Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Is it ok to quit over text message?
- Thread starter morgansterne
- Start date
- Status
I agree with JRA and Getbent.
Just continue with what you do. It seems like you have a good thing going with the existing band and some opportunities ahead as well. Do both. At some point you'll know that a decision has to be taken. Or by the cover band itself (like you mentioned) Or by you, as you need more time to grow in the new project. It is hard for me to believe that this past year, any band situation was clear for anyone. I mean, we hardly had any playing time at all. And I can imagine a lot of bands are going true this. Bigger and smaller.
I have also had my doubts about continuing in the first wave. And now I am very glad I stuck to it.
If you deicide to quit, at least give the cover band some time to find some one else. Like a few months or so. And don't go cold turkey on them. Just wait until you guys come back to play again, and have a beer and talk about you concerns with them.
Just continue with what you do. It seems like you have a good thing going with the existing band and some opportunities ahead as well. Do both. At some point you'll know that a decision has to be taken. Or by the cover band itself (like you mentioned) Or by you, as you need more time to grow in the new project. It is hard for me to believe that this past year, any band situation was clear for anyone. I mean, we hardly had any playing time at all. And I can imagine a lot of bands are going true this. Bigger and smaller.
I have also had my doubts about continuing in the first wave. And now I am very glad I stuck to it.
If you deicide to quit, at least give the cover band some time to find some one else. Like a few months or so. And don't go cold turkey on them. Just wait until you guys come back to play again, and have a beer and talk about you concerns with them.
If they had been poopy to you or done something horrible then no texting would be fine. But since that is not the case just man up and call them and tell them the truth. After four years you owe them that.
A band is a family. Breaking up with a text message is not a great way to end things! You'll have better results and be able to continue friendships if you do it in person or video chat. Just my opinion!! Good luck!
A band is a family. Quitting with a text message will only mess with friendships! My advice, do it in person or with video chat. You'll feel better & probably save friends! Good luck!!
The "fold the band if you leave" is emotional blackmail, and shouldn't affect the decision to stay or go. Everyone has the right to do what's best for themselves.
But what I haven't seen mentioned (though I probably missed it) is if the OP enjoys the gigs. If he likes the gigs and the guys, then becoming a gig only band could work.
OP says that these are good guys. I'd sit down over a beer with the bandleader or entire band (when that's possible) and tell him/them what's going on in my life. That during Covid I've taken the opportunity to work on my own music, and want to focus on gigging that. That I don't want to see this band fold, but I won' t have the time to spend on the band like I used to. That I'm willing to gig (if OP is) our current set list. And I'm willing to help break in a new bassist.
But what I haven't seen mentioned (though I probably missed it) is if the OP enjoys the gigs. If he likes the gigs and the guys, then becoming a gig only band could work.
OP says that these are good guys. I'd sit down over a beer with the bandleader or entire band (when that's possible) and tell him/them what's going on in my life. That during Covid I've taken the opportunity to work on my own music, and want to focus on gigging that. That I don't want to see this band fold, but I won' t have the time to spend on the band like I used to. That I'm willing to gig (if OP is) our current set list. And I'm willing to help break in a new bassist.
If you quit via text, there's a barometer for that sort of thing.
I visit drum discussion sites now and then and at some point, I'd probably see a post that said: "Our bassist just quit via text. What do you guys think?"
You get to imagine what the responses would be like, and you get to decide if that discussion ever happens or not.
I have a hard time envisioning a response that said "Awesome move, good for him, we need a bassist, can you send me his contact info?"
I visit drum discussion sites now and then and at some point, I'd probably see a post that said: "Our bassist just quit via text. What do you guys think?"
You get to imagine what the responses would be like, and you get to decide if that discussion ever happens or not.
I have a hard time envisioning a response that said "Awesome move, good for him, we need a bassist, can you send me his contact info?"
You spent more time typing this post and reading replys that it would have taken to make the calls. Just do it.
Dude, you spent more time typing your post and reading the replies than it would have taken to make the calls. You're making it too hard.......just make the calls.
You’ve rehearsed together as a band, performed together as a band. Your leaving is also a band issue. You should call them together as a band and break the news to them together, face to face, in person. It’s the only right thing to do, IMO.
Absolutely not. What a waste of THEIR time. If I ask to stop by their house, or call them all for a meeting "but don't bring your instruments," they'll know I'm quitting anyway.
Plus, face to face conversations ARE LITERALLY KILLING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
I'm calling Saturday when I will have the whole afternoon free for phone conversations.
I feel sick to my stomach with guilt about ending this band. You really think I haven't pulled the trigger on this because I'm "too busy?"
No no no. As painful as it is, you'll need to say goodbye to each of them and thank them for the great company and music playing for those years. Keep up the friendship for one day you might get together again playing your all-original songs.
- Status
