I'm in multiple bands. BL's getting testy about it. Advise, please.

[Robroy]

Gotta go to rehearsal. Thanks for

I've been amazed at how common this is in some circles.

Yes. That speaks to my realization that the rules are a bit different here than they were in Seattle. But even so, I've seen it as a potential future show stopper.

If I'd known that was how he played when I joined the band, I wouldn't have joined. But here I am.

 

[Robroy]

By the sounds of it, it's always going to be a problem with the adult band unless you are available to play whenever and wherever the BL chooses. From what you've written I question whether that band deserves such a commitment from you, in terms of their professionalism and the number of gigs they are likely to get. One the other hand the family band could keep you busy between the secular and church gigs.

Personally I'd rather be playing country than 50s rock and gospel. But that's just my tastes.

Yeah. This is what I'm finding myself migrating to. I'll throw out that part of the problem is that the BL is a bit of a whiner. At our rehearsal last night, one of the things I've been bringing up came to a head. It was our inability to nail the beginning of Two More Bottles of Wine. The singer wanted to go to youtube and listen to it, but he didn't. He was outvoted and when it came on, he said "that's the wrong version". I said it's the one I've been listening to since I joined the band.

Criminy, it's a long story but the bottom line is there is some sort of history about him hating that beginning, though the band can't do the one he wants reliably. And he and the singer* got into it pretty heavy. He said at least ten times that he doesn't care which version we do, but then he kept arguing that the other (which I've NEVER heard done right) was better. Things were uncomfortable after that but we easily nailed the "wrong" version.

*This female singer sings about 10% of our songs. Oh, and did I mention she is the BL's wife?

 

[Robroy]

Probably - all I am saying is I would rather be the one to decide rather than them, unless you don't care.

I really don't care. It's funny. As I'm now in my decade before I turn 70, I understand why old people are so cantankerous. They just don't care what people think about them. You get so comfortable in your own skin it really ramps up your quality of life.

I also see this life as so temporary as to be like a video game. And mine is reaching its end. I'm at the part where the bad guys are coming fast and furious from all directions and my guns are blazing, right up to where my health is flashing 1%, and then a loud groan, and "GAME OVER".

I won't need another quarter because the real world is far better than a video game.

 

[MrLenny1]

Get a sub for the Family band and gig for money with the other band.
The Classic rock band will further your playing.

 

[xgator4u]

*This female singer sings about 10% of our songs. Oh, and did I mention she is the BL's wife?

Uhhh, NO.
That bit of info was omitted.
***
Keytard can only play in C.
By any coincidence does she only sing in C ?
Or does she auto-tune to the correct pitch.

 

[Robroy]

Uhhh, NO.
That bit of info was omitted.
***
Keytard can only play in C.
By any coincidence does she only sing in C ?
Or does she auto-tune to the correct pitch.

Actually, she's a pretty good singer but doesn't want to play any instrument, even though she can strum an acoustic guitar. And the fact that they are married is really not germane to the OP. But sometimes it does affect stuff.

I finally realized, as I was playing with them last night, that they have plateaued. They will not get better. The BL is set in his ways. And some of his ways are just plain wrong, if he wants this band to get any better. There are a lot of bands in these parts that are not ready for prime time but the senior centers love them. I saw one of these groups once. The BL and lead singer kept dropping beats, and the whole band is pushing 70.

This is where this keyboard player belongs. It is probably where he will end up. This band is a dead end. I'll keep playing with them for a while, but I suspect the reality of that will eventually sink into the drummer, who will quit. He's 30 something, and pretty darned good, and can sing a ton of stuff. He really wants to play a LOT and really needs a better band. Me too, but I'm patient. And I'm in it for more than just playing music. The BL and his wife get along great with my wife and me and, truth be told, we'd like to remain friends with them. Otherwise, after reading the replies on this thread yesteday, I'd drop this band like a hot potato.

I appreciate everyone's responses and have actually implemented many of the suggestions as well as altered my perception of what's going on here. It gave me a great deal of clarity.

 

[Kragnorak]

I've been amazed at how common this is in some circles.

That is crazy sauce! I've never heard of that before - if the song has a key change do they hit the transpose button 5 times or something?

 

[Robroy]

That is crazy sauce! I've never heard of that before - if the song has a key change do they hit the transpose button 5 times or something?

The variations of skill levels in members of gigging bands in my parts vary wildly. Some of the bands I hear are so bad as to be embarassing, but people show up to see them regularly.

But I'm with you. It's crazy sauce, and if I'd known this guy did this, I'd have never joined. It's one of the reasons I see it as doomed and am now only putting in my time, still trying to do my best, but aware the band will almost certainly implode in the not too distant future.

 

[xgator4u]

The variations of skill levels in members of gigging bands in my parts vary wildly. Some of the bands I hear are so bad as to be embarassing, but people show up to see them regularly.

But I'm with you. It's crazy sauce, and if I'd known this guy did this, I'd have never joined. It's one of the reasons I see it as doomed and am now only putting in my time, still trying to do my best, but aware the band will almost certainly implode in the not too distant future.

Wow brother, WHERE are you that gigging bands can get away with this?
Except pay to play.
YOU are more patient and tolerant than JOB.
Amazing.

 

[mellowinman]

If her daddy's rich, better buy her a meal.
If her daddy's poor, just do what you feel.

 

[delta7fred]

The variations of skill levels in members of gigging bands in my parts vary wildly. Some of the bands I hear are so bad as to be embarassing, but people show up to see them regularly.

What most TBers forget is that 99% of the punters have cloth ears and the 1% that haven't aren't always listening.

E.G. I played a gig where a good friend of mine (retired London session guitarist, pit orchestra guitarist, played live on a film that you have most probably seen) was in the audience. I dropped a huge clanger and felt so embarrassed because I was sure he would have spotted it. Next time I was out hiking with him I mentioned this monumental cockup and he hadn't noticed it. He refers to the punters as Mobile Acoustic Baffles (MABs), he is not wrong, that night he was one of them!

 

[rocksmoot]

You've made it clear to all of the people concerned what you can live with, so the ball is truly in their court to decide what they'll live with. The only thing I can think to add beyond what's been suggested is that you face a possible passive/aggressive scenario in which the BL won't make the decision to let you go for a more fully committed bass player but won't stop complaining about your position. If you have any additional boundaries to draw, it would be making clear to the BL just how much of that strife you're willing to tolerate before you take your little red wagon and go home.

Other than that, it sounds to me like you've done what can be done, Robroy. Good luck!

 

[Robroy]

Wow brother, WHERE are you that gigging bands can get away with this?
Except pay to play.
YOU are more patient and tolerant than JOB.
Amazing.

Only two things in this world matter to me: My relationship with my God and my relationship with my fellow man. Everything else is just background noise and either helps or hurts those two things.

Around here I learned what a "Jamboree" is. It's a "live music bar" in a dry county. And most are child friendly, though a few are not. Those are the ones where you see a lot of people going through the door down the hall by the bathrooms because there's bootlegging going on.

 

[xgator4u]

Only two things in this world matter to me: My relationship with my God and my relationship with my fellow man. Everything else is just background noise and either helps or hurts those two things.

Around here I learned what a "Jamboree" is. It's a "live music bar" in a dry county. And most are child friendly, though a few are not. Those are the ones where you see a lot of people going through the door down the hall by the bathrooms because there's bootlegging going on.

WHERE is "around here"?
I for example am in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

 

[Robroy]

You've made it clear to all of the people concerned what you can live with, so the ball is truly in their court to decide what they'll live with. The only thing I can think to add beyond what's been suggested is that you face a possible passive/aggressive scenario in which the BL won't make the decision to let you go for a more fully committed bass player but won't stop complaining about your position. If you have any additional boundaries to draw, it would be making clear to the BL just how much of that strife you're willing to tolerate before you take your little red wagon and go home.

Other than that, it sounds to me like you've done what can be done, Robroy. Good luck!

Yeah. It's kinda what I did in the phone conversation yesterday and at the rehearsal last night. He kept saying he didn't care which version we did, but he kept going on and on about the other one was better, "but I don't care which one..." blah blah blah. I finally called him on it. He shut up.

His communication style is very passive agressive. IT's almost comical. His wife and mine have not only become friends but they now do a business together, so I won't be leaving in a huff. But I will be assertive and call out bs, which I did several times last night. And it actually went VERY well. He seems to appreciate my new, um, assertiveness.

 

[Robroy]

WHERE is "around here"?
I for example am in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Central KY. Very rural. People don't tell you what town they are from. They tell you what county they live in.

 

[Robroy]

The only thing I can think to add beyond what's been suggested is that you face a possible passive/aggressive scenario in which the BL won't make the decision to let you go for a more fully committed bass player but won't stop complaining about your position.

This is exactly how he got rid of our guitar player.

 

[xgator4u]

Central KY. Very rural. People don't tell you what town they are from. They tell you what county they live in.

WOW, RR mailing addresses and the mailman is also the police chief, captain of the volunteer fire dept, and your local plumber.
Pop. 314

I vaguely remember when some parts of Florida were like that.
Small, close knit communities are a bygone era down here.

 

[delta7fred]

Around here I learned what a "Jamboree" is. It's a "live music bar" in a dry county.

You still have "Dry counties" in the USA? :***:

(I find it ironic that there is a :***: smiley but you cannot type the acronym in a thread without it getting censored!)

 

[cnltb]

Starting a few months ago…
I am the bass player for a band (Plays 1955-65 pop/rock) that is really a home schooling project for two of the band members, a brother and sister that are 16 and 15 respectively (and the other two are their mom and dad). Dad plays guitar and mom just got a drum kit off CL and is learning drums. We practice every week and have been for about a year. Brother plays piano (classically trained, quite good) and hates the music. Sister plays rhythm guitar and likes the music somewhat. Let’s call them the “family” band.

Then we play a half hour “gig” at a senior center open mic night and they love us. We rent the same venue for a full four hour gig and actually do pretty well.

FF to now: Whenever we do a gig, the owner pulls our BL aside after the first set to find out when he can have us back.

Rewind back again…

I join a typical “classic rock and country” band (let’s call them the “adult” band) and apparently told them they would be the priority and the other band is not that big a deal. Also, we “incentivized” our guitar player to quit a month or so ago, so we’re breaking in a new guitar player. And our drummer had to go back to jail (don’t get me started…) about a month and a half ago, so we had to find a new drummer.

FF back to now: I’m booked with gigs every single Friday and Saturday until November, and I’m booked to play with the family band on New Years. Roughly 2/3 of those gigs are with the family band. The other band is now questioning my commitment to them because someone asked them to play on new years and I told them I’m previously engaged with the other band.

I’ve told both bands, since the family band started gigging, that my commitment was simply “first come, first served” regarding gig commitments. But for some reason, this no longer sits well with the adult BL. I think it may come to a head tonight at practice because in a phone call with the BL last night he kept bringing up the same arguments over and over regardless of my pointing out that I need to be in two dissimilar bands to keep from getting bored with the whole thing. Also, because both bands often play the same clubs, it is not all that uncommon to switch dates to accommodate both bands.

But about tonight: I’ve already come up with a compromise where I allow one band to book up to five nights in any one month before Telling them I need to discuss with the other band what nights they think they will want. But I don’t know where to go with this, really. Both BL’s have commented on this, but the Adult band is the one ramping it up.

And I’ve been a brick wall and have had to assert my position a little stronger than I normally do. I’m a Mr. Spock in my argument style and simply let them know that they do not gig every single weekend night and I’m free to spend those other weekends making whatever plans I want. If they happen to be with another band, that is irrelevant.
I’m wondering if anyone has any idea how to handle this that might be better than the way I’m doing it. Hence this thread.

BTW, I’ve already made a secret pact with myself: The first band to give me an ultimatum to choose which SINGLE band I will play in is the band I will quit on the spot.
Any thoughts in any direction are appreciated.

As long as you communicate clearly and well in advance when you will and will not be available I can't really see anyone reasonable having a problem with it. If they do I might start talking money.