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Love isn't for all, right ?

#22
Sorry to tell you, but that one's history.

Women make up their mind in the first split-second of seeing you. I don't know if it is social conditioning or phernomes alerting her to immune system (in)compatibilities, but something happens. Once that switch (Yes/No) is thrown, there is no resetting it, ever. You can't "win" it by any means, though you can lose it easy enough with things like bad hygene.

That can make long-distance/internet relationships difficult because their expectations don't always match up with their physical reaction when the first f2f happens.

The girl worth falling in love with is the one that reacts to you that way. The best relationships happen by suprise. Make yourself available, meet people, do interesting things around other interesting people. When you meet "her", she will make it obvious that her "switch" flicked to Yes.
 
#23
You're only 29. I was alone for a long time. I got married at 38, and had my first child at 40, my second this summer at 43. Be patient. She will come along - probably when you aren't looking.
 
#26
JulienJeff said:
who's Maki ?
TB's psychologist ? :D
Click to expand...

JulienJeff said:
it looks like I don't spend enought time here :D
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Do you see the connection?


If she's not into you the way you're into her, you need to cut your losses and find someone else. The best you'll get out of her at this point is maybe a rebound fling while she's sorting herself out from the divorce, but don't count on it being the kind of relationship you want from her. If you're okay with a short-term poke-fest, and the opportunity presents itself, by all means go for it. Just don't make it into something it's not.
 
#29
JulienJeff said:
yes, I know that. that's what hurts.
But she wasn't clearly stating "I don't want you, get off".
She just said that she's not ready and that for the moment she lives on a day by day basis...
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I suggest you move on. A week is really fast to fall in love with someone, especially over the internet (not that it doesnt happen though). But, it seems to me, that she's showing signs of uninterest, or maybe she sees you more as a friend right now. Youre her shoulder to cry on after her recent seperation, a friend. She's already put you in the friend zone. Move on.
 
#30
yeah man, sorry. I spent the first 18 years of my life in the friend zone, you're there. She may seem perfect now, in 6 months, you'll laugh at this thread, HARD. Keep ya chin up, and remember, it's not like you just got divorced. This whole experience has been one for learning, with no net loss to you. I've had very similar experiences, and yes, it hurts. What's important is that your real-life friends are about to keep your mind off of this lady. Perhaps you and your friends should spend a night on the town? Find a nice local hangout, have a few drinks, unwind, brother. I know you're not me, and I can NEVER promote escape drinking, as it is a terrible, terrible first step towards total ruin. For me, however, some smoke and drink always cleared the blues right up. But, I'm not a regular drinker, and I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE!!!!!!!
 
#31
JulienJeff said:
I think Im' not a lucky guy.

(sorry, my post may be a bit long...)

Recently, I met a girl (via internet). We started to discuss together. The feeling was good from the very first second. First, we discussed for 5 minutes then, 5 minutes there. But since last week, it is hours every day. I feel close to her ; we love all the same things, we laugh at the same things, etc.

But the problem is that she says she's not ready for anything right now. She got separated 2 months ago (like me, actually) and she's getting divorced...

I don't get it. I mean, ok I can understand she still doesn't know what she clearly wants, since her separation is recent. But we have such great times discussing together that I don't understand she doesn't want to "try"... we saw each other at a small concert last saturday. We spent a really nice time. Actually, it was perfect. you know, those moments where you feel 100% yourself. I've not often in my life met someone I'm so comfortable with. There is no any moment where I think "what am I going to say now ?"...

And now, she closes the door and says that she has too many things to care about and has no time for a "story"...
I told her I can be patient and wait for her to be ready. It didn't work. I don't get it since I know she will not be single eternally...

What's happening ? I don't understand girls (I'm sure I'm not the only one ;) )

The thing is that this is the third time in my life that such a thing happen: I fall in love with a girl ; the feeling is quite good and so on, but the girl doesn't want me...
I've had two serious (several years) stories until now and it wasn't with any of those 3 girls. I've recently come to realize that I spent years with girls I didn't really love. stupid, hu ?
What I know now is that I don't want that kind of life anymore. I want to be with someone special to me. Someone like the girls I recently met.. God, she's perfect...

What do you guys think ?
Should I forget her ? Should I be patient and see what happens ?
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Sounds like she picked up on the fact that you like her too much, which kills the thrill of the chase for her...Never let them know your interested in anything but getting her pants off until you've gotten her pants off. Sad but true.
 
#35
The best way to find love is to not look for it at all. It will come to you when the time is right. I got out of a horrible relationship, ending in divorce, and was seriously committed to never having another relationship again. 4 months later I was head over heels for a gorgeous girl who felt the same way about me. We've been together, happily, ever since. As of next Friday we will have been together for a year.
 
#36
You did all the nice guy moves, it seems. You gave her all of your time and attention "for free", and she doesn't feel she has to give anything back.

If the first time she said "not now", you had answered something like "fine, see you when you're ready" and gone away, you probably would have kept your chances. If you've been waiting for a while telling her you'll be there until she's ready, she won't ever be ready.

Date other girls. It sounds weird, but it'll serve two things:
- You might just get over her and meet another awesome girl who won't mess around with you (in person, maybe?)
- If you do come out of one or a few relationships thinking she's still *the* girl for you, your total lack of interest will have done a lot for your cause in her head.
 
#40
L-A said:
You did all the nice guy moves, it seems. You gave her all of your time and attention "for free", and she doesn't feel she has to give anything back.

If the first time she said "not now", you had answered something like "fine, see you when you're ready" and gone away, you probably would have kept your chances. If you've been waiting for a while telling her you'll be there until she's ready, she won't ever be ready.

Date other girls. It sounds weird, but it'll serve two things:
- You might just get over her and meet another awesome girl who won't mess around with you (in person, maybe?)
- If you do come out of one or a few relationships thinking she's still *the* girl for you, your total lack of interest will have done a lot for your cause in her head.
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*chest swells with pride* Looks like I schooled some folks well. *sniff* *sniff* almost brings a tear to my eye I'm so proud.

Guess my work is done here. :D
 

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