I'm feeling band malaise

[RichardW]

TL,DR: Love my band, but no longer really enjoying it and thinking of moving on.

Been playing with the same guys for 15 years. My first band and it was very important to all of us. All of us 60-somethings. We are better than average and get a lot of compliments on our playing and song selection. BL pushes us hard, but results are usually worth it. Prior to Covid we rehearsed weekly and gigged 6 - 8 times a year--a nice amount for us, which provide a good sense of momentum. Since the pandemic, we play out just twice a year. Two of our guys are out of town for extended periods: one goes to FL for the winter, another to New England for the summer. I'm losing the sense that the amount of work prepping for gigs is worth it. We'll learn new songs, and then play them out once. We're prepping for a gig in December, and I'm not enjoying it very much. I think I need to say something after the gig.

In the interim, I've started jamming with some guys about once a week--good hang and zero pressure and tons of fun just getting into grooves. I've also played in a pick-up band of guys from the neighborhood -- three rehearsals and then gig, focusing on simpler tunes that, while not necessarily super challenging to play, really get the audience up and dancing. No muss, no fuss, lots of fun. I feel like my musical priorities are changing.

Anyway, this has got me thinking it might be time to move on from my original band. The juice isn't worth the squeeze. Still, I regret pulling the plug. I'd be fine if they continued with another bassist, but I don't know if they would. I think the only circumstance I'd continue would be to hone songs we already know so that any gigs would just require 3 - 4 rehearsals.

Thanks for reading. Thoughts?

 

[GroovyBaby]

Totally makes sense. You, like me, sound like this is a hobby. At the end of the day, I'm not playing for money and I'm not really trying to play for money. I'm trying to make good music, get better at playing, and I NEED to find what I'm doing intrinsically rewarding. It sounds like you have already decided but feel bad letting your bandmates down. That's understandable but accepting where you are and where you are gravitating is important. Do it. Be empathetic with the original band, explain truthfully how you feel and what you are and are not interested in doing going forward. You might play together in some other project down the road.

Similarly, I've played with a good friend and guitarist for over 15 years. We've been through a number of projects together. Our latest, Stone Creek Blues () started with the intent of being a blues band. We struggled to find a good drummer who wants to play blues. We went through a number of drummers and found someone inexperienced but naturally talented. We starting building with him and he learned to play a decent shuffle. Over time it became clear (and he vocalized) that he doesn't like playing blues. He finds BB King's Live at the Regal "boring" and thinks it all sounds the same. We were playing at a local bar and the local scene favors classic rock, country, alternative rock. We started introducing more things as crowd pleasers. At some point we realized we just drifted too far from what we wanted to do. The intrinsic reward wasn't there. We pulled the plug and let the drummer and the keyboardist go. We are working to rebuild with the original vision intact. We don't really care if we are popular on the local scene. We are more focused on putting out some quality recordings and satisfying our inner muse. The drummer was really heart broken but at the end of the day, we want to play different music. He kept turning everything into a heavier rock tune and struggled to settle into a shuffle with good feel simply because he didn't find it enjoyable.

We also started another project in the funk-jazz arena and it is so much more enjoyable. Not because of the type of music, but the level of musicianship. The intrinsic reward for playing in this line up is excellent ().

Bottom line, you aren't doing this for money. While commitments to other people matter, if you aren't enjoying what you are doing then you won't do it well. Spend your time playing what you WANT to play.

 

[Crab Key]

Like many I first started on bass as I wanted to work and guitar players were ubiquitous.

40 something years later that still hold true and there's no reason a competent bassist can't work in more than one project providing they have the time to do the gigs correctly.

Folks who object to that can get over themselves, musicians play & your not so much working bandmates may envy that you are in demand.

 

[Topkat13]

We're behind ya' bro!

 

[deepestend]

Counterpoint... maybe they are all kind of feeling the same way. Might be worth feeling that out. Maybe everyone would be fine taking a step back and still getting together to play but not taking it as seriously. Then you wouldn't look like the bad guy.

 

[pepj]

Get out... or I would. Really do not understand situations like this.
I need to call time on a casual 2 or 3 time yearly gig because the vox...who gets the gigs...cant deliver any more and its too much work.

2nd Band is 3 months in for and I already find myself dreading the next gig.
Big red flag.

 

[lokikallas]

You lost me at weekly rehearsals...

 

[Five or Six]

Honestly, this isn't a band. Why stay with something that's non productive or rewarding personally. You leave and I'm not too sure how many bass player's would throw into something like this? Non existent 2 seasons out of the year? Go do something with the folks that play and you enjoy. This isn't about the "band" it's about you.

 

[Killing Floor]

Find some other people. They’re out there

 

[Wasnex]

If you truly think it's time to move on, it is. I suggest making the transition as graceful as possible. Consider telling them now. You may not be the only one who is ready to stand down. If they decide to continue without you, do your best to help them find a good replacement.

Doesn't sound like a bad situation. But it does sound like it doesn't meet your current needs or expectations. Another person might think the situation is great.

In my experience, it's rare for an experienced players to find musical situations where they are 100% happy with everything. If they do luck out, 100% happiness may not last for long. So IMHO, it's a good idea to do some introspection to assess your expectations and how realistic they are. Then weigh the pros and cons.

Seems like you are thinking of the juice as the gig and the squeeze as the rehearsals. Weekly rehearsals for 2-10 gigs a year should be way more than is actually necessary IMHO...unless the rehearsals are actually considered juice. You could consider the possibility of reframing the way you look at rehearsals. Also, perhaps the band would agree to less rehearsals or make changes to the rehearsal format so they are more enjoyable.

 

[sloppy_phil]

Perhaps rather than going to the band saying you are ready to walk, it may be worth it to see if the band would be amenable to altering the work flow to something which is more to your liking. It may well turn out the others are thinking similarly, or if not, at least willing to consider making adjustments.

I see no reason you couldn’t do these occasional gigs when they do come up (provided the scheduling changes do indeed occur), and then still play with the other projects that seem to have your attention at the moment. I play in something like 8 bands/projects, but they aren’t all busy at the same time, so it’s easy enough to make time for them when gigs etc pop up.

 

[Swerve]

I was in two bands as of a few months ago and recently decided to leave one. Even though the one I left was more "professional" and we got better gigs, the band I decided to stay with is just a really fun hang and less rigid musically. I actually look forward to rehearsals and jams. Since this is a just a hobby for me, being able to enjoy it is paramount. I already have a full time job and raising two kids. When I'm not busy doing that I want to have a good time.

My thing is if you're feeling like you should call it quits then go with your gut.

 

[Bar Band Bassman]

I had the thought earlier today that one BL is "kicking the give-a-sh*t outta me". Not ready to bail just yet.

BBB

 

[StyleOverShow]

Yes leave this band, no musical or creative reason to stay.

I joined a local bar band about 4 months ago made up of active players who have worked the area’s venues for years. I’m a RnB/Funk guy by nature/choice, more TOP than SRV. It was fun learning Skynard, BTO while revisiting Stones, Beatles, Doors tunes long forgotten. The band is good and we work a couple gigs a month. But and it is a huge ‘but’ there is little joy in ‘our success’. Our entire setlist is performed in the recorded format, so most tunes are under 4 minutes so like 10 songs a 45 minute set, and they want it to be a note for note recreation. Someone is always upset at the mistakes even as the dance floor is full and the house is a Rockin.
I will leave this band in December, too much work setting up lights and sounds systems on a 4hour gig for $80 a night without a few laughs or extended solos.

The other band I work in is headquartered 100 miles away so I drive a lot, works all around the entire state and neighboring, has had the same setlist for the 7-8 years I’ve worked with them, and perhaps more importantly the personnel is stable. At this point the ‘show’ which is 1, 2 or 3 hours long is like an old comfortable pair of jeans, the pay is minimum a C note and the hang is comfortable ( the guitarist is from NYC and I’m from LA so we kinda share the big city boys in the country feeling). I’m going to retire from playing out with this band, prolly next year.

 

[JRA]

Thoughts?

i'm with all those who would encourage you to follow your heart/gut/instincts. sounds like you're at a place where it's more about being rewarded artistically --- which is what all of us want if/when the money is less important (or doesn't matter).

in the past, i might have stayed with some less-than-desirable situations just for the good money, but now i'm too old to put up with a bunch of BS, no matter the money, so i just want the best experience i can have.

it's music. we love it!

 

[selowitch]

You lost me at weekly rehearsals...

We like weekly rehearsals. They keep us sharp and it's a chance for the band to have some fun together.

 

[RichardW]

Counterpoint... maybe they are all kind of feeling the same way. Might be worth feeling that out. Maybe everyone would be fine taking a step back and still getting together to play but not taking it as seriously. Then you wouldn't look like the bad guy.

Yes, this is a real possibility. Last year the BL indicated he was basically tired of playing out, but I think with the twice-a-year gig schedule he was willing to hang on. My POV is like "twice a year is hardly worth the effort"

 

[Stingray5]

We like weekly rehearsals. They keep us sharp and it's a chance for the band to have some fun together.

For me that's called weekly gigs. You can stay sharp, have fun, AND get paid!

I completely understand the importance of rehearsals for an original band, with writing and arranging to be done and all, but I never quite understood the concept of cover bands that proudly advertise "Practice weekly, 1-2 gigs a month". At minimum it should be the opposite. If everyone simply does their homework and learns the songs (and communicates any key changes or whatnot) there's no reason you can't show up at a gig and play a new song or 2 together that you've never done before. Keep them in the rotation and if you're a band who takes some liberties that will morph over time.

Now again this also hinges on age and experience (and personal goals), but in the case of OP who's been in the same band for 15 years, I can't even imagine that many rehearsals and so few gigs.

 

[deepestend]

Yes, this is a real possibility. Last year the BL indicated he was basically tired of playing out, but I think with the twice-a-year gig schedule he was willing to hang on. My POV is like "twice a year is hardly worth the effort"

We just play once a week (which ends up being 2x a month really) and have fun doing it. We're all deep in parenting responsibilities and gigging out just isn't fun for us right now. I mean, everyone talks about doing gigs, but the effort just isn't worth it... at least right now.

 

[Cleezmo]

For me that's called weekly gigs. You can stay sharp, have fun, AND get paid!

I completely understand the importance of rehearsals for an original band, with writing and arranging to be done and all, but I never quite understood the concept of cover bands that proudly advertise "Practice weekly, 1-2 gigs a month". At minimum it should be the opposite. If everyone simply does their homework and learns the songs (and communicates any key changes or whatnot) there's no reason you can't show up at a gig and play a new song or 2 together that you've never done before. Keep them in the rotation and if you're a band who takes some liberties that will morph over time.

Now again this also hinges on age and experience (and personal goals), but in the case of OP who's been in the same band for 15 years, I can't even imagine that many rehearsals and so few gigs.

I see both sides of this debate, and both are valid. FTR our cover band is definitely good enough that we could show up and play a couple new tunes on a gig and be fine, and we do that occasionally. We generally play out once or twice a month.

The thing is, we don't NEED to practice once a week, but we have FUN practicing once a week. We catch up, we sling jokes, we have a couple beers, and we play music. Generally we'll work on a new tune or two, or re-visit something we're adding back, but it's low key and it's fun. Don't get me wrong, we take the music seriously and will go over something until we have nailed down, but there's no rule that says we can't have fun while we're doing that. This is basically a hobby and gear money, it's not an income stream, so we don't take ourselves too seriously.

I read in a TB thread years ago that more or less said that in any given band, you can pick two of these three: money, good music, good hang. I have the latter two!

To the OP, I'm with the others saying bring it up to the band members and get their take on if the schedule can change, if they are all still as into it as you think they are, etc. Good luck!