Needing to vent...

[NOAH_FX]

B****h's be crazy dude..

 

[scorpionldr]

So she gave you permission to do the gig/practice then she scheduled herself to work on the same day after the fact?.
You then scrambled to make it work and she shot that down too?
Sounds like she really does not want you to play out.
Better talk about why she feels threatened by your music career sooner than later.

I know I'm young and single, so my post has no warrant, but this really sounds like the classic case of "If hubby runs off and starts playing gigs, whose gonna be there to do the dishes and support me and pay attention to the kids?" bull.

People who want to avoid anything will first try being open. "I don't want to do it". Then if they get any flack about that they'll close up, using the "what about"s. Then they'll start making commitments that they know are going to screw up. And if they don't screw by themselves, they're going to screw them up themselves. Because thats the nature of avoiding things you don't want to do.

I once had a friend instantly practically quit a band when I got a gig lined up, just because he thought it was "harmless fun that would never go anywhere". Guy was too shy to handle it.

Sounds like talking is in order...

 

[steve_rolfeca]

...The passive-aggressive nature ...isn't anything we can comment on in any sort of meaningful way since none of us know her.

...If you're worried about potentially causing a divorce by what you might say....clearly there are other issues at play here.

+1 to these comments.

Healthy marriages don't end in divorce over one misunderstanding, especially if financial ruin or adultery aren't involved. If you're so ticked off about losing this gig that you need to vent about what you regard as her passive aggressive behaviour, then it means one of two things:

1. Everybody rubs their spouse's fur the wrong way at one time or another. It's just part of the deal. If this is your first major misunderstanding after years of marriage, then you and your wife have been doing better than 99% of the population.

If that's the case, you're being a wuss. Stop whining, and get down on your knees in thanks for having such a wonderful marriage!

2. Of course, it's more likely that Strohman hit the nail on the head, and you're frustrated because this is NOT the first time that you've had this kind of miscommunication. If that is closer to the truth, then you need to stop ignoring the "elephant in the room", and deal with the larger issue. Whatever that may be.

In that case, you don't need to tell us more about your wife's passive-aggressive tendencies, because it's none of our business. What you DO need to do, is act decisively to move communications with your wife to a new, more productive level before this time bomb blows up, and destroys your marriage.

You obviously care about this woman. Just talk. Be open about what bugs you, but also be ready to hear some unpleasant truths about yourself, as well. If that doesn't work, get her to go with a counsellor with you. If she won't go, see a counsellor by yourself.

Whatever you do, don't just let it continue to fester- my first marriage broke down, not because I was a jerk, or my wife was a screaming b***h, but simply because we allowed those sorts of minor misunderstandings to build up to a point that there was no turning back.

You do not want to go down my path. 30 years later, I'm pretty much over the fallout of my divorce, and happily married to my second wife of 25 years. But the sad thing, is that my first wife and I took each other to hell and back- and it was ALL avoidable.

 

[Kitsapbass]

Thanks guys - its all been worked out for the most part. I'm going to ask the mod to close this thread. All your advice was appreciated.