Midlife Crisis

[Fuzzbass]

fwiw, i believe you are sincere. i believe you are pretty selfish too.

I have doubts about sincere, but I am sure about selfish.

To the OP: if you want to be a stud and play the field, then be a real man and tell your g/f. Let her decide if she wants to stay in an open relationship. If you play the field behind her back then you're just a lowlife, and there are no words to describe the contempt you deserve if you bring her an STD.

All that said: I suspect that you're fat and bald and possibly a virgin, too.

 

[aborgman]

It is always good, however, to be tactful.

Nope... some people NEED a rude slap upside the head that tact cannot provide. It's all about knowing your audience.

 

[The Golden Boy]

What am I missing about the linked threads?

What am I missing that's about the troll-ish behavior?

I see much more useless crap posted, more idiotic and ridiculous crap touted as fact, and all kinds of stupidity slapped across these forums that have not yielded ANYWHERE near as much of an intArweb smackdown this guy is getting.

Who doesn't get hit on by chicks? If you don't, I feel sorry for you. No need to take it out on the dude because he does. I've known plenty of people in their 30s and 40s that have sugar mommas. Like you wouldn't lap that up if you had it thrown at you. I'm 38 and I was getting carded until my hair started greying at the temples around 2 years ago.

To the OP... look at what's important to you.

 

[seventhson]

Who doesn't get hit on by chicks? If you don't, I feel sorry for you. No need to take it out on the dude because he does. I've known plenty of people in their 30s and 40s that have sugar mommas. Like you wouldn't lap that up if you had it thrown at you. I'm 38 and I was getting carded until my hair started greying at the temples around 2 years ago.

dude, it's not that at all (i still get carded and get hit on)...it's the way the OP presents his moral dilemma. it's not a moral dilemma. one path is being a self-centered "all about me" a-hole, and the other path is about sacrificing and generous to those who have done the same towards you. it's not a subtle choice. it's doing the right thing vs doing a deal with the devil.

To the OP... look at what's important to you.

i'm not a religious guy at all, but karma will come home to roost. i have seen what happens to people who live a selfish lifestyle. they end up sad and lonely.

 

[Devils Advocate]

Sorry, but I couldn't help myself from coming back. You guys are just all so wonderful that I couldn't tear myself away. I know how happy this makes you. I'll give you some more stuff now to pump your egos up.

1st - I find it incredibly interesting that you can cast judgement on me and say I'm a self centered a-hole when I've been in a loving and comitted relationship for almost a decade, and I'm struggling because I'd like to continue doing the right thing but find it hard given the opportunities that are coming my way. Haven't done a single immoral or selfish thing, quite the opposite in fact. I'd love to see how any of you with the big judgemental mouths would act if dealt the hand that I have right now. How many of you have even been in comitted relationships that lasted more than a couple of years without cheating, and of those of you that have - how many have had opportunities to do so. Sorry, but I think the only ones who have had opportunities and have turned away are the ones that are being understanding and compassionate here. The others can write whatever they like here to sound better, smarter, or more "ethical than", but you know yourselves what your own deal is. I don't really care if you lie to me or the rest of the people here. Your the only one who has to live with yourself 24/7. Don't be so quick to cast the judgement you are. Don't be so self rightous either. It WILL slap you in the face one day.

2nd - it seems you're being far more of an a-hole, immoral and selfish than you're accusing me of by the comments you're leaving here. I've done nothing to spark the venom that you guys are putting out, past saying that I have some women throwing themselves at me. That seems to hit you guys right in the ego. Real hard too. Sad. Must be because you guys can't make the same claims. If not I'm not quite sure why it bothers you then.

Ohhh... the humanity. I had more to say but it's tiring. I'm getting older ya know, not sure if I can take this stress.

 

[mjolnir]

Some things just aren't worth fighting over. Guys who like to get tough over teh internetz is one of them. Best just let it go, OP.

How's the whole situation going, anyway?

 

[Fuzzbass]

Ohhh... the humanity. I had more to say but it's tiring. I'm getting older ya know, not sure if I can take this stress.

LOL. The intarweb isn't fair. Here's a smiley to make it all better:

 

[KeithBMI]

Oh. He's back.

Hurray!

 

[joel kelsey]

How about working on music? If you are bored maybe using your free time to get better at bass would be a good idea. Do you compose? Maybe you could start writing music. Or maybe you could use your free time to volunteer somewhere like a retirement home or a soup kitchen. I guess I am confused about what your crisis is. To me, it sounds like you have a good life. You do what you want for a living and your surrounded by people who love you. What more could you want? These are just my honest thoughts, not trying to be an a-hole. Good luck with everything, I hope it all works out.

Sincerely

Joel

 

[disenchant]

Well, here is my sincere opinion.

If you're already thinking about cheating and you sound unsatisfied with your relationship, then I suggest you move on. I don't think you're an a-hole or immature or insensitive, I just think you are not in your ideal situation. It's really easy to look at someone who is TREATING you well, and supporting your lifestyle and mistake it for love. When you talked about what you liked about your girlfriend, it sounded like you like what she does for you and she cares about you, but it didn't sound like you care for her. Love has nothing to do with money or supporting someone--it exists with or without those things.

I know too many people who get caught in that trap. And I have also noted that in the relationship, the one doing all the giving and good treating is doing so because they sense that the other person is unsatisfied and may leave. I have a friend who treats his now wife like a queen. And she likes him at best, there's no love there for him. But she likes the way he treats her, and she likes the nice house and fancy car. So she stays, and both are miserable--and I'm pretty sure she's cheating on him.

Don't be fooled into thinking that the best you can do is find someone who treats you well. That is bull****. Don't settle. Ten years or so is way too long to not have popped the question. If it was love, you would have WANTED to marry her already. The best thing you can do for you both is to stop pretending.

That being said, you don't want to get mixed up with band hos. The worst thing you could do for yourself is to try to date a superficial chick with tight clothes and who just wants you because you're semi-famous. She's not interested in YOU, she's interested in your fame and talent. And she thinks if she can snag you now, she'll follow you down your road to fame and fortune, and suck you dry. Band hos all seem to look th same, big hair, thick mascara, tramp stamp, belly rings, tight jeans, and if you're unlucky, a muffin top spilling over top her belt.

You deserve to find a woman YOU love, and who loves you. One that when you look at her, you want to just be with her for the rest of your life. And you won't think of cheating when you're with her. You prolly won't find her throwing herself at you at your shows, or grinding in the front row, but I'm pretty sure if you look in the right place, you'll find her.

 

[seventhson]

it seems you're being far more of an a-hole, immoral and selfish than you're accusing me of by the comments you're leaving here. I've done nothing to spark the venom that you guys are putting out...

wait for it, wait for it...

past saying that I have some women throwing themselves at me. That seems to hit you guys right in the ego. Real hard too. Sad. Must be because you guys can't make the same claims. If not I'm not quite sure why it bothers you then.

money shot FTW!

Dude, what's sad is this reality that you've created where you imagine that people give a crap about women throwing themselves at you. On a musician's board where most of the members gig!

The reason people think you're self absorbed is you post about a moral dilemma, but it's nothing but an excuse for you to tell how everyone how awesome you are. Friggin, LMAO. You've got some psych problems. I hope for your girlfriend's sake, you take the easy path.

 

[JimS]

Some of my details are as such. I'm in my late forties, have a wonderful girlfriend who's been with me a lot more years than most would hang around without a ring, I earn my living playing music but have 0 security (I can lose it all tomorrow), my girl earns an excellent living and is willing to take me under her wing for security purposes, allows me the freedom to write, play, tour, etc... but I'm bored to tears. ...My girl and I are on target with the big issues - religion, politics, communication, ethics - but our sense of humor is somewhat different, I'm a bit messy and she's neurotically clean, she's a day person, I'm a night. Makes living together a bit of a challenge. Anyhow - there are lots of plusses, a handful minuses, and lots of questions that are coming up now.

I'm one of those fortunate almost 50 year olds who just hasn't aged for whatever reason. I'm in better shape than most 20 year olds .. and people in their late 30s have come up to me on several occasions saying stuff like, "Don't worry, when you hit my age, things will change." My band is happening bigtime and I have beautiful women of all ages literally throwing themselves at me. I was brought up with a really strict set of ethics and guilty conscience however, so cheating is almost an impossibility. After much struggle I'm starting to think my best option is to practice and learn to cheat.

Basically - I'm incredibly incredibly frustrated and confused. The desire to be with these women is overwhelmingly powerful, to the point where it makes me completely miserable - yet it seems to indulge would mean to be rid of the girl who is now my best friend, and all of the benefits that go with it. The reality of "getting older" is holding a mirror to my face and I'm beginning to get a bit fearful of all the things the world makes you fearful of - you know, like homelessness, sickness, being alone... all the good reasons that most people REALLY get married for.

It's difficult to get all the details in and keep it short. I feel like I'm in a lose/lose situation. Stay with the girl, be frustrated and resent her - leave the girl, have lots of fun but lose my best friend and possible life partner. Live a life with health benefits and security but sacrifice a lot of excitement, or live a life full of excitement that's completely on the edge? Grow up by the world's standards and what everyone else considers to be the right thing? Follow what seems to me my driving force and trust in a benevolent universe? I honestly feel like I'm a teenager all over again - lots of questions, few answers, and a libido that's bigger than it was then.

Why do we only live once?

I'd love to know your experience with this, and any thoughts regarding mine. Oh yeah, and hi everybody.

I hear you. I'm similar. I'm almost 45 and look about 10 years younger and am attractive to women more than the average guy. I don't know why but it just happens that way.

I think it's in our genes to want to spread our seed or just have fun. However, what I do when I suffer from NPS (New P--y Syndrome) is think of this:

1. I live with a hot, easy going MILF. Really a great gal. She wants to get married but I don't. And she knows that and it's just part of the deal.
2. Just because you see a hot woman doesn't mean she'll be interested in you.
3. Most people I meet I don't really want to be with. The hottie you see could be stupid, psychotic, a bitch, smoke, etc. She might be nice but you never know.
4. STDs: say it. Believe it.
5. And if you do get lucky, there's no guarrantee she'll be good in the carnal way.
6. Don't cheat. If you are ethical it will haunt you. Maybe take a break (what my gal and I did for a year or so) and then we got back together.
7. How would you feel if she cheated on you?

Contrarily, when I got divorced I did enjoy the freedom and have a lot of great memories. Good lord.

No matter what you choose, the grass is greener and Hades is laughing at you.

.

 

[Jonyak]

the word is narcissistic.

 

[Fuzzbass]

the word is narcissistic.

Bullseye

 

[JimS]

Bullseye

+ 1

.

 

[Don Higdon]

+ 1

.

And another

 

[XtreO]

One more

 

[KeithBMI]

I concur.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

Sorry, but I couldn't help myself from coming back. You guys are just all so wonderful that I couldn't tear myself away. I know how happy this makes you. I'll give you some more stuff now to pump your egos up.

1st - I find it incredibly interesting that you can cast judgement on me and say I'm a self centered a-hole when I've been in a loving and comitted relationship for almost a decade, and I'm struggling because I'd like to continue doing the right thing but find it hard given the opportunities that are coming my way. Haven't done a single immoral or selfish thing, quite the opposite in fact. I'd love to see how any of you with the big judgemental mouths would act if dealt the hand that I have right now. How many of you have even been in comitted relationships that lasted more than a couple of years without cheating, and of those of you that have - how many have had opportunities to do so. Sorry, but I think the only ones who have had opportunities and have turned away are the ones that are being understanding and compassionate here. The others can write whatever they like here to sound better, smarter, or more "ethical than", but you know yourselves what your own deal is. I don't really care if you lie to me or the rest of the people here. Your the only one who has to live with yourself 24/7. Don't be so quick to cast the judgement you are. Don't be so self rightous either. It WILL slap you in the face one day.

2nd - it seems you're being far more of an a-hole, immoral and selfish than you're accusing me of by the comments you're leaving here. I've done nothing to spark the venom that you guys are putting out, past saying that I have some women throwing themselves at me. That seems to hit you guys right in the ego. Real hard too. Sad. Must be because you guys can't make the same claims. If not I'm not quite sure why it bothers you then.

Ohhh... the humanity. I had more to say but it's tiring. I'm getting older ya know, not sure if I can take this stress.

Feel better?

 

[Brian Jr.]

Condescending, I believe is another relevant term.

To the OP: Look, the people on this board are indeed a helpful and wise bunch. But they also have a good amount of self respect. If you're coming to everyone for advice, that's fine. The reason a good number of people think you're trolling is because the attitude you put forth before asking for help and advice. Telling everyone here they probably can't stand being without you, and starting up a dramatic relationship thread? Look man, I for one can definitely stand being without another one of these. If you're really in a fix, HUMBLE YOURSELF a little. Nobody wants to help someone who already knows it all. Yes, you're coming across as a know it all. And don't give me any "I don't know any other way to speak" crap. If you really have never had to figure out how to ask advice before, you're probably not coming on to talkbass for your first go at it. Especially with as big of a head that not ever having to ask anyone for advice would surely afford you. I can't help but reading your posts any other way.