After the birth of our daughter, our 2nd child, my wife and I decided to ensure that our offspring stayed at two. Given the complexities of the woman having major surgery, we decided that I would be the one to take on this burden.
So, the day of the procedure, I arrive at the hospital, only to find that I am not the only guy having this done today. There are 4 other guys sitting in a hallway, wearing those surgical gowns; all have the same look on their face, the look I recall staring back at me that morning, as I looked in the mirror.
After getting all the paper work completed, I find myself seated in, with this group of men. There was little to no chatter among us, we were stoic!
Suddenly a nurse come out and calls my name, I could see the look of relief fly across the other guys faces. I follow the nurse into a room that has what appears to be all the required tools to do the job.
The nurse asks me, "did you shave down there?" and takes a quick peek only to find I did not.
"No one told me to shave!" I said... hmm says the nurse, we need you shaved down there to perform the procedure...
Now at this point I'm hoping that that means I get to go home and come back another time... that thought quickly left me head as the nurse says... "no matter, I can do it up for yah"... so the nurse grabs a disposable razor and reaches down, grabs my bag, pulls straight up on it and in a couple of light speed strokes, has the job complete. "There yah go", says the nurse, just like a babies bottom. I gotta admit, I was scared and impressed at the same time. At no time in my life have I ever seen anyone with such skill with a razor. Of course, after the nurse left the room, I took a quick feel down there and sure enough, she was right! No blood and soft like a babies behind!
So now, I am awaiting the arrival of the doctor. After a few minutes, he appears, we exchange pleasantries and he begins to prepare himself for the procedure. He's at the end of the bed, looks up at me and says "have you seen Kenny?"
Who's Kenny?" I ask. Never mind he says, I'll do it myself. Moments later, the nurse returns and the doctor says "oh, there you are Kenny!" Yup, the nurse was a guy!!!!!! In all honesty, I had no idea that "Kenny" was a guy!!!!
So, the doctor sticks me with a local anesthetic and says he'll wait a few minutes for it to take hold. (I found myself reaching down frequently, if for no other reason but to enjoy what may be the last time I get to touch them, but more so as it have been so long, since the "fellas" we folic ally challenged.
So the doctor returns, asks me if I feel anything down there. I tell him that it's pretty numb down there and he says good, then we can get started. He than asks me if I mind if he puts some music on while he performs the procedure, I say go ahead!
He reaches to a boom box and .... get ready for it, he turns on the radio and the song playing at that exact moment was....
The first cut is the deepest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I look down at him, from my flat out position on the bed and say... "it f^&$ing better not be the deepest!!!!! I think I may have scared him at that point.
After a few awkward moments he says, lets begin. I did not feel the incision and actually did not actually feel anything, until he stared pulling on my uhm, fun sack trying to find my apparently well hidden tubes. Theres an ah ha moment, he seems happy, but I notice he grabbed something that looked like a soldering iron... "What you gonna do with the solder iron " I ask... "It's a laser and I'm using it to seal the tubes" which at that moment, seemed to be a good enough answer.
I then noticed smoke raising from an area of my body that technically, has no business smoking...
Me, "Am I on fire doc? "No everything is going fine, don't let the smoke bother you, it's all part of the procedure."
Side note: I get the shakes whenever I see a soldering iron, to this day!!!!
The rest of the procedure went well, well, according to the doctor it did.
I had driven myself to the hospital and had fully planned on driving myself home... did I mention that I had this done in February and that we were in the middle of an ice storm that day? Walking back to my truck, on glare ice, with a bag the size of a cantaloupe was an adventure.
Upon arriving home, my son, then two years of age, did not hesitate to slam his head into my newly acquired cantaloupe!
My wife, god love here took care of the boy, while, well, I took care of my boys... so to speak.
So, to the O.P., yah, it was an adventure for sure, but after some quick healing, the gun, now a starters pistol, is working fine!
Fishheadjoe
Hmm . . . calming drugs . . . I like the sound of that.
damn you!!
