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negative feedback

hernameisrio

hernameisrio

Guest
Sep 27, 2011
1,202
250
Berkeley, CA
#1
If someone you know made a nasty comment about your abilities as a musician to someone else and it got back to you, would you say something to that person? Not even in a nasty, confrontational way…just like a "Hey man, what was that all about?!" way?

Now, because of this, I honestly just feel really discouraged and am now second-guessing most of the compliments I've ever gotten as a bassist. I know it's kinda childish to react that way, but it just caught me off-guard for this person to be so critical of me to someone else. What is the point? I don't get it.

It also doesn't even help me because it wasn't even like a specific thing, just a general slam on my playing. And it left me feeling like, oh. What if I just suck and everyone is afraid to tell me and they're all just trying to be nice?

This is a weird place to be in. I feel like I've made a really solid amount of progress as a player in the past few years and it rattles me to my core that this might just all be a lie. Has this ever happened to anyone? When it comes to total strangers, I can take it with a grain of salt and just be like, "Whatever" but when it's someone I know, it just feels…not good.

I'm in a place in my life where it's really important to me that the people in my network be positive, but at the same time, personal growth is just as critical. I don't know how to handle this. Letting it go just doesn't quite feel right.

I realize I'm surrounded by a bunch of dudes who have been socially conditioned to either beat the snot out of each other or bottle up their feelings, but please try to put yourself in my shoes as a young-ish woman who already has enough to fight against and think about how something like this might affect you.:P What would you do?
 
#2
It's most likely pure jealousy. YOU are in a band, I'm guessing "Backstabber" isn't. I'm sure you've recorded yourself both without and with your band. YOU know you're a capable player. Your Bandmates must know also, otherwise you wouldn't be in the band?

Just forget about said person.

If you want honest, constructive criticism post some sound clips. We can put your mind at ease.

X8
 
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#3
Exploiter8 said:
It's most likely pure jealousy. YOU are in a band, I'm guessing "Backstabber" isn't. I'm sure you've recorded yourself both without and with your band. YOU know you're a capable player. Your Bandmates must know also, otherwise you wouldn't be in the band?

Just forget about said person.

If you want honest, constructive criticism post some sound clips. We can put your mind at ease.

X8
Click to expand...

I gotta agree here. Plain and simple.

I also agree with maybe providing us with some soundclips or a YouTube video or something for some critiquing if you're really concerned about what that person said.
 
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#5
I agree with Exploiter; he is probably super jealous that he can't play like you. And just the fact that someone is female seems to really irritate some guys when she has more talent than he does. (Notice I said some, not all!! ;) )

If you got accepted into a band, and you've kept your position there, that kinda proves that you have talent. And the number of compliments received is not the best measure of ability! If you are always improving your skills as a bassist and a musician, then that is what really matters, rather than what a hypocrite has to say behind your back.

Don't worry about it! :)
 
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#6
Okay, now my friend Keely showed me the YouTube link. Lovin' "Tears of a Clown!"

Did the "nasty comment about your abilities as a musician" come from the FOH guy? ;) They'll complain about ANYTHING!

(My apologies for generalizing FOH guys!)

X8
 
#7
I am indeed Annie Halo. Thanks Exploiter8. I was working off of Marcus Miller's cover in the Motown book. :) And actually, the sound guys at Bitter End are pretty cool, so it wasn't them haha!

See….it's not that I think Backstabber is telling the truth. It's more just like…why would somebody say something like that? What's the point? It doesn't help me. If he said my technique was atrocious, then I'd be like, "Oh, okay" and go home and work on my technique. But I don't even know what was so wrong.

I was already told tonight that apparently upright bass: I'm doing it wrong because I'm going 1-2-3-4 just like on electric, rather than putting 2 and 3 together for better intonation. I didn't even know this was a thing. But a grownup bassist told me so now I will try it.

Update: it feels weird.
 
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#8
hernameisrio said:
I am indeed Annie Halo. Thanks Exploiter8. I was working off of Marcus Miller's cover in the Motown book. :) And actually, the sound guys at Bitter End are pretty cool, so it wasn't them haha!

See….it's not that I think Backstabber is telling the truth. It's more just like…why would somebody say something like that? What's the point? It doesn't help me. If he said my technique was atrocious, then I'd be like, "Oh, okay" and go home and work on my technique. But I don't even know what was so wrong.

I was already told tonight that apparently upright bass: I'm doing it wrong because I'm going 1-2-3-4 just like on electric, rather than putting 2 and 3 together for better intonation. I didn't even know this was a thing. But a grownup bassist told me so now I will try it.

Update: it feels weird.
Click to expand...

Let me give you some helpful insight from someone who has played for 34 years and teaches professionally. True constructive criticism will always be to show you a weakness you need to work on in your playing (intonation, fingerings, holding the instrument correctly, keeping a steady tempo, playing in the pocket, and listen to what's going on in the band as you play, etc.). When I first started playing, I asked my teacher who the best player is and he replied, "the guy playing the most gigs is the best player around" and I asked why and he said "because he is playing the most gigs making the money". So obviously he must be doing something right?? (no mention of technique, equipment, or anything else)

Accept comments from those who have been around and know the instrument, and let the other so called experts opinions bounce off you. In regards to the upright bass, its 1-2-4 for the left hand in the lower positions or your intonation will be compromised forever. I played electric bass for seven years before I started playing upright and although I am 6'5" tall with long fingers, I had to start using upright teaching for upright and electric teaching for electric. Although it's still a bass, the electric and upright are two different monsters in regards to technique .

Good Luck and enjoy your journey, ...........and by the way, some of the best bass students I have ever taught were girls.
 
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#10
Yeah... As hard as it is, let it go. It's just one person's way of thinking (whether valid to that person or out of jealousy). Keep on rocking and focus on your accomplishments and new challenges. Let your playing do the talking.

And just checked your website... From Chic to Palmieri... GTFO! You got this.
 
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#11
I have spent several minutes going through your songs page on your website, and you're better than I am. Okay, that isn't saying much, but still... Hugely versatile, great tone that is different (but appropriate) for every song. You belong in a band! Don't worry about the naysayers, it is often jealousy and/or gender bias speaking, not actually coming from what they heard. There is also the aspect that some people simply feel the need to slam others behind their back. People love to gossip, even if they have to make something up to gossip about.

I hear a very slight tendency to be just a very little behind, but that almost feels like maybe a latency issue or something like that. I was only certain that I was hearing it on "I was Made to Love Her." I just skipped around to songs I like, so I can't say that it is the only time it's there. Please understand, I am saying that this is a very slight thing that many (maybe even most) people wouldn't hear (or notice, at any rate). If that is the criticism you had, then I think the naysayer may have heard something real, may have had a valid point, but was being overly critical, and handled it badly.
 
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#12
Well, some may make nasty comments behind your back and that just says more about them than about you. Constructive criticism given face to face from a person you know and respect means something, gossip and mean comments is just hot air that I think you should try and ignore.

Your playing is fine; keep playing, keep improving, have fun.
 
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#13
In all areas of life (not just music) there are people that build themselves up by tearing others down. When you're on the receiving end, it can hurt. But when you're not on the receiving end, it's usually obvious what they're doing, as it is to every respondent in this thread.

Constructive criticism should send you to the woodshed. This other stuff should just be ignored. Sounds easier said than done, but it's an important life skill (and like I said, not just in music). :)
 
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#16
HI!
I am most probably nowhere near your level but I will tell you that this most probably happens to all of us.
Back in the 80's I was playing a gig at one of the well known night spots in our town. It just so happens that an internationally known rock group was playing a concert in this town that same night.
On about our 3rd or 4th set I noticed a group of long-haired guys had come in and were sitting fairly close to the stage. When I took a break one of the guys walked up to me and told me my sound was astounding and that I was the best bass player he had ever heard. I thanked him and went ahead on my break. Then someone told me who those guys were - they were the musicians from the concert band and the guy who came up to me was their drummer!
Fast forward about a month, I was playing at a large bar gig. We took a break and a guy who I wondered how he had gotten in the bar as he didn't really look old enough came up to me and said "You don't know much about playing bass, do you."
HA HA. So moral of story. Obviously I wasn't the greatest bass player ever heard and also I did know a bit about playing. People will say most anything.

Suggest you don't even pay attention to what was said and just be as good as you can be all the time.
 
#17
hernameisrio said:
If someone you know made a nasty comment about your abilities as a musician to someone else and it got back to you, would you say something to that person? Not even in a nasty, confrontational way…just like a "Hey man, what was that all about?!" way?

Now, because of this, I honestly just feel really discouraged and am now second-guessing most of the compliments I've ever gotten as a bassist. I know it's kinda childish to react that way, but it just caught me off-guard for this person to be so critical of me to someone else. What is the point? I don't get it.

It also doesn't even help me because it wasn't even like a specific thing, just a general slam on my playing. And it left me feeling like, oh. What if I just suck and everyone is afraid to tell me and they're all just trying to be nice?

This is a weird place to be in. I feel like I've made a really solid amount of progress as a player in the past few years and it rattles me to my core that this might just all be a lie. Has this ever happened to anyone? When it comes to total strangers, I can take it with a grain of salt and just be like, "Whatever" but when it's someone I know, it just feels…not good.

I'm in a place in my life where it's really important to me that the people in my network be positive, but at the same time, personal growth is just as critical. I don't know how to handle this. Letting it go just doesn't quite feel right.

I realize I'm surrounded by a bunch of dudes who have been socially conditioned to either beat the snot out of each other or bottle up their feelings, but please try to put yourself in my shoes as a young-ish woman who already has enough to fight against and think about how something like this might affect you.:p What would you do?
Click to expand...
I would do nothing. By even thinking about it or reacting to it you are giving that person control over you. It serves no useful purpose.
 
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#18
We (people in general) must learn to accept criticism, or prepare to fail.
Not everyone is going to have something positive to say.
Perhaps this is a good time to look inside, you said you're in a place where you need the people around you to be positive.
But that's going to be hard to find, at least consistently, it's a utopian ideal at best.
Coming from a bassist with OCD and a moderate-to-severe anxiety disorder (that's me), I've had to learn to take criticism in a different way because I am already hyper critical of myself (I feel you may be also).
However I have come to realize that somewhere, hiding in every unnecessary or jealousy fueled negative comment, is a grain of truth.
The issue here is not what they said, but how you're handling it.
I poked around your website, you are very talented.
Be proud of yourself, but not too proud that when the criticism rolls in (which it will, constructive and destructive alike) your immediate reaction is to become defensive.
Because when we become defensive, the negativity is in control and we will loose the truth, now and in the future.
 
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#19
The title is wrong, it's not "feedback" it's "noise." Sometimes you get a little 60Hz noise, sometimes it's a jealous jerk, it's annoying but you have to ignore it and play on. Who was on stage and who was watching? I get a little jealous watching other bands, I want to be on stage all of the time. I sometimes also get the urge to cut in line, lie and take a nap in the middle of the day. But, I paid attention in kindergarten, so I can control all of those urges. Not everybody did.
 
#20
Annie, you live in New York City and you're a gigging/recording musician? My understanding is that NYC is one of the most musically competitive cities on the planet. Without even checking any YouTube and/or sound clips, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you are, in all likelihood, an extremely skilled, competent, and tasteful bass player.

Allow me to be Captain Obvious here for a moment and say that there are people in this world who will always have negative things to say about others, and yes, it often arises from jealousy and insecurity. This person could have taken a different approach; for starters, he (or she?) could have approached you face to face. And then, instead of generalizing, told you specifically what it was about your playing that was bothersome to them - in a non-judgemental, constructive, and helpful way. Tone can be everything in these situations. You seem to be a reasonable person and I am willing to bet that if this person had spoken to you in positive manner (and especially if he or she is a fellow musician whose opinion you respect), you would have been open to advice, even if you ultimately didn't act upon it.

Bottom line, take it with a grain of salt. Frankly, the only opinions you should be concerned with are those of your bandmates and audience.
 
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