This sounds exactly like my ex fiances ex husband. He was pulling all that crap with her and more. I asked "was he like this when you were dating? Do you think it has progressively gotten worse over time? How does that (his behaviors) make you feel? Then based on her answers I'd probe even more. With her I gave her reasons to stay and to leave and when she finally realized the bad outweighed the good I told her "well there you go, you now know what you should truly do."
What is it you love about him? What is it you dislike about him? Are you affraid that the situation will only get worse? Do you honestly believe it can get better? If yes, then how? Do you feel the good outweighs the bad? Is it possible that you're only with him now because you're comfortable, for financial reasons, no place else to stay? Do you feel you're to blame for him hitting you, breaking your things, etc? (If she says yes to this one then point out to her that he is responsible for his own actions and he made the choice to hit her. In short, she's not to blame he is.) Probe about how safe she feels the kids are too.
Now unfortunately, you still can't make her see the pro's and con's. All you can do is help present them to her and hope she realizes them.
Ok then, i was close... I brought up all those subjects and she actually talked about them as i listened. They were not in form of a question though, more of "think about this..." ...i'll keep that in mind.
I saw her today, i am 98% sure she is not going back to him, which is pretty huge.
Bad thing right now is the following. She pulls the "no one can tell that there is something wrong" act very well. A bit scary, because i do the same, I can't hide when i am worried about someone else but when i have a problem, i don't show it. At least she talked to me, i don't do that. I know i pissed few friends of on 25th because they kept on asking and i kept on avoiding talking about it, they told me I do it all the time.
Either way, she said she is very serious about moving back to So Cal, which IMO is very unhealthy. One, she is not dealing with problems, she is trying to run away from them and makes excuses to do so. I am not trying to be selfish, i rather see her safe rather then keeping her around, but even though she'll be better of in short run, she will hurt in a long run. She is basically trying to start over back home. I never told her any of my feelings on that and i probably will not. Like i said, she had few douchebags back at home, i hope she doesn't go back to them because they were just a nudge better. Also, because she is planning on running away from this, i imagine he hurt her more then she is telling me.
We'll see... She IMed me 30 minutes ago, but i was not here. Sorry guys, this kinda stuff scares me... I know how to handle a lot of things, but this kind of things are touch.
Tomorrow, my buddy is going to see the scumbag at work... It's going to be hard for him, i know it... Whole thing sucks, weirdest Christmas ever. We've decided that worse thing we can do to him is just kill all relationships with him and never talk to him again. Doing anything further will hurt her more then him, I can see how she will feel bad for "causing" this and go back, so that's out of the pictures unless he goes after her again. Hopefully my buddy doesn't snap.
BTW, it was over a game..... Basically, way we figured from bits and peaces we found out from her is that he was playing games online whole day, I think she wanted to do stuff and they got in a small argument, she then turned of a router and then............ Over a ****** game....
