I started a side project band about 3 months ago as a way to build up some original material I've been working on and a way to get a band going with a couple of guys who I think are incredible musicians.
My cousin just moved to Tulsa and is an absolutely amazing guitarist. A guy I work with is a drummer who I didn't realize was just insanely talented until recently. I got the three of us together to jam and damned if we don't have a freakin great chemistry. It is really fun and it's the kind of band where we can pull a song out of memory and play it at a level that would be considered pretty tight with most bands I've been in.
Needless to say I'm pretty excited. We decided that instead of a power trio we wanted to bring in a lead singer. So over the last two weeks we have auditioned 4 lead singers. Let me lay these experiencs out for you...
Singer 1: 19 year old chick. She comes in with ZERO experience and with no knowledge of the songs I told her to prepare for. Can't carry a tune in a bucket. Can't project. No way she could front a band. So... thanks for comin sweetheart. See ya later.
Singer 2: Nice guy. Can in fact sing. Pretty well but not great. At least not great enough to cover the fact that he looks kinda like Hurley from LOST, and we aren't a Blues Traveler Tribute band. So, unfortunately he didn't project the kind of image that we need to fit with the three specimens of American manhood that currently make up our band (I kid, but we aren't ugly so seriously...)
On to Singer #3 - he didn't show up.
Singer #4 - We had pretty hight hopes for her. She's a little long in the tooth at 40 but came with an excellent pedigree having fronted several long running bands and a reputation for being both a great singer and energetic "hot" front woman AND a prima donna bossy bitch who has a little problem with booze.
Well, let's say she didn't disappoint on any aspect of her reputation.
She sang GREAT. She claimed to be kinda rusty but after singing "Rock n Roll" by Led Zeppelin we were impressed. She said, "Sorry guys, I'm really rusty."
I said "No really that was a very nice job."
She said, "Shut up. Don't patronize me."
****************RED FLAG # ONE*******************
Okay...... so did I mention we had a delay because our drummer had to take a business call and we had about an hour where there was nothing to do for her but hang out with some friends of ours who showed up... with a bottle of jack daniels? Yeah... auditioning for MY BAND, and she's drunk as **** before she even starts.
Well, I'm not choir boy so I didn't cut bait just yet. We sang a few more songs and were almost as impressed by her bluesy voice as we were by her HUGE BOOBS in a tight pink camisol.
So then I suggest a few songs on our current play list. First was "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." She declined, saying "Can I be honest?" Oh please, yes. Do be honest! "I don't like George Harrison. That's not a good club song. You guys should drop it."
***???? She could have a point, but holy hell the balls on this broad!
So then I suggested Mary Jane's Last Dance by Tom Petty. Well turns out she doesn't really dig the Heartbreakers all that much either. Soo.... we setteld on Machinehead by Bush.
Well, we f'in rocked this song - considering we had played it exactly one time before and that was about a month ago and it was totally by memory.
Well, about half way through she stops us by saying, "STOP! STOP! STOP GOD DAMN IT!!"
We looked at each other like... 'is dis bitch serious?' bitch was.
She then proceeded to dress down my guitar player - who by the way is one of the two or three most talented musicians I have ever in my life come across. He is a phenom.
She said, "you have to start over. You totally f'ed up that bridge which is essential to this song. In fact none of you guys were on." We were, in fact on.
This was red flags numbers two through 4 or 5 for me. I said, "You better be joking, because if you aren't, that's not very f'in cool."
At which point she realized she might have said something wrong and claimed to be "joking" and implied we just didn't get her humor.
Well anyway, the moral of this story is that we decided to add another guitar player instead of a lead singer. That way our stud guitar player can play the leads he wants to and sing most of our leads.
My cousin just moved to Tulsa and is an absolutely amazing guitarist. A guy I work with is a drummer who I didn't realize was just insanely talented until recently. I got the three of us together to jam and damned if we don't have a freakin great chemistry. It is really fun and it's the kind of band where we can pull a song out of memory and play it at a level that would be considered pretty tight with most bands I've been in.
Needless to say I'm pretty excited. We decided that instead of a power trio we wanted to bring in a lead singer. So over the last two weeks we have auditioned 4 lead singers. Let me lay these experiencs out for you...
Singer 1: 19 year old chick. She comes in with ZERO experience and with no knowledge of the songs I told her to prepare for. Can't carry a tune in a bucket. Can't project. No way she could front a band. So... thanks for comin sweetheart. See ya later.
Singer 2: Nice guy. Can in fact sing. Pretty well but not great. At least not great enough to cover the fact that he looks kinda like Hurley from LOST, and we aren't a Blues Traveler Tribute band. So, unfortunately he didn't project the kind of image that we need to fit with the three specimens of American manhood that currently make up our band (I kid, but we aren't ugly so seriously...)
On to Singer #3 - he didn't show up.
Singer #4 - We had pretty hight hopes for her. She's a little long in the tooth at 40 but came with an excellent pedigree having fronted several long running bands and a reputation for being both a great singer and energetic "hot" front woman AND a prima donna bossy bitch who has a little problem with booze.
Well, let's say she didn't disappoint on any aspect of her reputation.
She sang GREAT. She claimed to be kinda rusty but after singing "Rock n Roll" by Led Zeppelin we were impressed. She said, "Sorry guys, I'm really rusty."
I said "No really that was a very nice job."
She said, "Shut up. Don't patronize me."
****************RED FLAG # ONE*******************
Okay...... so did I mention we had a delay because our drummer had to take a business call and we had about an hour where there was nothing to do for her but hang out with some friends of ours who showed up... with a bottle of jack daniels? Yeah... auditioning for MY BAND, and she's drunk as **** before she even starts.
Well, I'm not choir boy so I didn't cut bait just yet. We sang a few more songs and were almost as impressed by her bluesy voice as we were by her HUGE BOOBS in a tight pink camisol.
So then I suggest a few songs on our current play list. First was "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." She declined, saying "Can I be honest?" Oh please, yes. Do be honest! "I don't like George Harrison. That's not a good club song. You guys should drop it."
***???? She could have a point, but holy hell the balls on this broad!
So then I suggested Mary Jane's Last Dance by Tom Petty. Well turns out she doesn't really dig the Heartbreakers all that much either. Soo.... we setteld on Machinehead by Bush.
Well, we f'in rocked this song - considering we had played it exactly one time before and that was about a month ago and it was totally by memory.
Well, about half way through she stops us by saying, "STOP! STOP! STOP GOD DAMN IT!!"
We looked at each other like... 'is dis bitch serious?' bitch was.
She then proceeded to dress down my guitar player - who by the way is one of the two or three most talented musicians I have ever in my life come across. He is a phenom.
She said, "you have to start over. You totally f'ed up that bridge which is essential to this song. In fact none of you guys were on." We were, in fact on.
This was red flags numbers two through 4 or 5 for me. I said, "You better be joking, because if you aren't, that's not very f'in cool."
At which point she realized she might have said something wrong and claimed to be "joking" and implied we just didn't get her humor.
Well anyway, the moral of this story is that we decided to add another guitar player instead of a lead singer. That way our stud guitar player can play the leads he wants to and sing most of our leads.
And kudos to you for not hiring #4 on the size of her - er, uhm, EGO. Yeah. That's it...
What hacked me off almost as much as anything was the fact that she didn't call to apologize when she sobered up.
