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Let's spread some musical misinformation

#2,582
Smooth Jazz can be sanded with 800grit diamond paper.

It won't make it any smoother but it's something to do on a Thursday night when there's nothing on the box.

If you have time left over you can polish it with Pledge.........that should take you up to bedtime......

or you can boil your bass strings.........don't forget a pinch of salt.......
 
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#2,585
Few know how James Jamerson got into bass playing.

He was on a hotair-balloon trip in Wisconsin one sunny afternoon with some friends enjoying the view from an altitude of 1700 ft.

As luck would have it a commercial jet flew overhead much higher with a shipment of Fender basses on it.

The cargo door was not completely shut and a Fender Precision worked it's way loose and fell from the plane, falling to the ground. But instead of being smashed to pieces it hit a trampoline in a Wisconsin resident's back yard and was immediately catapulted back up into the skies , landing in Jamerson's gondola.

The balloon trip was cancelled immediately on his request so he could get back to earth and start practising....
 
#2,589
The first Blues song was composed and published by Big Ticket "Num Nums' Jefferson in 1761.
Since then every single Blues song ever written has been plagiarized,lifted,ripped-off, copied or modified from his song.

The song title was " Jus' Gimme Mamma's Chitlin's"

Big Ticket Jefferson's family-line descendants have now launched a class-action suit against everyone that ever published or recorded a Blues song in the amount of $861 billion dollars U.S., claiming that any works that came after his song were in fact piracy.

Winston Jefferson (an uncle and currently living in Australia) said last week:- "It's not really about the money......we just feel that Big Ticket should get the recognition he deserves".
 
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#2,593
The best tape for playing metal is double-sided carpet tape.

The entire bass is not wrapped.....just the strings.

You carefully coil-wrap each string for it's full length. This gives you a better "pull" for finger style.

Bill Wyman was the first bass player to do this.....and the technique was so successful the Rolling Stones named the entire album "Sticky Fingers" after it.
 
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#2,595
How To Sing Like Early-Career Robert Plant:-

Materials Required:-

Nose Plugs
Pair of jockey briefs that are 2 sizes too small
Recording of Led Zeppelin's "Rock 'n' Roll
Girlfriend or assistant

(1) Have recording ready to go

(2) Put nose plugs in both nostrils

(3) Put on jockey briefs

(4) Grasp each cheek of your face with the thumb and forefinger of each hand.......you want to be able to control oscillation and vibrato while singing by moving these in and out quickly in a sort of "flutter" motion as it were........

(5) Now have your girlfriend or assistant give you an uber-mega-wedgie.......that's right, tight as they can get it......

(6) And......have them hit the play button for "Rock 'n' Roll" so you can sing along learning all the intricate vocal nuances.....

(7) After a couple of minutes your girlfriend or assistant will have left....so you'll need to extract yourself from the underwear when you're finished.
 
#2,596
Not all bass players are failed guitarists....bass-playing people come from all walks of life where they failed at what they were doing.

Failed politicians and neurosurgeons always go for a stand-up bass.

Failed male hairdressers and interior decoraters tend to like keyboard synth bass.

Failed boomer hippies that went corporate always prefer the Mexican jumbo-guitar acoustic bass.

Failed airport traffic controllers prefer the Gibson SG.

Failed bus drivers like a Warmoth.

Failed construction workers love the Squier Affinity.

Failed teachers always buy RockBand with their first bass.
 
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#2,598
In the dark ages people believed that very low notes were the domain of Lucifer. Later, in Spain people were killed by the inquisition for producing notes lower than a 55 Hz A. Bassists didn't exist, they were exterminated. Nowadays all notes may be played. We know better, low frequencies don't call evil powers... or... The unfortunate who didn't tune their instrument correctly may accidentally produce a note between E5 and F5. 666 is the number of vibrations per second, 666 is the number of... :lock:
 
#2,600
If you back a hot singer-babe you will achieve success much more quickly than being in a Blues band...

Unless you're married or have a girlfriend........in which case you'll never hear the end of it........

You can stall them off a bit by promising to teach them how to play bass but make sure you tune their bass to Eflat/B/E/Aflat.........

That way whenever they play anything you can go " No,no,no.....no that's not how I showed you....keep working on it...it'll come to you...believe me"
 
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