My deepest condolences, I too share your pain and loss, a few months back, I lost my cousin,whom I grew up with since birth. We knew we wanted to play music from the time we were 4 years old. we use to play as kids and pretend to be in a band, i knew i wanted to play bass and he would be the guitarist. by the time we were 8 or 9 we finally got our instruments and from that moment on we were unstoppable, took lessons together, practice constantly together, even just sat and listened to music for hours on end analyzing every note. we were closer than brothers and shared an amazing bond, both in music right down to a very stupid sense of inside humour that stemmed from a lifetime of experiences together. by the time we were 13 we were in a real band, and from that point on we were inseparable for the next 20+ years, many bands would approach us asking one of us to join their band, and the response was always "we come as a pair, if you want one of us, you"ll have to make room for the other." and they would usually do just that, needless to say there were alot of disgruntled bassists and guitarists along the way.
When he died, I definitely lost a huge part of myself in more ways than just musically. a year before his passing, I lost another good friend and singer, who I still miss terribly, and if all this wasn't enough, my father passed away a couple months after my cousin. I have contemplated many things in this time, but it seems music is the only way to keep my sanity, and keep going on, if I was to give that up, I would've truely had nothing left and would have died right along with them. I honestly feel more creative and inspired in some ways, and strangely enough, I have gained some pretty amazing guitar skills in the past few months, almost as if my cousin lives on through me. playing music is the only connection I have left to him and the others I have lost in the past 2 years, I feel its almost like my duty as half of a team, to keep his legacy alive, his friends, fans and family feel the same, they refuse to see me quit, and watching me carry on is the greatest reminder and memorial to them all. I know he's there with me on stage, and any other time I pick up an instrument, or even just listening to music we use to love together, I still feel him there, I know he's listening and pushing me further beyond my abilities, i have a regained sense of fire in my soul when I play now.
It still hurts greatly, part of me is dead inside and I'll probably never get that back. I'm still getting over the initial shock of it all, it still feels unreal, and I miss him more every day, in more ways than i realize. but letting music go is let letting go of him, and I just can't let that happen.
sorry that this became so long winded, I guess I had more to get off my chest than I realized, but I hope you found some sort of inspiration in my words.
Sure, absolutely take whatever time you need to sort things out and do whatever you feel is right for you, but I think you may find in time, that keeping his memory alive through your music will be good for your soul, as well as his and all those who cared for him.
