Couple of things.
If the stage noise is "messy" in your ears, then you are NOT getting good attenuation and have a lot of stage bleed. The isolation should be like standing outside in the middle of nowhere on a windless night. There should be indiscernible noise from the stage with a proper seal.
Deep sub bass in one's IEM depends on whether the BA drivers can handle it. I have 4 * LF drivers in each ear.. I can get plenty of tight sub bass! But mushy uncontrolled sub-bass IS worthless!
The band should not be relying on someone else to mix your IEM's - unless dedicated and familiar with ur needs!
If you have no control over your mix, then yes.. even the wrong level of effects in the mix can make it horrendous.
I've posted this pic before.. but this (or similar) setup - there are many variants, coupled with a splitter snake will support pretty much every situation I've encountered playing live.
Full control of your own mix - assuming you know how to correctly EQ instruments!
With an external "dual band" router you have the ability to control the IEM mix from on stage using phones, tablets, etc. and let FOH do FOH, not monitor mixes!!
The X32 Rack can be replaced with any number of similar consoles.
If the House has a stage box w/ a splitter, then hook the splits into the console
If not, one leg of your splitter goes into the console, the other goes into the House snake. It makes no difference whether the House stage box is analog or digital. Same process!
View attachment 4498495