Is it ok to quit over text message?

[sean_on_bass]

Can someone explain why they would be offended if a member quit via text rather than a phone call? I think some folks truly don't see the difference between receiving lines of text vs speaking to a human voice. Which is kind of sad, but a sign of the times. I am old enough to still call people when i need to share important news. I still have phone conversations with people sometimes. To me, you can express much more with the human voice than text, but it is also an exercise in vulnerability.

Here's my take on this particular situation. I would call the band leader ONLY to give the news of quitting. Calling every member would be too exhausting for an introvert like myself. You can talk to the BL about how to tell the other members, or let him/her do it. I would call because this BL has likely booked alot of gigs for me over the years and invested in me in some way. After that much time, we are likely friends at this point, regardless of the fact that we don't spend time together outside of band activities. Since so much goodwill has been extended my way from this relationship, it makes sense that i should give this person the respect of a real conversation regarding departure. This gives a chance to talk through why I am quitting and avoid any wrong assumptions. This also gives me a chance to thank the BL for all they've done for me over the years, which is bound to end the conversation on a positive note.

 

[Jay2U]

Let each band member vote by mail...

 

[lyonaudio]

...i have original music I would like to promote...

Can't you talk to the others about introducing some of your original music (and theirs).
The Beatles started out as a cover band...

 

[Sonicfrog]

In my experience, the medium you use to leave isn't as important as what you say. Be gracious, kind, and thankful of your experience. I'm betting they probably know or at least suspect you're ready to move on.

 

[Scott Lynch]

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

Put yourself in their shoes for a moment. How would you feel getting a text like this after 4 years of playing together?

It's about more than just making a decision about your future. It's a character statement, too - which, coincidentally, is also a decision you're making about your future.

 

[john_g]

This opinion might not be popular, but I think too many people treat bands like marriages, and unless it's everyone's full-time gig which pays the bills, I don't see the point of making a big to-do about quitting. Sounds like the band you're talking about is a hobby cover band. Absolutely nothing wrong with that -- that's my current band situation -- and it's just not that serious. I've had a few personnel changes (people leaving and me letting people go), including someone who quit via text. Didn't bother me at all.

You just have to do what feels right to you.

This. There is no one "right" way to quit. As far as Im concerned, if you are quitting my band, I dont care HOW you do it. Again, our drummer just quit and I was pissed I spent time and gas money to drive up to do nothing. Would have much rather he did it via text or phone and saved me the effort. I dont think more of him because he "manned up and did it in person". I wouldnt think less of him if he did it via text. He quit is all I care about, not how i received the message.

And, it is nothing like being in a romantic relationship either. There were times when I was young, playing originals in bands and those bands were together all the time. It felt closer and like really good friends than any of the cover bands Ive played in when i got older, but it still wasnt anything like my relationship with my wife.

 

[MG Wolf]

I guess I suck. I resigned by email. Really didn’t want to talk to the BL to be honest.

Me too, in lieu of grappling with a psychopath.

Whatever you decide OP, remember the "high road" is the new f u

 

[micguy]

Be a class act ... call them.

I agree. If you were auditioning for my band, and I found out you quit a previous band via text.....

Next!

 

[aprod]

In the year 2020 it is perfectly acceptable to quit by text.

 

[MeLikeBass]

Doesn't matter to me if a band mate quits via text, email, phone call, bull horn at the top of a water tower, w/e. If we were friends before, we'll still be friends, it changes nothing. What would make a difference is timing. If you quit before a gig and leave us with no time to find a sub, then we have a problem.

 

[DJ Bebop]

Is it ok to quit over text message?

Is it ok to get fired over text message?

 

[lbbc]

I would call the BL and give notice and reason for wanting to move on. The BL can handle the rest.

 

[bobba66]

I would just show up wasted and do a bunch of embarrassing stuff. That will probably solve your problem.

 

[waynobass]

It wouldn't hurt to wait and see what happens in January.

 

[Nev375]

People have all sorts of opinions about what's ok. Some are offended if you do it by text others are offended if you don't.

The fact that you've been with these guys FOUR YEARS and you don't know is what I can't figure out.


Personally, I would prefer a phone call. Tone does not translate over text and you don't want them assuming things.

 

[CoffeeLove]

I've been with this band 4 years. 6-piece classic rock outfit. I'm just ready to move on. It's gotten a bit stale and i have original music I would like to promote next year.
We had a few gigs even during covid but the drummer (bandleader more or less) is having surgery. No gigs or rehearsals till January. Our lead singer is 64 and not in great health. I don't know how much longer he'll be up to gigging.
We don't really socialize together but the drummer and guitar player have been generous in various ways.

They have told me before that if I quit, they would fold the band for good. "We could do it without you, but it wouldn't be fun without you."

I don't have to quit. I know promoting my own music will not be a money making venture and I could use the cover band money to pay original music band members. I just don't know if I'll feel like spreading my time so thin. I'm in another cover band that just started up again after a few years off.

Anyway I don't feel like calling up each of the band members individually to tell them I'm leaving, but a text message seems pretty impersonal. What do you think?

I would agree with waiting until January. It might end anyway depending on everyone's health, and since the crew is not rehearsing regularly it should not matter. You also might have 2nd thoughts if your night finding as much fulfillment with the "originals" work as you were hoping. My 2 cents

 

[electracoyote]

It sounds like the last four years have been a fairly positive band experience. Text is too brief and impersonal. Either a blanket e-mail, or a phone call to one trusted member and let him spread the sad news. They all deserve a positive farewell from you. You never know when you may cross paths with one of these folks again. Make it a good goodbye.

 

[80jazz]

I wouldn`t leave that way. You can also think of it as the last time you have to have contact with any of them.

I agree with others to try and avoid burning bridges as much as you can.

 

[Manticore]

No.

 

[ToneMonkey]

OP has already spent more time on this thread than it would have taken to simply call 5 other people. I know certain temperaments just really hate confrontation. I get that, but it kind of comes with life. We all need to grow in those areas where we aren't naturally gifted.

I did once quit by email. Primarily because I wanted to set lay out my reasons exactly the way I wanted to, and email is better at that sort of thing than text. I did follow up with a phone call to each of the members. I called two; one called me before I could call him. And the issues weren't exactly a surprise to anyone involved, except the new bassist. I had to reassure him that he wasn't the reason (he wasn't).