Hi.
It seems that it's mostly us older farts who agree with You

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Volume has almost always been a problem for me as well.
Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love to play loud, but if that means losing customers and gigs, I'd rather play quieter.
For me, it's always the customers first, THEY pay me for the entertainment I try to provide, so IMHO THEY are the ones who should set the parameters.
The majority of bands (and sound engineers for that matter) don't seem to grasp the concept of an appropriate SPL level for a given situation.
There's also not much that can be done by the sound engineer if there's just a single moron on stage that needs to crank it up.
The weakest link in a chain and all that ancient blabber.
Speaking of drummers, most drummers I know are just too lazy to learn how to play at lower volumes, but thankfully there's been exceptions to that rule as well. Most of them also "want to protect" their hearing, so they use either plugs or muffs. Or both).
They also claim that their drums sound way better if they have something stuffed into their ears. Especially the cymbals.
Sound familiar??

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Fortunately, it's the paying audience that votes who can keep on playing and who doesn't in the long run, so some folks can keep on playing as loud as they like in their caves, while the more adaptive ones get their gigs.
Win-Win situation if You ask me.
Regards
Sam