I QUIT!

[MegaSwing]

Now the challenge will be to stay away, should the guy ever come slinking around again with another gig. (It could happen.)

Even though the venting was therapeutic and necessary for you (like finally scratching a tough itch to reach, it's easy to over-do it), I think in the end you look better with a simpler message: This gig is over. Please lose my phone number and email address.

 

[sonofabass]

I know that this forum is now old but I just thought of something...as I trek down memory lane about some bridges that I've burned in the past (we've all done it on a small or large scale whether it be in the professional music world or in some other type of work world where email and text are involved)

What is now in writing is really your side of an "argument" that is left to interpretation by all who read it and, as evidenced by this forum, not all will agree that you did the "right" thing and acted more on emotion which can be a red flag for many band leaders.


I CRINGE at some things that I siad to people back in the day when I didn't know any better. Although "justified" many times there are not many feelings worse than meeting someone who you know knows someone who knows someone who knows the person you had some 'funk' with and not knowing how much they already "know" about you.From the start your relationship is 'funny' because you can't really be yourself or whoever you think yourself is (if that makes any sense).

Music is a fickle business. Please forgive me for bringing up an old post and possibly digging up bad feelings.

Maybe, though, a younger bassist who may be , like I was in the past, a little fast tempered which makes for an unnecessarily harder road than the already hard road of a musician's life provides.

 

[buzzbass]

that was very level headed of you. I probably would've punched the guy's lights out months ago.

 

[lpdeluxe]

I've come to realize that band success is 25% music-related and 75% interpersonal relationships.

+1. Here's the question I always ask myself: do we get along? Are we actual friends who are going in the same direction, or I am here just for the opportunity to play, with people who don't mean that much to me? Band leaders tend to be manipulative. The first serious band I was in was run by a guy and his wife. Nothing was ever straight up and down with them. They were always explaining away some situation that should have been dealt with in a forthright manner, and people learned that they couldn't be trusted.

Right now, I'm looking at the dissolution of a little group that started when I was asked to join a guitarist friend on bass. We added a percussionist, then the guitarist wanted a drummer and found one. Of course, he has an untalented wife who sings with the band. Or thinks she does. We have a gig Saturday and then I'll walk, unless the wife stays home. There are too many good musicians out there to suffer through irrelevant problems.

 

[bassbully]

18 months with this jerk? I would of lasted about a week and walked on his @ss. good to know you told him off text or not.

 

[mrpackerguy]

I'd like to see the facebook entry

 

[Munjibunga]

I'll go against the grain here and say that you probably wasted your time and the email could be "used against " you in some way later.

No matter how justified you are about a particular thing, the moment you blow off steam in an email or text you've put yourself in a vulnerable position professionally.

You asked.

It's a lesson that I had to learn the hard way once upon a time.


Just my two cents.

It's an interesting dilemma. If he had quit with a private conversation, the leader could tell people anything he wanted about what the OP said. In this case, the OP can show anyone who asks exactly what was said.

However, I think that what was sent could have been phrased in ways that would make it difficult for the leader to look good if he shared the email with anyone else.

I have typed similar emails myself regarding similar people in different situations (like youth sports). After I vent, I usually don't send the email, and delete it. In other cases, I rephrase and send it if the issue warrants it.