Pfft. I'm not talking about feelings. I'm talking about getting laid. The two are not related.
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Love problems - pouring my feelings out
- Thread starter TheInsane
- Start date
Pfft. I'm not talking about feelings. I'm talking about getting laid. The two are not related.
You dodged a bullet. Count your lucky stars, go out and meet some new women closer to home.
If she didn't want you she's not worth pining over. You can't make someone feel about you what you feel about them.
My wifes older, but 10 years is a lot. When your 40 she'll be fifty and not to sound callous, but she won't be looking so hot then, and you'll probably still be very verile.
If she didn't want you she's not worth pining over. You can't make someone feel about you what you feel about them.
My wifes older, but 10 years is a lot. When your 40 she'll be fifty and not to sound callous, but she won't be looking so hot then, and you'll probably still be very verile.
Well about the first part of your post I guess I will know how things turn out. maybe this was for the best.
As for the second part the age difference was never ever a problem for us. Not in mentality, looks or any other department. So what is shes 50 when Im 40 its still 10 years. If I could love her even though she was older than me now when age means a little bit more why not later on when age isnt such a big factor anymore. Older people usually dont have such a problem with age difference as younger people do. I think its easier to be 40 and have a GF/wife whos 50 than it is to be 21 and have a gf that is 31 (which I had). And also shes damn hot and I dont see me not thinking that years from now (despite not being in a relationship with her).
Trust me my young friend when it comes to women it always turns out for the best 
I always looked at it like this. If she doesnt want me and wants someone or someone else @@@@ her!! Really hate to be crude but man its the truth. You cant make someone love you that doesnt want to or cant feel it no more...why should you crawl around hopin and wishin when the ships sailed on.
Take it from those who have burned been burned and wonder what if...move on and lift you head and find some tail....oh ya take Maki's advice...he's on his game
I always looked at it like this. If she doesnt want me and wants someone or someone else @@@@ her!! Really hate to be crude but man its the truth. You cant make someone love you that doesnt want to or cant feel it no more...why should you crawl around hopin and wishin when the ships sailed on.Take it from those who have burned been burned and wonder what if...move on and lift you head and find some tail....oh ya take Maki's advice...he's on his game
Delete her name from your MSN list, your cell phone list, etc. IMMEDIATELY. You've got to make a clean break here.
Yup.
When I went through my 2nd real bad breakup, I holed up inside myself for 4-5 months. I was busy, working full-time 45 hours a week, plus taking 21-hour semesters, plus playing in a band on weekends. I dreaded going home. My worst days were when I would see her pop online. Or, be going through my phone book on my phone and seeing her name and number. I deleted all references to her. A few years later, I was happily going on with my life, dating my new GF, now wife, when I got an email from her. She wasn't doing too well, and asked me for a place to stay. I sent her an email back telling her not to bother coming to me for help. She took it hard, but it felt good. I won that day.
Looking back on things through my life, I wished things had been different at times, but I'm glad they are as they are now. You'll get through, and eventually hit yourself in the forehead with your shoe and say "DUH! What was I THINKING???"
Laying it down feels so good. Especially when the old cow is in a spot of bother!
I was very upset when she told me she was engaged. I sent a pretty bad letter to her. Or at least I thought it was pretty bad. I was angry and sad and felt betrayed even though I knew we werent together. I told her I didnt want anything to do with her and that i wished her "a nice life".
However I changed my mind a night when I woke up in the middle of the night and couldnt sleep and asked for forgiveness and she accepted and said something along the lines that she knew we were friends at heart. I also called her but that was when we started arguing again.
Now cutting all ties is really hard and I dont know if I can do it or if its necessary. You really think it is? Its so har because I have not only lost my GF but also my very best friend ever. I have never had someone who I could tell anything before and someone that could trust me in a similar way.
And of course its now 06:22 AM over here and the mornings are the absolutely worst time. As soon as I wake up I feel like crap. Also right after work but yesterday I managed to not feel so bad after work. I think coming back here and writing my feelings down has helped me in that regard. Did everyone else with similar problems also have certain times during the day that were worse than other times. As it stands now Im most often happiest while asleep. I dream alot after all this (or actually I remember alot of what I dream now) and the thingis I dont dream of her and I wake up knowing at least I had a good sleep. Naturally I go to bed earlier than I used to just as an escape from the world and the negativity I tend to weave around me.
However I changed my mind a night when I woke up in the middle of the night and couldnt sleep and asked for forgiveness and she accepted and said something along the lines that she knew we were friends at heart. I also called her but that was when we started arguing again.
Now cutting all ties is really hard and I dont know if I can do it or if its necessary. You really think it is? Its so har because I have not only lost my GF but also my very best friend ever. I have never had someone who I could tell anything before and someone that could trust me in a similar way.
And of course its now 06:22 AM over here and the mornings are the absolutely worst time. As soon as I wake up I feel like crap. Also right after work but yesterday I managed to not feel so bad after work. I think coming back here and writing my feelings down has helped me in that regard. Did everyone else with similar problems also have certain times during the day that were worse than other times. As it stands now Im most often happiest while asleep. I dream alot after all this (or actually I remember alot of what I dream now) and the thingis I dont dream of her and I wake up knowing at least I had a good sleep. Naturally I go to bed earlier than I used to just as an escape from the world and the negativity I tend to weave around me.
Look man i hate to say it but alot of Tber's on here have givin you advise but i feel no matter what is said you are going to wear your heart on your sleeve for as long as you want, need or have too. People break up ...leave fall out of love etc...yea it sucks but its really not the end of the world. Why do you want to end it all or act like your whole damn world is ending after you and her were already split and she found someone else. Its obvious her feeling for you are not enough to give a rats @ss what your going thou so why should you sulk and mope around like this?
Get up go out or get busy and quit sulking over her .End this or it might end you.There are lots of women who you can have fun with till the right one comes along and when she does you will forget about this last one quick.
Hey my ex took my house i built, my band account,my kids...i have not seen my 1 daughter in over 5 years due to her mother turning her away from me..talk about misery and pain brother...shes my oldest daughter my flesh and blood.I lost all my belonging my tractor most of my clothes personal things etc and had to move into my parents home till i got back on my feet. Today i am remarried to a great gal with a stepson another 3 yr old daughter and a nice home.Life has a way of rewarding those who deserve it and work hard...most of the time that is.
Get up get out and quit trying to live in the past. She made her choices and moved on let her and you do the same.
Get up go out or get busy and quit sulking over her .End this or it might end you.There are lots of women who you can have fun with till the right one comes along and when she does you will forget about this last one quick.
Hey my ex took my house i built, my band account,my kids...i have not seen my 1 daughter in over 5 years due to her mother turning her away from me..talk about misery and pain brother...shes my oldest daughter my flesh and blood.I lost all my belonging my tractor most of my clothes personal things etc and had to move into my parents home till i got back on my feet. Today i am remarried to a great gal with a stepson another 3 yr old daughter and a nice home.Life has a way of rewarding those who deserve it and work hard...most of the time that is.
Get up get out and quit trying to live in the past. She made her choices and moved on let her and you do the same.
I think it is possible to continue being friends but you will need to heal firsts and that takes time. I am always tempted to get back in touch with my ex. We communicated all the time through myspace, but a point in time came when all I felt was like a stalker. It also killed me to realize that she was having fun and experiencing all the things that she couldn't with me in the picture. After a while there came a point where I realized that my life was the where it was supposed to be. I had friends that accepted me for who I was, and a loving new girlfriend. Life isn't so bad. The ex and I communicate every once and a while, and I can handle it. Things are normal feeling again.
It is hard to think about that your ex may be enjoying life without you in it.That is how it goes though. Also it is hard to think what an ex may be doing with another man, but the fact of the matter is; that isn't any of your (or my) business.
To what disenchant says about helping others. I never thought of that; but that is great advice and a great way to make yourself feel good, take your mind off of things. It also would be a great way to meet people. Doing this shows a side of caring and tenderness, and that my will appeal to the type of woman I'm gathering you may be into. Do it for yourself first though, and see what rewards may come your way.
I still think that you cannot forget about yourself. A compromise maybe; between the two. Having that internal dialogue is the way we figure things out. I'm not suggesting that you do any of these things in order to make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex. I suggest these things because they help you be more self confident. Women respond to confidence. Getting some tail whether it is casual or not will help you to move on. There is nothing like the reassurance that you are attractive to the opposite sex.
It is hard to think about that your ex may be enjoying life without you in it.That is how it goes though. Also it is hard to think what an ex may be doing with another man, but the fact of the matter is; that isn't any of your (or my) business.
To what disenchant says about helping others. I never thought of that; but that is great advice and a great way to make yourself feel good, take your mind off of things. It also would be a great way to meet people. Doing this shows a side of caring and tenderness, and that my will appeal to the type of woman I'm gathering you may be into. Do it for yourself first though, and see what rewards may come your way.
I still think that you cannot forget about yourself. A compromise maybe; between the two. Having that internal dialogue is the way we figure things out. I'm not suggesting that you do any of these things in order to make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex. I suggest these things because they help you be more self confident. Women respond to confidence. Getting some tail whether it is casual or not will help you to move on. There is nothing like the reassurance that you are attractive to the opposite sex.
Now is not like I want to feel bad about it I just do. Writing here has actually created a great output for my feelings and it has helped in my recovery. I guess there are alot of different factors playing in why I react like I do and I wont go into any theories I have as to why. All I know is that I need to keep going somehow.
Yeah it really is. Actually not so much the "private stuff" but more that they plan to get married and plan to have kids. I have been telling myself it would be me for so long that its really hard to seperate ones ideas and old plans from what is really happening in the world. I used to imagine how proud my ex would be when she was pregnant and all those kind of things. Dreams that were "true" in my head for so long that suddenly wont happen. Its hard.
Funny thing is yeaterday I spoke to a co-worker about the differences between "self-esteem" and "self confidence". I dont know if the difference is the same in english as in swedish but the first is more passive and inwards and satisfaction and confidence in oneself. The second is more active and more about showing confidence to the outer world. As I said I dont know if the distinction between the terms is valid in english as they are in swedish but I know all to well that I have a good amoun of one (the invards confidence, knowing myself and what I want etc) but very much lack most charachteristics of actually showing it to other people. That of course is a problem because I know I like confident women and they like confident men and not alot of people take the time to look for whats inside until after a period of time (me included even though I am a person one may have to know for a while to really get and understand).
Okay so I read this thread yesterday. Sure enough the members here are extremely nice and understanding. Their words should help comfort you. However TheInsane I wanted to share my view on this.
Now I kind of understand where you are coming from. I am under the impression this was your "first love." Sure enough those breakups hurt and seem to stay with you the longest. The main thing you neeed to remember though is, its all pointless man. If you are going to get upset cause a girl left you and she has moved on, well....go get laid
I have been through this situation. My "first love" was when I was back in high school. I met her in 10th grade and we have dated off and on for over 4 years now. It has been a lot of good times and bad. Tons of arguments and great sex. To this day I still think about her, however I refuse to let her get me down. You just have to remember things will change, you will move on and find someone new. Just gotta give it some time man. Besides the sex relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be. Constantly having to make sure your signifigant other is happy, and you aren't doing anything they dislike. Not to mention the arguments! Have you ever gotten into a petty little argument that you never thought was possible? Well guess what they are when you are in a relationship.
Here is an example:
(this is true too)
It was my graduation party and my "first love" was there of course. Now I am sure we were dateing, I could be wrong. Anyway that is besides the point. I was out front of my house hanging out with a few friends and I was smoking a black and mild. Sure enough this girl I've been mentioning (my "first love") came out and saw me smoking a black and mild. These were her words and I quote! "Seeing you smoke that black and mild was like seeing you kiss another girl."
Sure enough that moronic statement of hers fuled a huge fight between us. Since then we have still been bickering back and forth from time to time. We eventually got back together after awhile but this was short lived. The last time we broke up (a good solid 6 months or so ago) was because I am a "drug addict" and other bull-**** excuses on her end.
So anyway, sorry for such a long post. It can basically be summed up with a few words.
Man up, stop worring about it and move on. You will bounce back, and the next girl you meet will probably blow the other one out of the water. Trust me. I've seen it happen first hand.
Now I kind of understand where you are coming from. I am under the impression this was your "first love." Sure enough those breakups hurt and seem to stay with you the longest. The main thing you neeed to remember though is, its all pointless man. If you are going to get upset cause a girl left you and she has moved on, well....go get laid
I have been through this situation. My "first love" was when I was back in high school. I met her in 10th grade and we have dated off and on for over 4 years now. It has been a lot of good times and bad. Tons of arguments and great sex. To this day I still think about her, however I refuse to let her get me down. You just have to remember things will change, you will move on and find someone new. Just gotta give it some time man. Besides the sex relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be. Constantly having to make sure your signifigant other is happy, and you aren't doing anything they dislike. Not to mention the arguments! Have you ever gotten into a petty little argument that you never thought was possible? Well guess what they are when you are in a relationship.
Here is an example:
(this is true too)
It was my graduation party and my "first love" was there of course. Now I am sure we were dateing, I could be wrong. Anyway that is besides the point. I was out front of my house hanging out with a few friends and I was smoking a black and mild. Sure enough this girl I've been mentioning (my "first love") came out and saw me smoking a black and mild. These were her words and I quote! "Seeing you smoke that black and mild was like seeing you kiss another girl."
Sure enough that moronic statement of hers fuled a huge fight between us. Since then we have still been bickering back and forth from time to time. We eventually got back together after awhile but this was short lived. The last time we broke up (a good solid 6 months or so ago) was because I am a "drug addict" and other bull-**** excuses on her end.
So anyway, sorry for such a long post. It can basically be summed up with a few words.
Man up, stop worring about it and move on. You will bounce back, and the next girl you meet will probably blow the other one out of the water. Trust me. I've seen it happen first hand.
Now I kind of understand where you are coming from. I am under the impression this was your "first love." Sure enough those breakups hurt and seem to stay with you the longest. The main thing you neeed to remember though is, its all pointless man. If you are going to get upset cause a girl left you and she has moved on, well....go get laid
Well, yeah she was probably my first love. I have liked girls before but never to that extent. Partly because I never entered a relationship so no love could actually grow other than a special attraction or fondness of the girl in question.
While I never had a huge problem with not doing anything she disliked I have been in arguments with her over seemingly nothing. Just stuff based on misconceptions and other weird things. But in the end I am, or at least was, willing to take those negative things if I could at the same time have all the great moments we usually shared together. One has to take the good with the bad. No relationship is perfect.
No worried about long posts, I like em.
You know I really hope I bounce back stronger than before and I feel that Im on the way of getting back to a better life after some time of pretty bad depression. Im doing the best I can to bounce back and this, the writing on talkbass, has been great for me so far.
And I really hope you're all right when you say that when I meet a new girl she will blow my ex outof the water. Of course I cant see it like that now but I hope you're right on that one. At least then I will know my ex wasnt right for me and I could actually let the love for her go.
Now, I would never ever do that. I need to respect her privacy (not having guys drooling over a pic of her). Thats not very classy.
Hey buddy, try living living with someone for 10 years and having three children with her and then getting dumped by her.
Pain? You don't know pain.
It's taken me a few years but I'm getting over it. Time really does heal all wounds, no reason to remove yourself from the gene pool yet.
Meanwhile, I think the best advice regarding this situation can be found Link Removed.
Pain? You don't know pain.
It's taken me a few years but I'm getting over it. Time really does heal all wounds, no reason to remove yourself from the gene pool yet.
Meanwhile, I think the best advice regarding this situation can be found Link Removed.
Hey buddy, try living living with someone for 10 years and having three children with her and then getting dumped by her.
Pain? You don't know pain.
It's taken me a few years but I'm getting over it. Time really does heal all wounds, no reason to remove yourself from the gene pool yet.
Now I dont doubt others have felt way more pain than I have. However it doesnt matter. The argumentation is stupid. Kind of like "you dont know hunger until you've experienced what those poor african children experience every day".
It really doesnt matter that much if one is right in the middle of what, as far as the individual is concerned, is more pain than he or she has experienced before. It will still suck even if others have experienced alot more pain. However, as I have seen with discussing things here, actually talking to people who have similar experiences is very much valuable for my recovery. I think I have needed dialogue more than anything else.
Well Insane. Your handle does speak for you in this situation. (Don't take offense man. I am just trying to make some jokes to cheer you up) I know it's your first love, but trust me it will not be your only. Like I said I have had this "first love" experience. I am still going through it. We are always putting each other through crap. Just recently we started talking again (we do this all the time. talk off and on) and sure enough things started to go down hill. She has been too "busy" to hang out an all. So trying to respect that I am leaving her alone.
She texted me twice last night. I never responded. I can be a jerk, however it helps me get through situations like this. Mostly with her though.
See here is where I disagree. However my experiences play a part of this. My "first love" who claims that I am the man of her dreams an all hates a few habits of mine that I love. I refuse to stop or change for anyone besides myself. Also I know no relationship is perfect, they all have their flaws and all need their arguments. At least like you said you let the good out weigh the bad.
Good
Don't worry man, you will bounce back stronger. Remember the saying. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. These are just some trials you have to go through your whole life. Getting yourself into a deep bad depression about a girl is one of the worse things you do. Everything reminds you of them, you begin to smell their sent everywhere. It sucks man. I know. However that is why you need to keep your mind occupied. Write, play your bass, hang out with friends, like I already said GET LAID! ha ha. It will help a bit...
Again, trust me man. You will meet a new girl. She will be awesome. However don't go specifically looking for that girl, also don't size up other potential girls to your last one. If you do, you will never find what you are looking for and you could let a perfect match for you slip right through your fingers.
But just be happy that it ended before it got too serious to where it would hurt even more...
Well, I wouldnt stop doing anything truly important to me for a girl. One has to draw the line somewhere and if a girl tries to change me into another person then one wonders why she would even ant to be with me. However relationships are about compromise so one has to be flexible to some degree.
Yeah, it does suck but then again when I am rational I always think that for one to truly enjoy joy itself one has to experience sorrow and all that comes with it. Without the other the one is nothing. Ever seen a coin with just one side?
And yeah, alot of things do remind me of her. Just sitting down in front of the pc makes me think of her since alot of our contact was computer based.
Or it could have been really great but I will probably never know.
I do know I cant go out and actually look for "the one". I think very few people actually find what they are looking for using that method. Of course I somehow need to get out there and meet people. I just gotta find a way of doing it where Im comfortable enough.
I have recently found myself getting lost in my own world of fantasies (not a uncommon thing in my world). I am going to Coventry this summer (unrelated to this girl) but we did speak of seeing eachother (post-break up but pre-engagement). Today I found myself making up a whole scenario on what we would say to eachother and what we would do together if we did meet up during that weekend (which as things are now probably wont happen).
And I have also been more and more comfortable with the thought of if it were meant to be (I hate to put it that way) eventually I will know so in the meantime I need to get on with my life. Naturally my imagination started to carry me away again with all the "what ifs". I know I have to stop that eventually but the good thing is that the sadness isnt as great and doesnt come over me as often as it did a few days ago.
Like I said, time will heal you.
Find a new hobby or concentrate more on your current ones. Or concentrate on your career / education. Don't get caught up in looking for love to replace the hole in your heart. That hole has to heal on its own. Only then will you be ready to fall in love again for real.
In the meantime, take Maki's advice and F all the girls you can without getting emotionally involved.
Find a new hobby or concentrate more on your current ones. Or concentrate on your career / education. Don't get caught up in looking for love to replace the hole in your heart. That hole has to heal on its own. Only then will you be ready to fall in love again for real.
In the meantime, take Maki's advice and F all the girls you can without getting emotionally involved.
