• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join freeLog in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Jive and Maki's Guide to Enjoying College

First off, choose somewhat wisely. If the chick looks like a crack addict, then don't put your johnson in it. Yes, this is a form of profiling. Profiling is necessary when your johnson is involved. However, there are two types of chicks that are generally safe (notice I say generally - there are always exceptions) - Asian chicks and fat chicks. Asian chicks tend to be studious, and often haven't really explored their sexual side too much before college. (Let's take a moment while Maki daydreams about this for a little while). Ah, good times. Anyway, Asian chicks are generally a beautiful untapped resource. Fat chicks, well, fat chicks are the chicks nobody wants, so in a sense they are also clean. Asian chicks are what you hook up with sober, fat chicks are what you hook up with when you get too drunk. A caveat, These are the extremes of Maki's spectrum. You're personal spectrum might be a little different. All other chicks fall between these two extremes.

So let's say, you've eliminated the crack whores out of the crowd, and you've managed to talk your way up to the point of entry. Make sure you wear a jimmy. Yes. Slow down. Stop. Put a jimmy on. I like to have the chick do it. I've found some very skilled girls in this department, especially when they put it on with no hands. ;). Personally, if it's going to happen, I like to tear the condom package before we get started. This makes the application of said condom much easier. Nothing worse that wrestling with a stubborn condom package when your hands are all slick with the girl you're about to score with. Suddenly you're frustrated and sometimes, if your drunk your johnson might lose interest in the whole prospect and go to sleep before you do. Just take care of that first tear before you get started. As soon as you start kissing the chick, tear the condom package. Put it in your pocket. Even if you don't score and get to use it, so what? You've wasted a condom. No big deal. They're disposable. Most colleges give them away for free at the health center. Grab a handful as you walk by. Nobody likes using them, but it beats not having sex at all.

Second. NEVER finish inside a chick. This can be fun. Get creative on where you unload. A well placed money shot is well... money. This is a practice I carried well into my married life. In fact, I'm surprised that my wife got pregnant considering. Before any of you wisecrackers start making comments, yes, I'm 100 percent positive that my son is mine. When you are done, take a hearty pee, and make sure you watch the condom go down the toilet. It's rare, but there are pyscho chicks out there that might pick it out of the toilet and use it's contents to trap for child support. Tom Lykos recommends carry tabasco sauce for this very occasion, but I think watching the condom disappear down the toilet is sufficient.

But most of all remember, quantity over quality. It's all quality in college. Lower your standards and marvel at all the possibilities.


Gross, on a number of levels.

It wasn't that long ago that I was in college and at that time, I (and most friends/people my age) tended to despise unsolicited advice about college from anyone older than us, especially when this sage advice consisted of the maudlin, exaggerated retellings of his "glory days".
 
Maki, I've got a question for you. Let's say there's you, in college, happy as a clam, blah blah, tons of game, and you meet a super cute (asian) girl who you totally hit it off with. Would you rather go out with her (and get laid multiple times a day, multiple times a week) or play the pool and try and meet hookups?

Path of least resistance. Hit is as often as you can. Other stuff that falls in your lap is just gravy.
 
Maki, care to share your tips for avoiding STDs and/or unplanned pregnancies while in college?

Gross, on a number of levels.

It wasn't that long ago that I was in college and at that time, I (and most friends/people my age) tended to despise unsolicited advice about college from anyone older than us, especially when this sage advice consisted of the maudlin, exaggerated retellings of his "glory days".

Unsolicited? :eyebrow: You asked. I gave you my answer. As far as "gross" goes. Meh, I can live with that.
 
So if you had a steady girlfriend then all this gamin' would be unnecessary. Yeah?

I wouldn't go out of my way to maintain a chick either. Hit whatever you can when you have the opportunity. If this chick is always over at your house giving up the lovin', then hit it. But if you happen to be out somewhere, and find that there's another chick that you can tap, hit that too.
 
Best thing I did in college for controlling my time was to get a 3 month calendar (quarter system). Pencil in all the due dates for everything and work backwards scheduling my reading, researching, writing and studying time. You always know where you're at as far as time goes and can schedule your fun time as well.
 
Money tips

- Seek every source for financial aid as possible. In addition to standard sources from your FAF, consider every possible source. Go to the financial aid office at your school. Research on the internet for scholarships. Talk to your employers, or your parent's employers to see if there is a financial aid available. Talk to whatever club, organization, etc. they are involved with and see what you can muster up. You never know where you might find aid. And once you're in college, don't give up the search. You can still qualify for additional financial aid once you're already in school, and sometimes you have a better chance to get them. Make sure you do all your paperwork properly, and submit them on time. Better yet, submit them early.

- Consider your major before you take out that loan. I've seen this mistake countless times. A student takes out a huge loan towards a degree that won't allow them to get a job that can pay off that loan. It's one thing to take out a $80,000 loan towards being a doctor, but it's another thing to take out that same loan to be a basket weaver making $20K a year. Now, if you really want to do basket weaving and think you can make a go of it, then consider more inexpensive ways of getting an education as well as saving up money so that you are not accruing interest while making a name for yourself and getting on your feet in the real world.

- See if you can get student loan deferrment or forgiveness through service after college. Americorp, Peace Corps, VISTA, can give you loan repayment for a year or more of service. There are also teaching opportunities in rural and impoverished areas that will offer student loan deferrent or repayment. The same goes for the medial and legal field as well. Also, the federal government has a student loan repayment program to help retain employees.

- A credit card is not free money. The credit card companies are not dumb. By getting students in when they are young, they can make a lifetime of interest from them. You will have to pay the credit card company back, and the last thing you want is a terrible credit rating when you come out of college. It will affect you ability to buy big ticket items such as a car, or house and it can affect your ability to get certain jobs (i.e. jobs that require a high security clearance). If you have to use the card, pay it back as soon as you can. Have a plan in hand for how you will pay it back when you do use it.

- Use your meal plan. You paid for it, so you may as well use it. Take an item back to your room if you can. The food is better for you than the dollar menu, and you get more of it. The cost of a meal plan is cheaper than an equivalent of eating out or buying groceries.

- Take into account the additional expense when living off cmapus before doing it. Getting your own pad is great, but it costs more. You will spend more money on cleaning materials, TP, paper towels,utilties, groceries, etc. So consider that when budgeting for that apartment of yours.

- Make a budget. There are two ways to do this. First is to take an account of what you are spending on for the month, break them up into various categories such as gas, utilities, etc., and then assess what you are overspending on. The second method is to begin with how much money you get a month, and then divvy it up among the various categories. If you find that you are having a shortfall every month, then figure out a way to either spend less money or make more of it.

- Put a little bit of money away regularly. Even if it's just a buck, get in the habit of saving a little of your money every month/week/whatever. Emergencies come up, and it's better to tap into those funds than to take out an interest bearing loan or making the call of shame back home. Also, you get in the habit of saving, which will serve you well after college. Spend your money and have a good time, just have a little left over for more fun later.

- Spread out your spending. Most of your spending happens at the beginning of the school year. I was on scholarship, and money came to me in the form of a check at the beginning of each semester, so that's how I spent it. But, I found that if you spread things out, you can save some money. Buying used books is easier to do early, since they aren't likely to run out. But, if you can buy things as you need them as opposed to all at once you can save. Students drop out and give stuff away. You may find a friend who will sell you a book cheap. You may drop a course, and find you don't need that book anymore. There may be a sale on stuff later. There's many reasons to defer a purchase, but sometimes it isn't practical. But if you can do it. You get better cash flow, and more money to use for stuff you hadn't thought of early in the year. For example, money spent on that Lava lamp in September would have come in useful when I needed to replace the alternator in my car in October.

- Get a job. It doesn't have to be a full time job, just one to get some cash flowing. Not only for the cash, but for the work experience which is becoming more and more important than the degree you end up with. Consider starting your own business, since you'll have more free time and energy to do it in college than probably any other time in your life.

- Make friends and trade favors. The more friends you have, the more opportunities you have to buck the system and save some dough. I had a good friend who worked at a pizza place, and every week or so we'd get a burnt pizza or a bad order. Another friend of ours was a model for RJ Reynolds, and we got free Winstons and lighters. Barter services and goods. I wrote a paper for someone who fixed my car, and sold my notes for a couple of pizzas. The list of these types of things go on and on, and without them college would have made me more broke and have less fun.

I now want to get a degree in how to be Korean.
 
This should be bumped.

All I can add so far (that has not already been said), if you go to a party and plan on getting wasted, ask the host if you can safely crash there before you start. That way you know if you have a limit, or if you can go all out. But DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!!! A DUI is bad, but an accident is much much worse.
 
I'd like to share a few things I learned the hard way (engineering content).

1. Attending the local Christian fellowship is NOT a good place to meet girls. The moral standards are REALLY high, and difficult to break.

2. Engineering isn't hard at all. The same principles are used OVER & OVER again. Chemical engineering is ALL mass & energy balances, just with different applications. Get your work done ASAP (It took me until grad school to learn this), and that leaves time for other stuff. Don't wait until the night before your project is due to go to the computer lab. It will be packed, you'll be tired, and have to spend all night trying to figure out some computer program that the smarter kids did a week ago, during the day.

3. If you're slightly overweight, college is a GREAT time to lose it. You just have to learn some self-control, which really isn't that difficult. I didn't do this & when I graduated, I looked like a pregnant lady in my cap & gown.

4. Delivery driver at a local pizza place - a hippie place is even better. The folks who work there throw GREAT parties - MUCH better than frats. You get to learn the geography of the community, which helps when stumbling home at night. Plus, working late at night means drunk chicks.

5. Minimize the stuff you take to school - you don't need a full car-load of stuff. It makes your room smaller.

6. Chose your roommates carefully. My roommate for 3 years was a guy who watched TV ALL THE TIME. I had to study in the basement of the dorm, the engineering building, and the library (better options, yes).

7. Have a system for "knocking" on your door. Even though my door was usually unlocked while we were in there, I always made it a point to loudly inset the key and unlock it. This saved both me and also my roommate several times (alone + high speed internet = ...)

8. Find the places that have beer specials. 22oz for $2 isn't bad. If you have a slow delivery night, a total of $10 in tips means you can still get ripped.

9. Don't smoke a pipe in public. I did all through school, and constantly got comments from girls on how I reminded them of their grandfather, or their uncle. Ouch. Save this for your study times on the park bench or long drives by yourself. No one cares that your tobacco is a fine Virginia cavendish or a harsh English Latakia.

10. Use your free time to maintain a reputation as a bassist, including opening your mind to new types of music. I didn't, and had 4 years of dead-time as a working bassist. If no one knows you, how can you land a gig that plays the local college bars?

Hope this helps. I didn't follow most of these rules back in school, so hopefully someone else can learn from my mistakes.
 
Tips for moving in

- Get a hand cart, dolly, whatever you call them. Not only will it help make moving in easier, you can use it to help out cuties of the opposite sex as well as obtain favors like beer from the same sex. Plus, you can use it to move your bass gear. Use the hand cart to your favor.

- Don't buy fridges, rugs, etc from the school. They are usually low quality and overpriced. Check Craigslist and FreeCycle (Invalid Link Removed) to see what you can get for free to furnish your new college pad. At the end of the school year, you can dumpster dive and find plenty of useful stuff from students who don't want to hassle with bringing stuff home.

- You usually bring back more than you brought with you, so consider that for your vehicle when moving.

- If you're sharing a dorm, talk to your room-mate before you move in to talk about living arrangements as well as who is bringing what. No need to bring more than you need. I lucked out in that my room-mate was a total partier like me, and we had a blast until the fool had to flunk out.

- Bring a fan. It comes in handy for a number of things from keeping you cool to controlling obnoxious odors.

- The first couple of days are some of the best for partying. At my school, the first couple days had parties going on from Greek row to the pond behind the dorms. Nobody knows each other, so just get out there. You're all in the same boat. And if they are all wasted, nobody cares.
 
I have a strong feeling that it wouldn't be the same for guys our age.

And that may be a good thing. Maybe we'd get our butts kicked in pickup basketball, but in terms of other things, we may have the edge.

- We know our limits. So while the kids are puking on themselves and passing out in bathrooms, we're be cool cucumbers ready to share our maturity and experience.

- We're old enough to buy beer. Nothing else needs to be said.

- We probably have some cash, which gives us an edge over most students. Anyone looking for a sugar daddy?

- We can talk about what it was like back in the day to the kids who are trying to recreate what it's like back in the day. "Like, OMG, you actually saw Journey live?"

- We have no parents to answer to.


I'm kinda liking the idea of going back to school. Only downside is that I'll have to run it by the wife.
 

Latest posts