Musician Friction: Coping Mechanisms?

[KellanEmSoftly]

Hey JMJ!

Before I ask you anything, I just want to thank you again for your advice on "Getting the Gigs," which you imparted to me and TB...actually, almost exactly a year ago to this day! I have taken that wisdom and "played to my strengths" over the last year, and as a result, have been granted some fabulous musical opportunities.

I wanted to ask you something about an element of one of these opportunities in particular. I am presently working with a US band that tours internationally (most heavily in Asia), and we are gearing up for a month-long Chinese tour in the summer time. Over the course of the last few months, I have found that I don't get along especially well with one of the members of the 4-piece band. We're definitely not operating on a dysfunctional level at this point, but I feel the sort of dread when interacting with this musician that creeps up when you know there is plenty of potential for a sudden flare-up.

Now, I should say that I am no stranger to any human's inherent inability to please everyone all the time. I have a day job, and there's plenty of animosity in the workplace that I have learned to prevent, evade, or mediate over the course of my life. What I worry about is that in this case, I will be in very close proximity with the vaguely difficult person, for an extended period of time, and I don't want to make any waves if I can help the situation.

Do you have any experience with something like this? How did you deal, or perhaps in retrospect, how do you feel you should have dealt?

Thank you again, for your contributions here, and of course to music. Lovin' it!
Kellan

 

[jmjbassplayer]

I've had a great deal of experience with this very thing. I've certainly tried everything: avoidance, placation, antagonism, blithe cheerfulness, and everything in between. The fact is, the best thing I've ever done is some serious, in depth analysis of what my part in the dysfunction could be. Once knowing that, and at least taking some responsibility for that, things sort of mysteriously would seem to chill out. Another thing that can be effective is to quite literally confront the person in question and bring up the issue head-on, in a rather matter-of-fact and unemotional way. In the face of such directness, any remnants of possible antagonism on their part might end up seeming petty and riduculous. More often than not, I think that people respond to that sort of direct communication in a favorable way. It might cause them some introspection, and that's certainly not a bad thing. Unless the other person is truly evil, these sort of things seem to work pretty ok for these scenarios. My two cents.

 

[KellanEmSoftly]

Wow, didn't see this until just now. Your two cents are some pretty pennies, JMJ. I think it's a normal thing in music, and life, that the best thing to do is also the hardest thing to do. Thank you so much!