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I'm in multiple bands. BL's getting testy about it. Advise, please.
- Thread starter Robroy
- Start date
Let me go on a different tangent, if you don't mind. Let me preface this by saying that I'm only in a P&W band and haven't been in a regular gigging band for a decade.
You mention that your priority list starts with God. Then I'd say "pray about it" first. See where God wants you. What situation will glorify Him more? Without a full story, sure, playing in a bar could give you the opportunity to share your faith; but it could be the opposite, too.
Best of luck to you; I know what it's like to be torn between two choices.
You mention that your priority list starts with God. Then I'd say "pray about it" first. See where God wants you. What situation will glorify Him more? Without a full story, sure, playing in a bar could give you the opportunity to share your faith; but it could be the opposite, too.
Best of luck to you; I know what it's like to be torn between two choices.
You make some good points, and I'm addressing them individually.
The frustrating thing about "Adult" band is tht there really isn't too much work to play in both. It's just that the Adult band is waiting way too long to schedule gigs. And when they finally do, there are too many times where I can't make it. Too many is a subjective measurement, however.
LOL, you know a reveal like this is just throwing chum to the sharks!
I'm embarrassed that I have not done that yet. Thanks. I need to pray for that BEFORE the potential "strife" tonight.
OP, I think you're on the right track. I would tell "adult band" BL that since the "family band" started booking good gigs and getting success, his band is no longer prioritized. It is first come, first served, and he needs to start booking more than 3 weeks in advance if he wants his choice of night with you. Then suggest the possibility of a sub. But in reality, it seems like you will be leaving that band. If he's already grumbling about your other bands, he just doesn't get it. *Everyone* I work with plays in more than one project, it's the only way to stay in gigs without hitting the road. To me, that's just the way it is.
And if BL starts hedging towards an ultimatum, your plan is right. Just say if he feels that way about a commitment to being available whenever he finally gets around to trying to book some dates, then he needs someone else with less going on to be the bassist in that band. I like the idea of also suggesting that he pre-pay you for nights he wants you to leave open just in case he ever gets around to booking that night.
He really can't come to you with two or three possible weekends to play a gig? I know how hard it is to book gigs, trust me, but he has to put in some more effort here.
And if BL starts hedging towards an ultimatum, your plan is right. Just say if he feels that way about a commitment to being available whenever he finally gets around to trying to book some dates, then he needs someone else with less going on to be the bassist in that band. I like the idea of also suggesting that he pre-pay you for nights he wants you to leave open just in case he ever gets around to booking that night.
He really can't come to you with two or three possible weekends to play a gig? I know how hard it is to book gigs, trust me, but he has to put in some more effort here.
Yeah. That's easy for you to say. How is he gonna come up with the $25 on his own?
Apparently? You did or you didn't tell them they are the priority. If you did, I don't blame the BL for being miffed as "first come first served" means they are not the priority.
My guess is that the adult band replaces you, sooner or later. The family band sounds like more fun and gets more gigs anyway. How does it affect you if they branch out into church music?
Could the daughter take up bass?
I'm in multiple bands. None pay enough to earn exclusive rights. It's first come, first serve. Gig requests get a yes or no, no need for explanation.
This is easy.
1. Don't play in bands with someone starting out on drums. Unless it's fun and you don't leave the house.
2. Hang a calendar in the Adult band's practice space and keep your dates marked that way he knows when your available or not.
I knew that was a turd.
1. Don't play in bands with someone starting out on drums. Unless it's fun and you don't leave the house.
2. Hang a calendar in the Adult band's practice space and keep your dates marked that way he knows when your available or not.
I knew that was a turd.
By "apparently", what I mean is that it is what the BL claims or thinks. You know, like when your kids say, "But YOU PROMISED!"
I did not record the conversation so I can't say for sure what I said, verbatum. But I know what I was trying to tell them. I told them I was working with the family band and it was starting to get gigs and I was working with another guy on originals which I didn't expect to go anywhere in the near future.
As I bounce responses here off my brain I'm thinking more and more that part of the real problem with Adult band is that they really only want to play out four or five nights a month, but are miffed whenever they have to turn down a particular date for the particular reason that I'm playing in another band. I could be gigging one Saturday a month with Family band but if every one of those gigs forced me to turn down Family band, they would feel exactly the same as they do now.
There was one cancellation that happened due to the original guitar player quitting and the new drummer came unglued. You would have thought he had lost his once in a lifetime chance to play the Grand Old Opry. No matter what, he just would not let it go. It was kinda disturbing.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
In OP, you said you told the BL that you have to be in both so you would not get bored.
In summary, you are too busy for these two bands. Do you want to play with people learning (never mind their ages). Also, you should not have to pay for a place to play unless it is a professional rehearsal studio.
Pick your fav. Prepare to sacrifice the other - before they make the decision for you.
The more I think about it, the more I hope you're right, regarding the first sentence.
Regarding the church music, that was actually why the dad and me came together in the first place. I'm all for it. And it would be a blast around these parts...
When we paid, think of the big gig in the movie LaBamba, where the brother ruined it. Sans the brother ruining it, that is what it was like. It got our name out there in spades.
In general, yes, of course. But NYE and Halloween are the High Holy days - there's an opportunity for serious players to do VERY serious work on these days, and to drop such a serious gig to play with your fun band is equivalent to passing on the festival/big name out of town opening slot to make your buddy's open mic night. Sometimes you have to take a hit so the rest of your band can succeed.
That's all well and good, provided you're upfront about that with all parties involved. Not knowing the specifics of your situation, I'm left to make assumptions based on the information you've provided. It's not fair to your bandmates to suddenly say "Actually, I'm not serious about this band" when they have been rehearsing, performing, and booking with you under the assumption that you are, especially not on a night when they stand to make big money, big connections, establish a reputation, etc. If you're not serious about the group and they are, you need to give them adequate time to decide if they're ok with that.
It actually is ok for me.
The band I put together in Seattle with two of my daughters started with a girl who had been playing drums for less than a year, though she had had "real lessons" for a few months. I worked with her diligently for about 7 months and she really picked it up fast. Very motivated.
At our first and only gig (before I moved to KY) she did fantastic. It was at Bid Daddy's in Woodinville (I understand they shut their doors). After our single set, the leader of the band that preceded us handed me a card and said to call him if we ever needed an opening act.
She is now in a band in Seattle called "Vital Signs". They're on facebook.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
How many paying gigs have you gotten directly from it? Only time I would consider doing that is if I was selling tickets, with the intent of making money. There are always places you can play for free to get exposure.
Yeah. That's easy for you to say. How is he gonna come up with the $25 on his own?
Hilarious, this is exactly why I laugh at situations like this. I'm also in multiple bands (3 plus a sub for an occasional bigger show) and some of the members have that romantic notion that a band should be like a marriage (this is how Megadeth ended up in marriage counseling - I find it ridiculous). Now, they temper their pie-in-the-sky dreams about what it means to be in a band with the economic reality that there is no such thing as easy money in the world of original underground music, but I can still feel it. My rebuttals to requests to be exclusive are legion:
1) "If I agree with you that the right thing to do is choose one band and stick with it I would have to quit EVERY band, including yours. The only moral thing to do in that case would be to form my own band and play with that exclusively. None of the bands I play with currently covers all of the musical ground that I'm interested in; there's not enough room for improvisation in your band, not enough structure in the jazz band, etc. etc. and I would stagnate."
2) Sticking with one band makes no economic sense. The most creative band makes the least amount of money so I accept the monetary attrition, but if I gave up paying gigs then I might be forced to charge for my services or start accruing resentment. In other words, "you have to hire me at an exclusive rate if it means that much to you". (This is what bandleaders like Prince or Zappa do when they need good help)
3) Bands are relationships, but I don't believe they should be exclusive relationships. We all have people and jobs in our lives that have demands on our time. We don't need 4 more people (often of the same gender) that feel entitled to make the kind of claims on us that a significant other might make. Love for music works best when it is a polyamorous love. I played a gig last Saturday with two different bands at the same venue. One point of view is that I was whoring it up with these two separate groups. I don't think that way. To me I was providing a connection and helping create an extended family. (The two drummers are even brothers) Not only that, but I strive to extend that feeling to the other bands playing that night and the persons that made a great event possible. Now the whole room is like a family reunion. I believe this is a healthier approach.
4 thru x) I have lots of selfish objections as well. Already by playing bass so much I am neglecting my abilities on upright bass and keys and other instruments that I don't use as often. I want to be free to have outlets for this, and also I want the freedom to explore all within the realms of music.
I'm the most "serious player" in Adult band. Before I came along, they were lucky to rehearse once a month. And the New Years gig they had to turn down was a "charity case" club. One of the reasons the guitar player quit was that the BL wanted to play there every month or so but the guitar player refused because the pay was so terrible (literally $20-$25 per member and a 50 minute drive).
Which brings up an important point: Having played in the Seattle area and now playing central KY, it's almost like a different planet out here. Bluntly, it doesn't pay. If you are not in it primarily because it's fun, you are going to be sorely disappointed.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
Probably - all I am saying is I would rather be the one to decide rather than them, unless you don't care.
