It's not about "accepted chord progressions", it's about getting your head out of the book and LISTENING to what everybody else is playing. Likewise it's not about "over substituting" it's about making a decision about what to play that is not based on the musical situation you are in.
Don't play with the band in your head, play with the one that's on the stand with you. We make music together.
That's a lovely sentiment. It's too bad that the guitarists and keyboardists who scream out bizarre, unmusical changes across the stage in the middle of the song, who STOP playing or get totally lost of you play a ii chord instead of a IV chord, who are ready to blow a gasket because you're not reading their mind on every substitution - it's too bad that they don't share this grand vision.
I'm all about playing by ear. In fact, I do gigs that are nothing BUT free improv - walk onstage and play.
But the truth is, in my experience, the amount of lead players who have "big ears" AND are willing/able to "listen and respond" on ANY scene is shockingly low. It sounds to me like the only thing a lot of guitar/piano/sax guys listen to is themselves.
So if I'm playing a gig with some didactic "substitution monster", I'd at least like to know the progression we're referencing before I succumb to an evening of "guess the root". I can work with (or am expected to work with) whatever they throw at me, but the reverse isn't usually true. That's where a good reference like a lead sheet is a godsend.