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I think I'm done

#63
I feel your pain. You could have been describing a band I once played bass in, except I pulled the plug after 18 months. They were quite sad - no bass player, no van to move the PA. Better bands came and went after this - there is always another ban that needs a bass player.

Regarding the abuse... sometimes I think we bring it on ourselves by putting up with it one time, and after that it is expected. Drive someone to the gig to help them out, next time they expect a ride. Loan someone a mic stand and you never see it again (If you are going to loan stuff, make it something you don't care about). Put up with set lists that eliminate all your favorite songs and forever you have no voice in the set list construction. Put up with being over-powered by loud guitars, drums, etc., and your forever expected to put up with self centered players. Musicians listen to the group as a whole, they self mix to make the band sound best (I tried getting quieter, no one really noticed). On and on it goes - some people crave power over others and cannot function in a room full of equals. If you are going to be in a band with these types, then know you are just an employee who follows orders and gets paid and nothing more.

Edit - My that sounds dark and cynical. I guess I'm just the sum of my experience. I've been is much better bands, and I've really appreciated those who pulled their weight - booking, set-up and tear down, providing equipment, etc. I especially appreciate those who listen to the band mix with an ear for delivering the best group sound.
 
#65
Doing anything that negatively affects your performance is a no no for me.

I like to drink as much as anyone, but even if I am not driving, why would anyone want to have more than a few beers on stage? Nothing worse than having to take a leak and looking at the setlist and seeing that there are 10 songs left before break.

The band may be the centre of the party but it is a job.

If I feel like having a bunch of beers, I do it after the gig.
 
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#69
iriegnome said:
After 15 years + with the same band, I think after this last weekend, I have about had it. Guitards on 13 in a room smaller than a closet, bitchen between the 3 of them constantly about how loud each is and how much they each need to turn down but none of them are too loud themselves. Monitors so loud they drown out the drummers. Drummers so loud I can't hear any monitors, me being pushed to behind the drummer so the guitards can have enough room at the front of the stage. Me singing 90% of all backups and not having a monitor. Drunk guitard singing over all my harmonies to show off to his wife. Super drunk everyone except me (I don't really drink) so bad that the drummer was using his coat as a cymbal the other gig. 15 years I have put up with this. I can't take it. 9 gigs and I have driven at least one if not both ways for 6 of them and there are 6 people who are capable of driving. Getting bitched at for a missed note and the same guitard completely just stops playing so he can get someone to get him another beer (usually 15 or 20 per night)..
I mean am I wrong?? I have been looking to join another band for about 2 years, passed on a couple of questionable ones. Seems everyone in my area wants to play metal.. not down with that. Want to be happy. Just hating life in my band right now.. Nobody else to complain to other than my TB family..
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How the hell did you endure 15 years of that? You disrespect me that way once, I'm gone that same night. Not worth it.

(unless there's a million dollar contract in it for me. For that kind of cash, I'll play and even suggest things about me to bitch about :D )
 
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#70
Time for OP to go....

Just two weeks ago left guitarist playing w steady last 7 years (various drummers). And we worked weekly

Key issues lack of preparation, being ridiculously scattered, not learning songs and the #1 dealbreaker...never showing up to a gig on time or when he said he would

Then the drama escalated from me getting POd all the time

I'll miss playing and not looking forward at all to "dating" again. But decided too many accommodations for unprofessionalism worth gettin back out there
 
#72
The issue is alcoholism. Plain and simple. I live in WI, and Sconnies do drink, including the majority of the brandy consumed in the US.

If these people are your friends, you have an obligation to call them on their abusive relationship with alcohol. Otherwise you are an enabler. I know it sounds harsh. We're talking about tough love. You may be one of the only people who can make a difference for them. If hey don't buy in, you check out.

The hobby band I'm in was a drunkfest until the leader got stopped for a DWI. In pleading for his future, he had to go into therapy and attend AA meetings. As a result, we fired our hard drinking drummer. We play sober, now, and its a much better scene. Had not that happened, I would have been dealing with junior league version of your deal.

As an adult child of an alcoholic, you have my utmost sympathy. Good luck and godspeed sir.
 
#74
Are you gone yet? Good for you.

Been there brother... I quit last September, and the only thing I miss is the $$$. That buncha' hop-heads knew how to pitch a gig, I'll give 'em that.
 
#80
iriegnome said:
After 15 years + with the same band, I think after this last weekend, I have about had it. Guitards on 13 in a room smaller than a closet, bitchen between the 3 of them constantly about how loud each is and how much they each need to turn down but none of them are too loud themselves. Monitors so loud they drown out the drummers. Drummers so loud I can't hear any monitors, me being pushed to behind the drummer so the guitards can have enough room at the front of the stage. Me singing 90% of all backups and not having a monitor. Drunk guitard singing over all my harmonies to show off to his wife. Super drunk everyone except me (I don't really drink) so bad that the drummer was using his coat as a cymbal the other gig. 15 years I have put up with this. I can't take it. 9 gigs and I have driven at least one if not both ways for 6 of them and there are 6 people who are capable of driving. Getting bitched at for a missed note and the same guitard completely just stops playing so he can get someone to get him another beer (usually 15 or 20 per night)..
I mean am I wrong?? I have been looking to join another band for about 2 years, passed on a couple of questionable ones. Seems everyone in my area wants to play metal.. not down with that. Want to be happy. Just hating life in my band right now.. Nobody else to complain to other than my TB family..
Click to expand...

Even if it means not being in a band for a while, I would get out asap if I were you. I don’t know how you managed to deal with that for 15 years, I couldn’t stand 2 years in my last band and we had many of the same issues. Good luck!
 

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