Lazy Bandmate

[BassDad1964]

The fact that he had a stroke won't matter when it gets to the point where it just doesn't matter. Talk with him. One on one. Message should be: We want you to continue to play with us. You want to continue as well so you need to learn the tunes man.

 

[Yellow Bang66]

Hello, I’ve been playing with these guys for about two and a half years. Early on our guitar player never knew his parts but it really no big deal because we were just getting together to play songs. This guy was never prepared, never listened to the songs we were set to play nor the tempo or the words he was supposed to sing. Fast forward two years and we are a paid gigging band. In order to keep everybody on the same page we send out sheet music accompanied with music in the correct key for the singer for our next weekly rehearsal. This guy still shows up unprepared. Upon confrontation his excuse is he doesn’t want to practice band songs during the week but wants to play his own music. So the band played a few songs he wanted to play. He didn’t know the words, tempo or leads which was all he wanted to do. Now he just had a stroke and the band is his only reason to get out of bed. Any ideas?

Ugh! tough decision had a drummer request or add songs to the setlist saying he got the requests online, problem was he resisted learning any songs including the set list, made it hard at rehearsals! his excuse was he was too busy, but he could only listen to the songs! it bugged me cause he used his social media to promote the band,so it made him the de facto BL, and all FB comments were taken very seriously! "we gotta do this song, its been requested a lot!"Hated that had to go over stuff during rehearsal time! I had a meeting with the Lead guitarist and quit the band after a gig inicident. we couldnt figure out how to motivate our lazy, delusional drummer! of course he didnt have a clue! although I say Communication is key to a good working relationship. unfortunately, He was in denial, and couldnt bear to hear any criticism!!! & it was time for me to go.

 

[TexasHeat]

There are two sides to bands; the fun part where you hang with your friends doing something you enjoy, and the business side where you have a service to offer and try to be as professional as possible. If the GP is a friend and a fun hang, it's difficult to kick him to the curb even if he's not pulling is weight. Which means the rest of the band is pulling his weight for him. That don't work and it stresses the friendships.

If he's your friend, you want to keep him around. My suggestion is to let him come to practices to play and jam, but find another GP to do the gigs. Set that expectation up front.

 

[Loopy3]

Victim mentality, and now with a whole new angle on it, that's hard to deal with. HE has a problem and is projecting it on you. And generally it won't ever change. Either you do or you don't, either way you'll have to live with your decision. Do you want to enable him and end up with poor performance, so you feel bad, or you don't, and you still feel bad. (Even though you shouldn't, but it doesn't work that way.)

After going through this on occasion over the years, in my old age I finally stopped tolerating people doing that to me. I stopped being their victim's victim. It's far better to have a little lingering angst than to have to deal with it every day. Make the decision on how it affects you, not him. IMHO, YMMV, good luck.

Best advice. Thanks