Now I know this board isnt about this kind of stuff but I have a need to pour my heart out. First off Im feeling really confused and I experience a rollercoaster of feelings every day. Unfortunately most of these feelings are in the range of being confused, being angry, sometimes relieved but most foten terrible sadness. I have been with this fantastic english girl two seperate times in serious relationships. Because I live in sweden its been a long distance thing. On top of that I was born in 1983 and she was born in 1973. However the age-difference was never a big deal. In my eyes things ended between us in december last year. Thats when she told me she had found someone else and that she hadnt been feeling something going on between us. Now two months later she's actually engaged to him and it just crushed my heart. The break-up was hard enough. She also claims she hadnt been regarding me as her boyfriend for the past year or so while I thought we were together but it was on ice for the time being. Now she's 34 and I know she wants to have children and she obviously needs to act on it but I was so set on being that guy. Somewhere along the line something obviously went wrong. Now when its all so real with her actually being engaged to another man I feel terrible. Of course Im afraid she has rushed things because of her age and because shes newly in love but mostly because its not me anymore its someone else. I feel like crap and I dont know what to do about it. Alot of times I am so depressed Im actually scared of what I might do. I have a good friend to talk to but I cant let him take on all my problems and I feel like I need to write things off as well. On top of everything this girl has been my very best friend. I've never ever had someone I could talk to about anything at any time and I really dont want to loose that but we've been arguing for the past week or so and even when I tried to make peace we started to argue about the past. The thing is I really love her alot and I have such a hard time letting her go and I dont know what I can do. For now I have decided to not speak to her until her birthday (in May). I think the storm might have passed by then and maybe we can speak again. Unless she contacts me of course. Deep inside of me I really want to be the one for her and me holding on to that is probably what makes me feel so bad now. I cant let go. So if you made it throught all that I wanna hear advice or stories how you made it through a similar situation. Because right now I really feel like I have no good reason to live. My life is in most other regards pretty good but somehow it doesnt seem to matter anymore. I guess its all about that thing they call being unhappily in love. I really want to get on with my life but I keep failing at finding a way out of all this and Im scared that I wont find my way out.