Not having fun any more

[Sixpack324]

If I were in your position.........13-14 projects in roughly 15 years and now this..........

I'd have to ask: What (or who) is the common denominator?



Just sayin'

 

[JaredBT]

Like I posted earlier - just the one thing in itself (delay reporting the double-booking to the band) is not a big deal, I agree. But it sounds like the OP is in a situation where a steady stream of issues, each of which were not-a-big-deal in themselves, have added up to poisoning the atmosphere for him.

The band I was talking about before where the guitarist fell off the wagon was like that. One time it was just a crappy gig where he couldn't remember the intros to any tunes because he had been drinking. OK, well everyone has a bad gig once in a while. Then he went to this open mic far off in the backside of nowhere and spent all night texting us how AWESOME it was, there was such a CROWD there, we HAD to drop everything and come RIGHT NOW. We didn't, but agreed to make the long trek next week - and it became clear that the big crowd was there for the $1-bucket-of-wings special, not the music, and the management jumped all over us telling us to turn down. Another time he booked a gig for way short money to what we had said we would accept. Another time is was the crude-talk-at-the-mic at a family event thing. And so on.

None of those were any big deal in themselves. But over the course of a few months of this, it got to the point where I wasn't looking forward to practicing or gigging with him anymore; I was going to every band event wondering, "what's it going to be this time?" It wasn't any fun, we weren't making any money, we weren't getting any tighter musically - if anything, worse - and finally it just wasn't worth it any more.

Like I posted earlier - just the one thing in itself (delay reporting the double-booking to the band) is not a big deal, I agree. But it sounds like the OP is in a situation where a steady stream of issues, each of which were not-a-big-deal in themselves, have added up to poisoning the atmosphere for him.

The band I was talking about before where the guitarist fell off the wagon was like that. One time it was just a crappy gig where he couldn't remember the intros to any tunes because he had been drinking. OK, well everyone has a bad gig once in a while. Then he went to this open mic far off in the backside of nowhere and spent all night texting us how AWESOME it was, there was such a CROWD there, we HAD to drop everything and come RIGHT NOW. We didn't, but agreed to make the long trek next week - and it became clear that the big crowd was there for the $1-bucket-of-wings special, not the music, and the management jumped all over us telling us to turn down. Another time he booked a gig for way short money to what we had said we would accept. Another time is was the crude-talk-at-the-mic at a family event thing. And so on.

None of those were any big deal in themselves. But over the course of a few months of this, it got to the point where I wasn't looking forward to practicing or gigging with him anymore; I was going to every band event wondering, "what's it going to be this time?" It wasn't any fun, we weren't making any money, we weren't getting any tighter musically - if anything, worse - and finally it just wasn't worth it any more.

Like I posted earlier - just the one thing in itself (delay reporting the double-booking to the band) is not a big deal, I agree. But it sounds like the OP is in a situation where a steady stream of issues, each of which were not-a-big-deal in themselves, have added up to poisoning the atmosphere for him.

The band I was talking about before where the guitarist fell off the wagon was like that. One time it was just a crappy gig where he couldn't remember the intros to any tunes because he had been drinking. OK, well everyone has a bad gig once in a while. Then he went to this open mic far off in the backside of nowhere and spent all night texting us how AWESOME it was, there was such a CROWD there, we HAD to drop everything and come RIGHT NOW. We didn't, but agreed to make the long trek next week - and it became clear that the big crowd was there for the $1-bucket-of-wings special, not the music, and the management jumped all over us telling us to turn down. Another time he booked a gig for way short money to what we had said we would accept. Another time is was the crude-talk-at-the-mic at a family event thing. And so on.

None of those were any big deal in themselves. But over the course of a few months of this, it got to the point where I wasn't looking forward to practicing or gigging with him anymore; I was going to every band event wondering, "what's it going to be this time?" It wasn't any fun, we weren't making any money, we weren't getting any tighter musically - if anything, worse - and finally it just wasn't worth it any more.

this is exactly the case

 

[Duder]

Same venue, same stage and yes... same night

I read that as a double booking, though I can see how it might have come off as a multi-stage/multi-band event. I'd be pretty mad if I was told we had been double booked after one of my bandmates knew about it for two weeks. I might have been able to book another gig if the venue dropped us in favor of the other group.
Jared, have the talk with the whole band present. If they don't back you up, screw 'em. It's not worth the frustration.

 

[hrodbert696]

If I were in your position.........13-14 projects in roughly 15 years and now this..........

I'd have to ask: What (or who) is the common denominator?



Just sayin'

Maybe. Anyone could do with some honest critical self-examination once in a while. But I wouldn't presume offhand this means the OP is the problem. I've been playing about six years, and I've been in and out of at least eight or nine projects over that time, some very brief and abortive, several of them ongoing simultaneously with each other. Sometimes you just can't get the right group all recruited. Sometimes you play with people for a few months and it becomes apparent it's not going anywhere. Sometimes the project was only intended as a short-term, one-off thing in the first place. Yet no one ever fired me from any of them or expressed any issues with my role in the band. Well, that one alcoholic guitarist called me "prissy" or something at one point, that's it. It's not all that easy finding a group of people who are all compatible and competent and want to do the same thing at the same time and keep doing it over an extended period of time.

 

[aborgman]

Maybe. Anyone could do with some honest critical self-examination once in a while. But I wouldn't presume offhand this means the OP is the problem. I've been playing about six years, and I've been in and out of at least eight or nine projects over that time, some very brief and abortive, several of them ongoing simultaneously with each other. Sometimes you just can't get the right group all recruited. Sometimes you play with people for a few months and it becomes apparent it's not going anywhere. Sometimes the project was only intended as a short-term, one-off thing in the first place. Yet no one ever fired me from any of them or expressed any issues with my role in the band. Well, that one alcoholic guitarist called me "prissy" or something at one point, that's it. It's not all that easy finding a group of people who are all compatible and competent and want to do the same thing at the same time and keep doing it over an extended period of time.

Thing is - some people are just compatible with a lot of people, and some people are compatible with almost no one.

 

[Liam Wald]

Looks like a baby crying on the internet!

I do volunteer work at an elementary school one day a week teaching music to kindergartners. More than once I have thought to myself, "These six year old kids are acting just like adult musicians."
When the occasional flair-up occurs, I simply separate the two who can't get along and they quickly forget about it and move on.
Maybe as they get older they will learn to stay put and keep banging their heads together until someone ends up crying the way many adults do.

 

[petrus61]

Anyone who justifies exposing an audience (never mind other band members) to insane volume levels because THEY can't hear very well, is a moron. It's likely that since this fellow doesn't deal in logic or reason, that he is beyond even trying to convince him that what he is doing is mind numbingly stupid, selfish and detrimental to just about any band that actually wants to perform for real, live people. I'm so sick of the sycophantic BS attitudes of people that feel their personal, self indulgent hobby somehow merits special treatment, as if they were the rock god they envision themselves to be and NO GREEN M&M's!!!

Of course there's the chance that OP is being overly sensitive and just doesn't like the guy, so anything he does is going to seem 100x more obnoxious than it really is, but it's still a recipe for failure/misery. Run, don't walk.

 

[Sixpack324]

Maybe. Anyone could do with some honest critical self-examination once in a while. But I wouldn't presume offhand this means the OP is the problem. I've been playing about six years, and I've been in and out of at least eight or nine projects over that time, some very brief and abortive, several of them ongoing simultaneously with each other. Sometimes you just can't get the right group all recruited. Sometimes you play with people for a few months and it becomes apparent it's not going anywhere. Sometimes the project was only intended as a short-term, one-off thing in the first place. Yet no one ever fired me from any of them or expressed any issues with my role in the band. Well, that one alcoholic guitarist called me "prissy" or something at one point, that's it. It's not all that easy finding a group of people who are all compatible and competent and want to do the same thing at the same time and keep doing it over an extended period of time.

I see what you're saying.... And you've got a valid point.....But lemme throw this out there......
I'm not presuming the OP's the problem......I'm just sayin' that maybe he should re-evaluate his own actions and thoughts. That's what I would do if I were in his position. Seriously.....If my "batting average" was that bad for that time period, I'd have to ask myself how much of it was my fault.

Maybe the answer is none of it....

Maybe the answer is none of it because I've hooked up with guys with addictions.....

Maybe the answer is none of it because I've hooked up with guys with unrealistic expectations....

Maybe the answer is none of it because I've hooked up with ego maniacs.....

Maybe the answer is none of it because I (insert reason here).......

Then again, maybe the answer is all of it.

Maybe the answer is all of it because my desire to jump into a project doesn't allow me to properly and honestly scrutinize the band I'm auditioning for, so I'm constantly hooking up with musicians that have not yet reached my level of professionalism or musicians who have lower expectations of what the project should be and, therefore, lower standards of important aspects of the project, ie; musicianship, communication, preparation, etc.

Maybe the answer is all of it because I'm a Type-A-personality-type-of-azzhat (which I am, by the way).

Maybe the answer is all of it because I just don't play well with others.

My point is.....There's a common denominator in there somewhere and the OP is the only one who can find it....... And until he finds it and corrects it, he's probably just going to keep living "Groundhog Day" as it pertains to his band situation(s).




NED!?!?!?! NED RYERSON!?!?!

 

[JaredBT]

I think he may actually be going to do something regarding his hearing so that's a positive. The drummer and myself have had no issues whatsoever in almost 9 months of playing... I don't know whos better, the first drummer I played with back in 1990 or this one current - another tremendous positive. Also, the last venue we played the crew there told us we where the best band to play there to date.

The Guitar Player is an older Gentleman and is a Monster Player... Im going to give it some time and see if things start to improve to any extent. I know he's now conscious of all these issues by the way he holds him self and how quiet he is which bums me out a little as the last thing I want is a tyrannical / band nazi ora around me. Thanks for all the input folks.