Movie reviews (rant)

[Jim Nazium]

I can't stand over-wrought movie reviews. Often I read them and am left with (1) no information at all about whether I would like the movie and (2) a sense that the reviewer was just writing to congratulate himself on the sophistication of his tastes.

For example (not the worst but the first that comes to mind), here's the first sentence of a review of a 1982 film called Who Dares Wins:
"Why not watch this reactionary anti‑CND action thriller while imagining it is actually a Comic Strip parody and pretending it stars Keith Allen instead of Lewis Collins?"

I don't know what CND is, what Comic Strip was, or who Keith Allen and Lewis Collins are. What a cultural illiterate I must be! I'm so ashamed!

I know you spent a lot of money on your college degree, Mr. Reviewer, and I'm sorry your career didn't turn out like you wanted. You'd rather be writing screenplays for millions of dollars instead of writing 200 word reviews for a free weekly paper. I get it. But, when I read a movie review, all I want to know is whether to spend two hours of my life watching the movie. OK? I don't want to be impressed by your vocabulary or your obscure literary references. Is it funny, is the story interesting, are the visuals creative, are there any hot chicks. That's what I want to know.

/rant

 

[Immigrant]

More context please, before I validate your rant.

Was the review written in 1982 or was it written recently about a movie made in '82? Maybe if you were reading it in 1982 it would click and make sense.

 

[Jim Nazium]

It's from a recent list of "funniest movies ever".

 

[Richland123]

One thing I have learned about movie reviews is if a comedy movie is referred to as "hilarious" I know it won't be funny.

 

[hrodbert696]

My favorite one is something I saw maybe ten or twelve years ago, published in an Indiana paper but originated in, I believe, the LA Times. It was a look at "It's a Wonderful Life." The reviewer was shocked - SHOCKED! - to have watched the movie (with all the de rigeur condemnation of it for mindless "schmaltz") and to have discovered - DISCOVERED! - that George Bailey didn't have such a wonderful life after all (!!!!!!). Why, he didn't get ANYTHING he had wanted out of life! NOTHING!

 

[elgecko]

I loved this line from a review of The Men Who Stare at Goats:

"I would've rather stared at real goats than watch this."

 

[pcake]

my fave was from a review for sleepy hollow. the part i love was easy to remember as it simply reads "Sleepy and hollow, indeed."

 

[elgecko]

Movie reviews and reviewers are a lot like music. A lot of them suck!

 

[slobake]

There is a certian breathless movie reviewer who comes on t.v. and radio. I won't mention her name. I can't stand her, the very sound of her idiotic voice combined with her inane insipid reviews is very irritating. She also does local commercials. The moment I hear her voice the radio or t.v. channel gets changed or shut down.
She also had a reputation at Lucasfim when I worked there. She carried on like she was the Queen of England and everyone was her footstool.

 

[Reo]

I've come to realize that the only way movie reviews (or any review really, TV, games, books, etc) become worthwhile for me is if I can find a critic who seems to like the types of movies that I enjoy and only pay attention to them. Too many do a poor job of actually reviewing the movies and/or give the ridiculous reviews the OP talked about.

 

[bholder]

Knowing your reviewers is the key to understanding movie reviews. If I read that in a review, I would simply ignore that reviewer in the future. No harm no foul.

 

[bholder]

I've come to realize that the only way movie reviews (or any review really, TV, games, books, etc) become worthwhile for me is if I can find a critic who seems to like the types of movies that I enjoy and only pay attention to them. Too many do a poor job of actually reviewing the movies and/or give the ridiculous reviews the OP talked about.

I find that I can trust certain reviewers in the contrarian sense - if they dislike a film, or use certain easy canned criticisms, I figure it might just be worth seeing.

 

[Reo]

I find that I can trust certain reviewers in the contrarian sense - if they dislike a film, or use certain easy canned criticisms, I figure it might just be worth seeing.

Yeah, we have a film critic here who is a complete joke. I too find that if he dislikes something I will probably enjoy it. This guy will walk out of movies if he finds them distasteful but then tries to assign them a star rating as if he stayed the whole time. He does this multiple times per year.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

 

[bholder]

Yeah, we have a film critic here who is a complete joke. I too find that if he dislikes something I will probably enjoy it. This guy will walk out of movies if he finds them distasteful but then tries to assign them a star rating as if he stayed the whole time. He does this multiple times per year.

That reviewer ought to be fired for falsifying their work, then.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

I just check IMdB scores, but I have seen some rated very high that I thought were stinkers.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Lol. I never read movie reviews, but last week my wife was reading one to me and I thought EXACTLY the same thing. I had no idea what the writer was talking about. He was referencing characters in multiple novels I never heard of, as well as using vocabulary that would require just about anybody to break out a dictionary. What movie goer wants to read that kind of crap?

 

[slobake]

I just check IMdB scores, but I have seen some rated very high that I thought were stinkers.

Me too

 

[Richland123]

Most movie reviewers are not actors just as most music critics are not musicians.

 

[elgecko]

I just check IMdB scores, but I have seen some rated very high that I thought were stinkers.

Conversely, I've enjoyed many a movie rated below 20% on rottentomatoes.com. Just because a movie sucks doesn't mean it's not entertaining.