Is it ok to quit over text message?

[hdscout]

My experience with this issue:
I was in a very good 6 piece 60's-80's cover band a couple years ago. Our keyboard/guitar player walked out of practice early one night. He texted us the next day with a list of greviences to say he quit. The greviences were out of the blue. It was also four days before a gig and he ignored my texts pleading with him to wait till after the gig. Three weeks later, he wanted to be butthurt that I wouldn't be a pal and help him load up his gear when he finally came to get it from my music room.
Don't be that guy!

 

[lfmn16]

I feel sick to my stomach with guilt about ending this band. You really think I haven't pulled the trigger on this because I'm "too busy?"

You tell me what this sounds like

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving

 

[LBS-bass]

My experience with this issue:
I was in a very good 6 piece 60's-80's cover band a couple years ago. Our keyboard/guitar player walked out of practice early one night. He texted us the next day with a list of greviences to say he quit. The greviences were out of the blue. It was also four days before a gig and he ignored my texts pleading with him to wait till after the gig. Three weeks later, he wanted to be butthurt that I wouldn't be a pal and help him load up his gear when he finally came to get it from my music room.
Don't be that guy!

Hahaha, that guy was just a d*ck. Has nothing to do with sending a text other than sending a text after he was a d*ck to everyone also happened. I don't think the OP is planning to do anything like this.

 

[bottomzone]

Don't do it. Keep it professional. You never know what the future holds.

 

[Aceman]

It's been almost a week. OP, did you quit?

He may have quit TB!

This didn't go the way he expected I think....

 

[HMZ]

I would say it’s fine as long as you are sure you never want to play with them again. Who cares you’re quitting.

 

[Aceman]

Absolutely not. What a waste of THEIR time. If I ask to stop by their house, or call them all for a meeting "but don't bring your instruments," they'll know I'm quitting anyway.
Plus, face to face conversations ARE LITERALLY KILLING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
I'm calling Saturday when I will have the whole afternoon free for phone conversations.

Oh....Let's take these things one-by-one....Let me provide a little (or a lot) of perspective here.

What a waste of THEIR time. If I ask to stop by their house, or call them all for a meeting "but don't bring your instruments," they'll know I'm quitting anyway.

This has been addressed. Having everyone take time, and energy, to get in a room for the purpose of saying goodbye is ONE approach that is personal. There are multiple other that have been described. You don't have to inconvenience people to be polite courteous and professional.

Plus, face to face conversations ARE LITERALLY KILLING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.

First - no one said it couldn't be done politely, personally, and courteously other than in person.
Second, If you have not had your vitamin D levels checked, are not taking prophylaxis such as Hydroxy, or Quercetin/Zinc, and are not using N95 masks exclusively (one time per mask) and haven't been trained, and have not been checked for key risk factors (by age group, weight, cardio/pulmonary issues, diabetes, and a few other things)...then lets don't go there. Since went all caps on us, please refer to me by my proper name. I'm Dr. Aceman. If you want to be schooled about this meet me via PM and bring an apple. You'll get schooled.
This is a weak argument because it assumes face to face has to be done. If you feel that way you can be in band AFTER the CDC says it is ok. They never will. Just be done with music with other people then.

Seriously - I want to know hold you are and how many bands you have been in. You seriously sound like an immature young adult. If you are under 25, and this is like your second band or something...OK. Then I suggest you listen to the avalanche of information from people who are over 50 and have been in 25 bands. You could learn something. And I'm still claiming that the times have changed and not ruling out quitting by text. But seriously - if you going electronic, send a decent email/letter at least explaining it.

If you are over 35 - then honestly...you might want to really reflect on things here. If you are an adult - you do what you need to do, and while considerate of others you don't let that hold you back. You and your family first, then every one thing else. Do what you need to do, and don't apologize. But no where does that excuse rudeness, which unfortunately seems now to be defined as unpleasant things that happen to you -= not things you do to others.

 

[Aceman]

I feel sick to my stomach with guilt about ending this band. You really think I haven't pulled the trigger on this because I'm "too busy?"

And this goes along with my previous post. Wow - really? Is this the Morgensterne Band?

Here is a lesson that again - you need to learn, which makes me think you are <25 or have a lot of emotional growing up to do.

If YOU end the band is over? Here is another dose of reality - There is someone, in fact multiple someones, out there that that plays better, sings better, and is easier to get along with than you.

It makes you sick to your stomach? Seriously? Is this placing the big opening spot on the Def Lepp/Motley Crue/Posion tour position in jeopardy? are these guys professionals and you just put someone out of work?

The only thing that will "end" this band is the remaining members choosing to quit. And, based on "FACE TO FACE CAN LITERALLY KILL" comment - it sounds like they should have no problem taking the time to find that person. If they decide to muster on they can find a new person, change the set list, step up their vocals, find a backup singer, get a TC Helicon vocal processor. I can go on all day. But wow - let's make it all about you.

If you have family personal / reasons that you don't want to or feel you can't do this band thing anymore (Covid or whatever) good for you. Be an adult, make your decision, and do the courteous thing. And if you REALLY are the glue holding this fragile delicate musical endeavor together - that's even more reason to do things that way.

Stop being a drama queen self-indulgent child, and be a courteous, professional, adult, who can do what they believe is right, and do it in a way that is the least painful/confusing/upsetting for all involved.

Man - I know that is harsh, but seriously. Get a grip. There is another problem our world has evolved into; Not telling people about reality when they are doing their damnedest to ignore it because it might hurt their feelings. Sometimes your feeling hurt because you are doing the wrong thing. This is one of those times. The EASY way to feel better is to do the right thing. And their are nearly 20 pages of everyone telling you what that is. Yet you are still arguing with them instead of saying "Yeah everyone - I hear you. It seems pretty clear the best thing for me to do is..."

 

[TH63]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

After 4 years I think in person is best.

 

[Fuzzbass]

Absolutely not. What a waste of THEIR time. If I ask to stop by their house, or call them all for a meeting "but don't bring your instruments," they'll know I'm quitting anyway.
Plus, face to face conversations ARE LITERALLY KILLING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
I'm calling Saturday when I will have the whole afternoon free for phone conversations.

Agree on all points. Pre-pandemic I was a busy semi-pro, have been gigging for decades. In short, I'd be really pissed to show up to a rehearsal/meeting just to hear that someone's quitting. Same's true if it's me getting replaced. Call me or text me -- either is fine, just DO NOT waste my time by dragging me to a meeting if the announcement is the only purpose of that meeting.

Actually, for a long time, I haven't had to worry about "being in the band". Doesn't matter to me whether I'm the primary or the sub. I sometimes don't know who my bandmates will be from gig to gig. It isn't totally impersonal, in fact I'm friends with some of my bandmates/BLs, but here's the bottom line: either I get called for gigs, or I don't.



P.S. I acknowledge that there are situations where band members are "besties" and feelings will be hurt. As I mentioned previously I don't do those, so the only advice I have is... good luck with that.