Based on your story, what you did wrong was the way you treated yourself. Making yourself endure that for 15 years?!
You should treat yourself better than that. The world is full of a-holes who will treat you badly...don't be one yourself.
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I think I'm done
- Thread starter iriegnome
- Start date
You should treat yourself better than that. The world is full of a-holes who will treat you badly...don't be one yourself.
Hi,
Yep, I've been married for 18 wonderful years, and a couple of really crummy ones.
Thank you for your indulgence,
BassCliff
did I mention that I was in a bad marriage for 18 years?? seems to be an ongoing issue with me..
Yep, I've been married for 18 wonderful years, and a couple of really crummy ones.
Thank you for your indulgence,
BassCliff
Is this a serious post? If it is, you have put up with too much for way too long! Move on and don't even give it a second thought! A bass player you doesn't drink and sings harmonies...you'll find another band no problem. you deserve better!
Gouge, if you look into my history of nearly 15 years on TB, this is a serious post. I just deactivated my FB profile. I have 3. Personal, professional and band. I just deactivated the my band profile, but as a temp. I am curious to see if anyone of the 11 members of my inner circle of the band even notices or cares.
Ric5
Inactive
- Jan 29, 2008
- 29,772
- 30,452
- Disclosures
- I like 5, 8, 10, and 12 string basses
Join a new band so you can embrace a whole new set of similar problems.
You are a very patient man, congratulations it is a rare and honored gift. Being patient doesn't mean you have to suffer fools (necessarily), albeit talented ones who are old friends. Remember it's not them that are the problem, only what they are doing. IMO, I would explore other opportunities while remaining friends and being supportive. Best of luck.
there's 3 guitarists?
It gets pretty loud in my new band when the lead singer straps on her electric guitar and that's only two.
I have 15-20 drinks per YEAR, not per gig.
It gets pretty loud in my new band when the lead singer straps on her electric guitar and that's only two.
I have 15-20 drinks per YEAR, not per gig.
the quickest and easiest solution to your situation is to just let them know that you are leaving the band effective immediately.
you don't have to offer a reason or justify your decision. They probably suspect it's coming anyway.
and go forward from there.
you don't have to offer a reason or justify your decision. They probably suspect it's coming anyway.
and go forward from there.
oh man, that is a long time!
I've been in situations like that, but not nearly as long.
- I fought back, by not driving anybody, anywhere, and not taking their gear when they can't fit it in their car. (or their girlfriend's car)
- I would show up early to the gigs, set my stuff up, soundcheck by myself or with the drummer, then go out to eat somewhere, and show up about 10 min before set time.
They got all upset, but I said hey, too bad. I'm here, now let's play.
- Guitard would turn up super loud in rehearsal, but my rig was louder, so when he asked me to turn down, I would say not until you turn down so we can all hear each other. sometimes worked, sometimes didn't, hence the custom molded ear plugs.
- some of them drank a lot, so when they did, I somehow knocked over their drinks during the set. They got mad, but I said too bad, let's play.
Point is, just be the bass player/singer, don't do anything else for them. remove yourself from the frustration, and if they complain, tell them, "too bad, let's just play some music."
my situation deteriorated because the guitard's ego got too out of control, so he quit the band because he thought he was the main guy.
these days he plays the worst covers in restaurants & bars for poor money with a drum machine and a vocal harmonizer. He is a fantastic guitarist, but just somehow cannot hold a band together cause of his ego / attitude.
I've been in situations like that, but not nearly as long.
- I fought back, by not driving anybody, anywhere, and not taking their gear when they can't fit it in their car. (or their girlfriend's car)
- I would show up early to the gigs, set my stuff up, soundcheck by myself or with the drummer, then go out to eat somewhere, and show up about 10 min before set time.
They got all upset, but I said hey, too bad. I'm here, now let's play.
- Guitard would turn up super loud in rehearsal, but my rig was louder, so when he asked me to turn down, I would say not until you turn down so we can all hear each other. sometimes worked, sometimes didn't, hence the custom molded ear plugs.
- some of them drank a lot, so when they did, I somehow knocked over their drinks during the set. They got mad, but I said too bad, let's play.
Point is, just be the bass player/singer, don't do anything else for them. remove yourself from the frustration, and if they complain, tell them, "too bad, let's just play some music."
my situation deteriorated because the guitard's ego got too out of control, so he quit the band because he thought he was the main guy.
these days he plays the worst covers in restaurants & bars for poor money with a drum machine and a vocal harmonizer. He is a fantastic guitarist, but just somehow cannot hold a band together cause of his ego / attitude.
For your own sanity get out of there, pronto! Believe me, other doors will open for you and you will be much healthier while you are waiting for the next opportunity.
All good things to you, brother!
All good things to you, brother!
It looks hopeless. Don't bother talking about it and line up another band as easy as that. Seems like a waste of time and effort - your time and effort. Volume is not a priority, balance of instruments comes first.
Just a social get together really for Johnny-no-mates.
Just a social get together really for Johnny-no-mates.
did I mention that I was in a bad marriage for 18 years?? seems to be an ongoing issue with me..
Well, maybe. But the operant word in that is in the past tense (...was...).
You might call a band meeting, and see if it helps to air your concerns about the alcohol consumption and volume level. If your bandmates are smart, they'll listen to you. If not, what I'd do is keep my yap shut and keep playing with them, but start looking for a new gig.
I dealt with boneheads like that for a while and eventually walked away and took a couple of years off.
When I got back into music I made a vow that I would only work with people who are good people, fun to hang with and take music seriously. In other words, I would no longer play music with people who were not professionals.
A funny thing happened, I got busier than ever. I play hand percussion in two bands and drums in two bands. Holding myself to a higher standard in the people that I work with was one of the best decisions that I ever made.
When I got back into music I made a vow that I would only work with people who are good people, fun to hang with and take music seriously. In other words, I would no longer play music with people who were not professionals.
A funny thing happened, I got busier than ever. I play hand percussion in two bands and drums in two bands. Holding myself to a higher standard in the people that I work with was one of the best decisions that I ever made.
RUN! MOVE CITIES! OR EVEN STATES! HELL FLEE TO MEXICO! Just get the $$$$ out of there!
If you want to try and keep it together you should tell them exactly what you told us. Maybe not use "gitards" in your conversation.
But ask yourself do I want to put in the effort or not. Is it worth the time and effort. If they are drinking 15-20 beers in a night you wont have to worry to long they will probably wreck themselves shortly
Which leads me to understand why you are doing most of the driving.
Best
Frank
But ask yourself do I want to put in the effort or not. Is it worth the time and effort. If they are drinking 15-20 beers in a night you wont have to worry to long they will probably wreck themselves shortly
Which leads me to understand why you are doing most of the driving.
Best
Frank
