Is it ok to quit over text message?

[morgansterne]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

 

[SgtHulka]

It's a pretty wormy move IMO, especially after 4 years. Word gets around and I personally don't like to burn bridges.

 

[charlie monroe]

How about recording a short video and sending it to the members? You get to say good bye, but not have to field all of the "break up" drama.

 

[Phaenomenal]

Maybe call the drummer if he's the band leader. In my opinion, a band you've had a positive experience with deserves a more personal touch than a text.

 

[Stevorebob]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

Depends on the group’s general mode of communication. Could be okay, or maybe not so much. If you’re asking, you’ve probably answered the question. Talk in person, or if that’s not happening, schedule a Zoom meeting.

 

[Richard Lindsey]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

Well, you're asking for opinions on a public forum, so here's mine: In this situation, announcing you're quitting by texting is lazy and a bit douchey. It might be different if they'd screwed you in some way, but from what you say they didn't, so don't treat them as if they did. Call them up and talk to them like human beings, whether you "feel like" doing it or not.

 

[WI Short Scaler]

Maybe call the drummer if he's the band leader. In my opinion, a band you've had a positive experience with deserves a more personal touch than a text.

Not as easy or convenient but I'd 2nd this opinion.

 

[getbent]

We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.

I'd suggest letting this sleeping dog lay there. No gigs or rehearsals till January, drummer having surgery, older singer in bad health, ongoing pandemic, that all sounds tenuous enough. Keep working on your own music, and if they come back to you in January with an actual plan, assess it then. Maybe your thing stalls over the holidays, you don't want to be completely SOL.

How does the band communicate? Group email, texts, or phone calls? However they get in touch with you, when they get in touch about January, etc. respond to that, or just call up the BL and be honest. But I would agree that text is not a good way to bow out, too impersonal. If they can't go on without you, that's on them, not you. If it's really that crushing a blow for them, point them towards a hired gun.

 

[Guild B301]

Call them all in person. Anything less is not professional, and word will get around your local music scene. Don’t burn bridges without intending to. Leave on good terms, by being honorable.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

I’d also suggest sitting on this until January. Your situation or the band’s might change so no need to rush this to a premature conclusion.

That said, I don’t see issue with quitting by text under certain circumstances, but quitting by text with a band you’ve been with for 4 years isn’t one of them. They deserve at least a call.

 

[morgansterne]

That's a pretty solid consensus so far!

Yeah I could certainly not say anything right now, but if I do leave in January it seems rude to have strung people along.

I thought leaving now would give some of them the chance to pursue some other band. They said they're not doing -This- band without me, but some of them will likely go on to some other group.

I agree though that it is probably lame to quit over text message. I'll have to call them individually and hope nobody texts the other band members before they hear it from me personally. That would be way worse than hearing it from my own text!

 

[DWBass]

I guess I suck. I resigned by email. Really didn’t want to talk to the BL to be honest.

 

[sean_on_bass]

It's the type of thing you just have to feel out. Your gut will tell you the right answer based on your current relationship with this group of people. Personally, i would have no problem if a band member quit via text. I think it would be petty to hold something like that against you if that is how you are most comfortable communicating the news.

 

[Ggaa]

Every band personnel change I've ever been around was at least via phone call but usually in person.

 

[dalkowski]

I'll have to call them individually and hope nobody texts the other band members before they hear it from me personally. That would be way worse than hearing it from my own text!

Zoom call?

 

[bikeplate]

Why not

 

[Jaycat]

This website needs a Dear Abby forum.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

Phone calls are becoming as common as sending a telegram thanks to telemarketers. In a few years our smart phones will be available without a voice phone option. If most of you band communication is done in a group chat, maybe it makes sense. But if you'r asking if it's ok, that's usually a good sign that it's not ok.

 

[JRA]

don't quit!

cover your a$$. plan for every possibility that you could possibly take advantage of. if you're gonna do your own stuff = you need all the help you can get! do more, not less. these other guys don't have to be 'eliminated' from your experience. but their 'role' (in your experience) will change! don't limit and draw hard lines. be creative!

What do you think?

you can do both/all...if you're serious/committed. good luck!


per the OP (text thing): --- you have a history with these people! talk to the people. don't be a . be a real human being, being human. you'll thank yourself later. good luck!


edit: talking = not typing

 

[Ross W. Lovell]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

By your own accounts, these aren't bad guys yet to do so in such an impersonal would seem disrespectful.

My guess is you could meet them for a beer, Coke or pizza and tell them in person, but maybe you are worried the rest would try and convince you to stay?

Seriously, a few conversations seem to be worth a 4 year relationship?