It's been too quiet! I need a story! A blurb! A quip! Gimme gimme gimme!
Ask and you shall receive. I'll write this in real time, just for you.
"Two Weeks to Do Whatever I Wanted"
The Cardinal Ghost Carmen and I had a rocky relationship in the beginning. We were both drunks, and she had a roving eye that she could barely keep under control. When you read my book you'll understand why I had to stay with her despite our problems.
At our Tokyo school, new teachers came and went. One day the school hired a British woman named Lynn, who looked exactly like a more voluptuous Naomi Watts. I like her immediately because she was intelligent and had an insanely twisted sense of humor, the two attributes I find most attractive in women. Carmen knew that I was attracted to Lynn. Although Carmen was jealous, she couldn't really complain because she knew I'd never act on it, and she also knew that I knew of her extracurricular activities in the beginning of our relationship but had overlooked them in the hopes that she'd grow out of them.
Carmen and I spent most of our lunches at the top of the old building where were worked, talking and gazing out the windows as we ate. Once when we saw Lynn arriving, Carmen said, "I never realized how busty she is. You can really see it when you're looking down at her from six stories up. She's gorgeous, isn't she, Tom?" And she gave me an arch, sad look.
Carmen herself was rather flat chested. I'm not a boob man; having been born and raised in Venezuela, I have more of a Latin preference. My favorite view of a woman is from behind, when she's wearing tight jeans. Carmen was a former gymnast, so she looked great from behind, in her signature tight, faded jeans. But I wasn't with her because of any part of her body. Her excellent caboose was a bonus that I appreciated but didn't require.
During the holiday season of 1989-90, Carmen went home to California for Christmas and New Year's. She'd be gone about two weeks. Before she left, she said, "You're going to spend all your time with Lynn, aren't you?" Again, said sadly and sheepishly but with a definite trace of vicarious enthusiasm. Spending two weeks with someone else was what Carmen herself would do. She was titillated by infidelity, even her own mate's, because of the naughtiness and drama. There was no question: She was giving me permission, most likely to make up for her own flings. If I did it, too, Carmen wouldn't feel so guilty about betraying me.
By 1989 the worst of the rockiness in our relationship was over and we'd settled in to the happiest extended period of my life, but Carmen could never accept that it didn't bother me that she'd had far more partners than I'd had and that I'd known of her infidelities but had forgiven her. She also didn't accept that I wouldn't do to her what she did to me. In her mind, if I cheated on her, it would take the sting out of her own adventures. "You did it, too!" she could say. So, when she left for the States right before Christmas, I had carte blanche to fool around for two weeks with a British woman who looked like Naomi Watts. If she'd have me.
After Carmen went back to California, Lynn and I started having lunch together every day. She cracked me up because all Brits are wordsmiths who love to imitate the millions of regional accents in their island kingdom. She was from Manchester, so her own natural accent--Mancunian--was like this:
(Unfortunately, it's impossible to find anyone doing anything original on YouTube. I looked for an hour to find people just talking, but it's all "challenges" and "tags," with everyone saying exactly the same thing. Morons.)
Lynn was very sarcastic. I gelled my hair in those days, and during one of our lunches she said, "Let's 'ave a feel, then," and touched my slicked-back locks. She burst into laughter.
"Oo, it's
awful, innit, Tom!" she shouted. "'Ow can ya 'ave that on yer 'ead all day? Feels like dried wood! Ah could use ya fer kindlin', coodn't Ah? Start a fire wif yer 'ead in me fireplace!"
She was hotness incarnate.
On Christmas Day, we went to a British pub in Tokyo that served a traditional Christmas dinner: roast turkey, brussels sprouts, roast potatoes, cranberry sauce, parsnips, bread sauce, chestnut stuffing, pigs in a blanket, bacon, and gravy. With Christmas Pudding doused in flaming brandy for dessert. It wards off evil spirits.
We also had Christmas Crackers, which are little paper tubes twisted at both ends. When you and your date pull at either end of the tube, they pop and a paper crown, a prize, and a joke written on a piece of paper fall out. Our prizes were a plastic mustache and a toy penguin. Lynn put on her crown and managed to look even hotter. There's something about beautiful women in silly headgear...
It was the best Christmas I ever had as an adult. The combination of the company, the food, and the sexual tension made it unforgettable.
Part 2 is next.