can't Play Piano

[two fingers]

My brother called me out of the blue a moment ago to turn me onto something funny. Comedian/voiceover actor H. Jon Benjamin doesn't play piano. BUT..... He made an album of piano songs. He hired serious musicians to play on it. He has done full concerts. I find this hilarious. Why? Well, I've tried to get into "serious" jazz dozens of times. I really like melodic jazz, and fusion, and soulful jazz. But I just can't get into (ironic term alert) "traditional" or free-form jazz. The solos in particular sound like musical gobbledygook to me. They sound like a contest to see who can squeeze in the most wrong notes and awful timing into one solo. Fans eat that stuff up and say things like "That cat is IN THE ZONE, MAN!!!" I don't get it. I respect that they are some of the most educated musicians on the planet. They can dissect a chord like a 7th grade biology teacher can get after a frog. But it just isn't pleasing to my ears. Period.

To add more fuel to my fire, I sold pianos off and on for about a decade. And I..... seriously.... don't play piano. I was great at selling them. Yes, I'm a musician. So I figured out a few things I could play by ear to demonstrate one pretty effectively. We had a young guy who worked in the store who played the crap out of the piano. Sometimes I would call him over to play for a minute while I talked to the customer about the specs of the piano. (I would tip him out if I made the sale, of course. There is a TON of commission... and profit.... in pianos.) I actually did pretty well faking it for those several years. I won sales contests several times (there were 35 store in the company back then....and I beat out about 40 pianos salesmen/women several times).

I've even played a few simple songs on keys live in band situations. I did a pretty respectable job too. But it was simply by memory and ear. And that band liked to goof off and switch instruments several times during a show.

And, to this day, I can't play piano.


Here's footage of a concert of his in Ohio a few years back. Honestly? I would not have been surprised at all if someone had shared this video with me and told me he was one of the hottest jazz players out there. This is about what jazz piano solos sound like to me anyway. Sign me up for Joe Sample. But I can't get my head around the fringe jazz stuff.

Enjoy!
(26) H JON BENJAMIN Performs "I Cant Play Piano" @ EJ THOMAS HALL - YouTube

Here's an article/interview with him on NPR.
(26) H JON BENJAMIN Performs "I Cant Play Piano" @ EJ THOMAS HALL - YouTube


Now, where did I put that flame suit? I wonder if it still fits. I haven't needed it in a while.

Ah. yes. Here it is. Do your worst.

 

[monkeyland]

Maybe if you had a few more fingers…

 

[2112]

Jazz is weird...

 

[BargeOn]

 

[two fingers]

Jazz is weird...

I love those dudes. They get me.

 

[two fingers]

View attachment 4673798

 

[Oddly]

Poll needs more options.
Obviously I voted for the first choice, as that's the correct answer, but I think several of the others may be valid concerns too.

Also, I'm with you.
I know, as a musician, I'm supposed to appreciate the likes of Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Dizzy Gillespie, Jaco and all them cats, but I've tried and failed.
Gimme the beat, boys...

Actually the lyrics in this pretty much perfectly cover my feelings on jazz...

 

[J_Bass]

You've been listening to the wrong Jazz music for your taste, that's what I take from your post.

 

[ElectroVibe]

A person has to have personal issues before they can ...umm... ...appreciate.... free jazz or other unorthodox music.

But they will never admit that or have that kind of personal reflection about themselves.

 

[ctmullins]

I love free jazz and unorthodox music!

And I'll never admit to having a plethora of personal issues…..

 

[buldog5151bass]

I've been playing jazz in one band for the past decade. I don't adore the music, but there is some amazing stuff and talent. But most free form - meh.

I have the same issue with some jazz as I do with some opera and a lot of progressive rock. It's the "we play this because we have the chops to do it", rather than because it is good music.

 

[two fingers]

You've been listening to the wrong Jazz music for your taste, that's what I take from your post.

I would put these both squarely in the "melodic jazz" category. They dip their toes into "free form" a little bit. But they're mostly melodic.

Second video: I have no use for the section where the (incredibly talented) pianist bangs away on the same note for what seems like forever (around 3:30). They lost me. But I stuck with it. The bass solo? Of course, he's a legend, and a ridiculous talent. It weaves in and out of amazing melodic passages to bass wankery and musical gibberish to me. At 7:50 the pianist starts banging away on "off" chords. Why? Is that "in the zone" or something? Again, I'm, not saying it's "wrong". I'm simply saying I don't get it. And I'm not entertained by it.

Around 10:30 you get back around to the jazz I could listen to all day. Give me a cup of coffee and a sunrise and that playing in the background and I'm one happy dude. The piano solo at around 12:00 has me hanging on every note. Horn section around 13:15? Sublime. Love it.

Short version: These two examples are NOT "out there" jazz. The soloists get "out there" (for my taste) a couple of times. But these two acts I could watch all night.

 

[SLO Surfer]

But I just can't get into (ironic term alert) "traditional" or free-form jazz.

Here's your problem; "Traditional Jazz," aka "Trad Jazz," actually refers to early Dixieland jazz (ie. Paul Whiteman), which most people nowadays find as one of the most mellow and easy to listen to jazz styles. The word "traditional" is most definitely NOT used when describing free-form jazz. "Free jazz" is what many are thinking of when they imagine Ornette Coleman's screeching saxophone noises with cacophony happening in the rhythm section.

All you need to do is pay $50,000 to study Jazz at a 4-year university to understand Ornette's theory of "Harmolodics," and thus gain a deep understanding and appreciation for Free Jazz and how it relates to all other Jazz sub-genres. Be ready though, you'll be better than everyone else who doesn't "get it" by the end of your coursework and correcting those who mislabel Traditional versus Free form Jazz in online forums. It's great!!!

 

[J_Bass]

That's my point. Listen to what you like.

Don't force it. If you don't like free jazz, don't listen to it. But it's far from gibberish. It may sound like gibberish to you, but it isn't.

Start with the Jazz you like, and after some time you'll probably evolve to more "not so obvious" music. Or not, it's a matter of taste.

And if you don't like it, don't listen to it.



By the way, the part when Petrucciani plays the same note is awesome. Listen again and notice how Jackson and Gadd put more and more intensity in the part, as the piano keeps the same.

It's inverted parts. In the piano solo, the piano gives away the dynamics to the other 2 instruments, and they grow and grow and grow, until it suddenly stops and begins the bass solo. Brilliant.

 

[ElectroVibe]

Gather up all the fans of weird music and art. Put them all together on an island with enough food and supplies to get them started.

Then watch what happens. It won't be pretty.

 

[turf3]

OP, why don't you spend some time with Bix Beiderbecke, Fats Waller, Cab Calloway, Charlie Barnet, Count Basie, Duke Ellington, and of course Louis Armstrong (not the cheesy stuff from the 60s like Hello Dolly and Wonderful World, but the stuff from the 1930s through 1950s), and then come back and tell us what you think?

 

[two fingers]

Here's your problem; "Traditional Jazz," aka "Trad Jazz," actually refers to early Dixieland jazz (ie. Paul Whiteman), which most people nowadays find as one of the most mellow and easy to listen to jazz styles. The word "traditional" is most definitely NOT used when describing free-form jazz. "Free jazz" is what many are thinking of when they imagine Ornette Coleman's screeching saxophone noises with cacophony happening in the rhythm section.

All you need to do is pay $50,000 to study Jazz at a 4-year university to understand Ornette's theory of "Harmolodics," and thus gain a deep understanding and appreciation for Free Jazz and how it relates to all other Jazz sub-genres. Be ready though, you'll be better than everyone else who doesn't "get it" by the end of your coursework and correcting those who mislabel traditional versus free form Jazz in online forums. It's great!!!

I stand corrected. I'm perfectly willing to admit that I don't know all of the terminology and/or history.

 

[J_Bass]

Here's your problem; "Traditional Jazz," aka "Trad Jazz," actually refers to early Dixieland jazz (ie. Paul Whiteman), which most people nowadays find as one of the most mellow and easy to listen to jazz styles. The word "traditional" is most definitely NOT used when describing free-form jazz. "Free jazz" is what many are thinking of when they imagine Ornette Coleman's screeching saxophone noises with cacophony happening in the rhythm section.

All you need to do is pay $50,000 to study Jazz at a 4-year university to understand Ornette's theory of "Harmolodics," and thus gain a deep understanding and appreciation for Free Jazz and how it relates to all other Jazz sub-genres. Be ready though, you'll be better than everyone else who doesn't "get it" by the end of your coursework and correcting those who mislabel traditional versus free form Jazz in online forums. It's great!!!

You like or you don't like it.

I love to listen to Ornette. All I had to do was listen and decide if I like it or not. I didn't have to pay anything, except for the albums.


There's no "getting it".

 

[truand85]

You've been listening to the wrong Jazz music for your taste, that's what I take from your post.

Yep. Lots of jazz out there keep listening. See my avatar if you need inspiration. Love Petrucciani, RIP. I studied under his brother.

 

[two fingers]

OP, why don't you spend some time with Bix Beiderbecke, Fats Waller, Cab Calloway, Charlie Barnet, Count Basie, Duke Ellington, and of course Louis Armstrong (not the cheesy stuff from the 60s like Hello Dolly and Wonderful World, but the stuff from the 1930s through 1950s), and then come back and tell us what you think?

I'm simply not passionate enough about jazz to do a deep dive. Give me some Joe Sample, Yellowjackets, Soulive, Fourplay, Medeski Martin and Wood (with and without Scofield) etc. and I'm fine/chill. It's about as jazzy as I'm ever going to feel.