Is it ok to quit over text message?

[SoonerBill]

Even at my age I see communication as evolving. Way back the one and only acceptable way of doing important business was face to face. Then phone or mail became acceptable. Then email became more and more acceptable. So now, why not text. Most of the correspondence I have with people anymore is by text.

 

[buldog5151bass]

At the very least, you need to call the BL. Explain how you feel, and see how he wants to make the announcement to the others. Frankly, while you aren't friends, it sounds like it is more than a cold business relationship.

 

[Plain Old Barry]

Don't laugh, I had an employee quit a $65k job she'd been at for 14 years via text.

I called her and suggested she think about it overnight and call me in the morning. She still quit...

 

[Neon Scribe]

I quit by email. We used group texts mostly, which were always messy and ephemeral, so I put it in email to be archived forever. The last “band meeting” made it clear that it was a dysfunctional family I needed to leave. A few days later the band broke up.

 

[alack]

I’ve resigned via text. Minimizes the possibility of uncomfortable conversations about “why?” As long as you’re not burning a bridge you may want to cross back over, make it easy for you.

 

[Oddly]

I'm with the personal phone call folks.
I'm wondering if this is an age thing, most of us having grown up with phones still see that as the better choice.
I've definitely seen a lot of the younger crowd on here almost terrified to actually consider speaking in person or on phone to someone rather than some form of messaging.
Go with whatever your normal method of communication is, but if your bandmates are over 50-ish, my bet is they'd appreciate a personal call.

 

[bolophonic]

I thought this was going to maybe be about bailing after a couple of jams or something. But four years?!? Man, c’mon.

 

[Acoop]

Sounds like you're scapegoating yourself. ... "I see this is what I want but, do I?" ... There are many reasons to quit a band. ... #1 you're depressed, because of whatever. ... That's your health at stake. ... Get out. ... #2 I didn't like to comment about my tone. ... Who ain't been there. ... Change it. ... It doesn't sound like this band is either #1 or #2. ... It sounds like this problem is 'you'. ... So, I say, 'quit'. ... And stop thinking about it. ... You can get grey hair and cancer from worry. ... They'll survive loosing you.

 

[lermgalieu]

I’d at least call them. In the context of the amount of time you’ve put in over 4 years, it seems a no brainer.

 

[TheReceder]

This website needs a Dear Abby forum.

Maybe a dear ABY forum...

 

[JeezyMcNuggles]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

Just call them up. At least one of them, and then send a group chat

 

[Hurricane Jimmie]

So Anyway, text and email are for cancelling rehearsals or telling the BL that you can't make a gig.
Call the BL and see how he wants everyone to be notified.

 

[LBS-bass]

Depends on how you think they’ll take it. There’s nothing wrong with texting; it can save both sides from some awkwardness. But older folks are more inclined to believe that a phone call is more personal than text, even though people have been writing resignation letters since the beginning of time.

It’s kind of up to you to decide if it’s something they’ll be upset about. It’s not something that would bother me, personally.

 

[ToneMonkey]

How many phone calls could that possibly be?

You know the right thing to do. You just don’t want to do it. Personally, I’d never play with you again.

 

[john_g]

Depends on your situation, but, our drummer essentially just quit last weekend and I wish he would have done it via text. Would have saved me a 30 minute drive up, schlepping my gear and setting up only to tear down and leave for my 30 minute drive home.

 

[morgansterne]

How many phone calls could that possibly be?

You know the right thing to do. You just don’t want to do it. Personally, I’d never play with you again.

That would be five phone calls.
I don't think of a text message notification as being disrespectful and I wouldn't mean it that way.
So not wanting to play with me ever again is a reaction that surprises me.
But honestly if I wanted to play with these folks again, I wouldn't be quitting.

 

[Cliff Colton]

Quitting will make you feel like a quitter. Is there anything you can do to make them quit?

 

[2112]

Don't be that guy, do the professional thing and call the BL. It's a brief amount of minor social discomfort, surely you can withstand that, if only as an investment going forward into your next projects. Word gets around.

 

[MDBass]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

Two things come to mind...

1. Just send a group email letting the band know where your headspace is.

This idea that anything but a phone call is unprofessional or worse is fairly silly: written communication is the most professional way to go about it ending a working partnership or business arrangement, since everything is in writing and nothing can be taken out of context or misremembered at a later date.

2. Considering the current lack of time commitment for this project, there doesn’t seem to be any hurry to quit in order to free up time for your original music.

 

[RickyT]

After 4 years with a band, that's an in person conversation to have.

Will it be fun? No.

Will you feel bad? Probably.

Would you be ok being fired via text message? I know I wouldn't, especially after 4 years playing with the same guys. I'd be pissed off if it happened via sms.