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I'm in multiple bands. BL's getting testy about it. Advise, please.
- Thread starter Robroy
- Start date
I read the first couple pages and then skipped to the end. I'm also in two cover bands, one classic rock, one a mix of stuff but leaning towards more pop/rock (setlist has more Pink, etc.). Everybody knows I'm in two, they gig in slightly different regions (one southern end of the state, the other more mid-state) and of course are slightly different styles and very different audiences. I get a little chain-rattling from both over my being in the other, but they know the deal. As far as I'm concerned, the OP has exactly the right approach here and should stick to his guns. My principles:
Family first, job second, band third. The band doesn't get to trump family or work. Other things don't get to trump the band.
With two bands, both bands are equal. First come, first served. The band that books first gets the night, and I keep the bookers for both bands up-to-date on my blackout dates, whether they're because of the other band or family events (cousin's wedding coming up on a Friday in Septermber) or work commitments (spent a week in KS City this summer) or whatever. I don't cancel on a gig because something that pays $50 more comes along. That's a nasty way to treat people.
Being "committed" to a band means that I will do my homework to be prepared for rehearsals and practices, pay my share of any shared band expenses, and put full concentration and energy into giving a great performance whenever we have a gig. It does not mean that the band gets to devour my time outside of those rehearsals and gigs.
Either band is welcome to get a sub for any gig I can't make, and both have guys in the wings. The other guys aren't necessarily totally up to speed on everything I do but could certainly get through a gig.
They're also welcome to fire me if it reaches the point that I'm holding them back by not being available or not being prepared. Hopefully if that were happening, I would notice it and resign before they had to fire me.
The thing about saying one band is the "priority" is what that actually means when the rubber hits the road. Does it mean the "priority" band can reserve you on a night that they don't actually have a gig booked? Does it mean that you'll back out of a gig you committed to because the "priority" band got a gig after the fact? I don't consider either of those acceptable.
Family first, job second, band third. The band doesn't get to trump family or work. Other things don't get to trump the band.
With two bands, both bands are equal. First come, first served. The band that books first gets the night, and I keep the bookers for both bands up-to-date on my blackout dates, whether they're because of the other band or family events (cousin's wedding coming up on a Friday in Septermber) or work commitments (spent a week in KS City this summer) or whatever. I don't cancel on a gig because something that pays $50 more comes along. That's a nasty way to treat people.
Being "committed" to a band means that I will do my homework to be prepared for rehearsals and practices, pay my share of any shared band expenses, and put full concentration and energy into giving a great performance whenever we have a gig. It does not mean that the band gets to devour my time outside of those rehearsals and gigs.
Either band is welcome to get a sub for any gig I can't make, and both have guys in the wings. The other guys aren't necessarily totally up to speed on everything I do but could certainly get through a gig.
They're also welcome to fire me if it reaches the point that I'm holding them back by not being available or not being prepared. Hopefully if that were happening, I would notice it and resign before they had to fire me.
The thing about saying one band is the "priority" is what that actually means when the rubber hits the road. Does it mean the "priority" band can reserve you on a night that they don't actually have a gig booked? Does it mean that you'll back out of a gig you committed to because the "priority" band got a gig after the fact? I don't consider either of those acceptable.
You need to get out of the adult band, for their own good. Regardless of what you think of them (and esp. the BL), you don't take it seriously, whereas it sounds like he does. It's clear in these six pages that your focus is your imaginary friend, your wife, and possibly the partridge family band. It doesn't matter if the keyboardist in the adult band has issues or if that band ultimately implodes or not. You're not doing them any favours by playing with them "for kicks". They need someone willing to make a serious commitment, and that ain't you.
As a band leader myself of a band where we have fun regardless of the situation (paid or not paid) it is imperative to keep the other guys' projects in mind. We do get paid and well but we do originals, we do not like to saturate the town so we play once a month, sometimes take longer breaks. There is also the unpaid (or poorly paid) gig that we do wether for charity or the right type of exposure to land other high paying gigs.
I have to be conscious of the other members need to make money and have a different creative outlet. Ultimately, they more they gig with different projects, the tighter they get and the more they learn. I believe my horn section is in 3 other projects together and the cohesiveness shows.
The conflicts do exists because we do things "first come, firsts served" and communication is key. The fact of the matter is, when you join the adult band, you didn't have another serious band commitment and now you do. Repurpose your commitment and set new expectations. If one of the BL doesn't not agree with it, either find a compromise (if you want to make it work) or just make a clean break.
It also doesn't seem your goal is to make a living out of these bands (I may be wrong). If so, you're doing it for fun and if one is no fun and feels like a drag... Why do it?
If your goal was to make a living.... I'd put my money on the functional, fun band... Egos tend to crash things down.
I have to be conscious of the other members need to make money and have a different creative outlet. Ultimately, they more they gig with different projects, the tighter they get and the more they learn. I believe my horn section is in 3 other projects together and the cohesiveness shows.
The conflicts do exists because we do things "first come, firsts served" and communication is key. The fact of the matter is, when you join the adult band, you didn't have another serious band commitment and now you do. Repurpose your commitment and set new expectations. If one of the BL doesn't not agree with it, either find a compromise (if you want to make it work) or just make a clean break.
It also doesn't seem your goal is to make a living out of these bands (I may be wrong). If so, you're doing it for fun and if one is no fun and feels like a drag... Why do it?
If your goal was to make a living.... I'd put my money on the functional, fun band... Egos tend to crash things down.
I moved here from 45 years in Seattle and LOVE it. I feel like I moved to Mayberry - still after living here three years.
We had some stray cattle on our place for a couple of weeks and figured it was our neighbor's cattle. Well, our fences are not secure and eventually they strayed into our other neighbor's soy field and next thing you know the Sheriff's deputy is at our house. Turns out some cattle were stolen in a nearby town and they thought these might be the ones. Anyway, the deputy (about 25 years old) talks to my wife for a while, goes back down our 1/4 mile driveway into the valley to wait for the owner and gets bored so comes back up the hill and talks to my wife for an hour. Turns out his mom worked with my wife at Campbellsville University. And he wants to get together with us.
We love it here.
Yeah, you sound like me when I first moved here. I went to the local wal-mart and after a few minutes of searching, asked an employee, "Where are you hiding your beer around here?"
I was dumbfounded.
I bet you do.
God how I long for those days.
Now down here there are not too many places that are solid enough to walk on that does not have crap built on it.
I digress.
I now have a better understanding of your situation.
Actually, I take it more seriously than they do. Or, to be more precise, take high quality more seriously than they do. And they are in it for kicks as well. One of the problems the old guitar player had was that they didn't care how little money we make.
That comment needs a bit of clarification. Where did I mention an imaginary friend?
BTW, here's the place we picked up in two separate purchases, about two years apart: http://s409.photobucket.com/user/robbbb4/slideshow/Kentucky home
I was stuck in Texarkana for a week in the early 90s. Like it's name suggests it sits on the Texas-Arkansas state line. One side of state line road was dry, the other was not. Guess which side took more of my money.
Naw. I like both bands and enjoy the people in them. There is just this one thing (the mention of the ability to only play the piano in C was just my pointing out that there is a skill gap). Everyone in this band takes it seriously, but does it for kicks. Money and "kicks" are the two major reasons for being in a band. And nobody is in this band for anything beyond gas and snack money.
Again, the BL and his wife are personal friends of my wife and me. And I actually enjoyed rehearsal last night.
Yeah, this area is hugely baptist. We go to a baptist church. Whenever someone condescendingly mentions anyone drinking being a sinner, I ask them, "Oh, are you mormon or muslim?" It always starts a lively conversation.
The county next to mine is wet. They are much richer because of this. The schools are a completely different type of facility than the ones in my county.
